[missk]

It is stressing me out. I just don't want to hear it. My mother and I are pretty close, but I don't want to hear about her problems with her husband. I told her that it was stressing me out and she basically said why are you stressed when I am the one going through this. She just doesn't get it...

[liz28]

I don't think your selfish for not wanting to hear your mother problems with her husband. She might need to vent to someone, and that someone being you, but she don't realize the toll it is taking on you. This can stressed you out and could make you mad if it is the same problems over and over.

If your mother starts talking about her problems that you don't want to hear change subject or get out the phone. You always expressed to your mother how this is making you feel and if she can't understand it then there's nothing for to do but try the things I suggested.

[NItEMArE129]

I think your mom is being a bit insensitive.

No, scratch that, she IS being insensitive. She should realize that kids don't want to get into deep analysis of their parents' relationships. So just tell her that you're not comfortable with helping her with relationship problems and that she should really be discussing them with her husband.

[ZoeMarie]

I think I understand what you're saying. Is this one of those situations where it's problem after problem and while you're listening to her you're wondering why instead of talking to you about the problems why she's not talking to her husband about them or a counselor. I know it bothered me for a while when one of my friends would complain to me about her husband almost daily and I finally told her unless she was going to do something about it, I didn't want to hear about it anymore. I could be way off base but your situation just reminded me of that.

[s2tp]

I know how you feel!

My own parents were having issues a few months back and I was their go-to person to discuss things. While I was happy to be there for them, it finally started to really stress me out because it felt like I was handling the relationship, not themselves. They could NOT communicate with each other, so I would listen to one, translate to the other and visa versa. They never asked me to do this... I really cared about what was going on and I just wanted them to figure things out- but eventually I didn't have anything else to give... it becomes too much responsibility to try to have the right answers for someone else's relationship. They finally got help from a professional counselor, and took the weight off my shoulders.

Can you suggest to your mom to seek a counselor? I don't think you are being insensitive- its not your responsibility to take the weight of her complaints on a continuous basis. Of course it would be nice for her if you could handle it, but if you are at your limit and have let her know, then it becomes her being insensitive to how you feel and express yourself... therefore putting her emotions out on you... and that is just not fair, mother or not!

If she cannot seek a counselor, then maybe you can afford 3/5/10 minutes a day/week (depending on how often you talk to her) to let her get some off her chest, but then change the subject so you don't get overwhelmed. If she is asking you for answers you just don't know- then tell her that... tell her she needs to figure some things out on her own.

Hope this helps yah a little bit.

Best of Luck!
Shelly

[missk]

Thank You everyone for your answers. I will keep all of that in mind. Things seem to be going pretty well right now. She recently had to have hip surgery and I think she was just frustrated because she felt he wasn't being sympathetic or sensitive to her needs so she was venting to me about it every day, even though I was helping her quite a bit. Anyway, things seem to be doing well now. Thanks for answering. I would have replied earlier, but wasn't getting email notices of answers.