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nasra · Jun 28, 2006, 05:49 PM

Hi guys,

A friend of mine has a terrible sister, she is constantly saying nasty things about her dead father. Their father died over 15 years ago, and has left the sisters a inheritance. When the father died I could tell that my friend was heart broken she wouldn't eat sleep, she even went onto antidepressants. The evil other sister didn't care, within a week she was talking about the inheritance and what she would do with the money, well she ended up spending the money on usless things and now she has no money. But now all she does is call her dead father, saying he should have invested the money on worth while things like a business, she also blames her father on losing the money. Anyway this is having a bad effect on my friend, she has tried all kinds of things to deal with her, arguing, ignoring, she even went to the stage of slapping her. Because my friend feels so bad about what she is saying. My friend has always been close with her dad and when this person says these things she told me its like having a knife going through her. I have tried advising my friend of just ignoring her, but they are both living in the same house at the moment as they are both unemployed. My friend can't leave the house because she cares for a sick aunt :confused: :confused: who lives at the house to. And the so called cruel sister has no intentions of moving. What advice can I give her on how to deal with this cruel person.:confused: :confused:

CaptainForest · Jun 28, 2006, 06:18 PM

I take it the house belongs to the aunt?

Evict the sister, and your friend needs to stop talking with her sister until the sister agrees to shut up about their father.

Hard, but it is the best way to deal with it.

It has been 15 years!

J_9 · Jun 29, 2006, 03:11 PM

If it has been 15 years the evil sister has some major issues that need to be resolved.

I agree with CF to evict the sister. Sorry if she does not have anyplace else to go, or a job to go to, but this is definatley not helping with the condition of the sick aunt.

You can suggest that either she get into therapy to work out her issues or she has a certain amount of time to find someplace else to live.

Myth · Jun 29, 2006, 11:22 PM

It sounds like she needs to get her head out of her *** and take responsibility for her own life. Having to listen to her bring everyone else down to her level is bull. Boot her to the curb and make sure she hits every reality check on the way. She's done all these things to herself, not someone fifteen years gone.

Krs · Jun 30, 2006, 01:07 AM

Your friend is definitley the stronger one out of the 2 of them.
Your friend needs to take over the situation and place it in her hands.

Because they are both living at the aunts house, and the aunt is sick her evil sister should be mature enough to STOP being a kid and your friend should tell her that is she doesn't shut up and grow up she will take immediate actions and kick her out of the house.

Im sure your friend is old enough to fend for herself and so is evil sister.

Her sister is stupid, immature and childish the worst thing someone could do to themselves is say - oh how I should have or howi wish I did that (talking about the money), tell your friend to just laugh at her sister when she says that because you can't go back in past, its her own bl**dy fault.

God if she was my sister I would kick her out and try not to give a sh*t about her, for the main reason that she is bringing your friend down.

fredg · Jun 30, 2006, 05:12 AM

Hi,
You have some good answers.
I would also get the mean sister out of the house. You don't say where you live. She can go to a local Court House, go to the Court Clerk's Office (depending on the State you live in), and ask for how to have her evicted, if she can't throw her out herself.
There is no reason to keep this mean sister living in the same home. Your friend has her hands full already, and doesn't need her. Telling the mean sister to go get Professional help may not work. Getting her out of the house, letting her find her own place to live, will solve the problem.
Your friend doesn't need all this aggrevation.
I do wish you and your friend the best.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 30, 2006, 06:16 AM

There are good answers here and I would only add this.

If the house was part of the inheritance or the aunt owns it, the only means your friend has at the moment is to summons all her inner strength and permanently close that topic with the sister. Your friend has been a willing audience and it is within her means to change that. Challenging as that is, it can be done and it may bring temporary relief. But I suspect if the sister is like some of my family members (I come from a very dysfunctional family) she will just find another way to annoy or upset. Your friend needs to create a long range plan to get away from the sister using any legal means possible. I gave it all up, the destructive relationships, the promise of substantial inheritance, everything and feel so much better as a result. I hope that helps with a different perspective.

nasra · Jun 30, 2006, 01:35 PM

Thanks for the great answears guys, My friend at last has some options that she can look at, but there is only one problem, the house the two sisters and aunt live in is a inheritance the girls dad left them. The aunt is the fathers sister and even if they sell the property and share between each other. Where will the aunt stay at the moment she is to unwell to move. The Aunt has always lived with the family. Plus would'nt that effect her health having the house sold and moving on and escaping from this so called sister, or niece in her case. All my friend feels at the moment is trapped, trapped by the aunt, the house, everything. If the aunt was well enough to look after herself, my friend would have moved out years ago. But there is no one but her to look after the aunt. As the aunt was there for her when she needed her.:rolleyes: :(

CaptainForest · Jun 30, 2006, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by nasra

Thanx for the great answears guys, My friend at last has some options that she can look at, but there is only one problem, the house the two sisters and aunt live in is a inheritance the girls dad left them. The aunt is the fathers sister and even if they sell the property and share between each other. Where will the aunt stay at the moment she is to unwell to move. The Aunt has always lived with the family. Plus would'nt that effect her health having the house sold and moving on and escaping from this so called sister, or niece in her case. All my friend feels at the moment is trapped, trapped by the aunt, the house, everything. If the aunt was well enough to look after herself, my friend would have moved out years ago. But there is no one but her to look after the aunt. As the aunt was there for her when she needed her.:rolleyes: :(

Then one option to consider is sell the house, split the money 50/50 b/w your friend and her sister and your friend gets a new place, and lets the aunt live with her.

Chery · Jun 30, 2006, 03:37 PM

Why did your friend let this go on for so long? Any opportunity to resolve this is better than continuing.

Here are a few things I would have done by now:

1. Tell the aunt about all the stress, ask her what she would do in my place.. Maybe she has some ideas as to why this mean sister is the way she is. It certainly would not hurt to talk.

2. I would ask the mean sister why she 'hated' dad (and me, for that matter). Even if it was something that I would maybe not believe, nor be able to begin to understand, at least she would have the opportunity to vent her anger once and for all. Maybe she could then be guided into realization that she should not blame those around her for what happened in the past.

3. Then I would probably ask the aunt if she wouldn't mind moving into a home, so that I would be able to have a life of my own. If she really loved me and understood what's going on, she would understand. If not, then she can stay in the house with the 'mean sister' and they can fend for themselves.

If the above failed, I would leave it all behind, talk to friends to see if they could put me up for a while so that I could gather my strength and make decisions as to where to go from there. Other surroundings and perspectives might just help in having a better outlook.

Hope this thread from us shows your friend that she does have options.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 30, 2006, 06:06 PM

Lots of wonderful responses. Invite her to look over the options and help her determine where the "give" is because something's got to give in order for change to happen! If she still feels too frazzled to think clearly, try the old "make a list of pros and cons" trick. That works often for me. Good luck!

nasra · Jul 1, 2006, 06:27 AM

Hey guys, thanks for the great advice, my friend is already looking at the options open to her, and already there is a difference in her outlook on things.
Just one question totally irelevant to the topic we are discussing. How do you get the pictures next to your names, I would like one. Thanks again guys and girls bye x

Chery · Jul 3, 2006, 03:11 PM

Thanks dear, and you are welcome. We all want to help you and sometimes it's hard to come up with ideas if you've never been in that situation. So, I hope your friend finds a way.

As far as the picture, it looks as if you've got one, just go back to your "profile" and change it. The instructions tell you how large a picture can be, so that you can resize it with your graphics software, save it, and then just replace the one you have now.