[smurf69]

I am an 18 year old male from ireland I was with my ex girlfriend for 1 year everything was great only for my drinking I never laid a hand on her but I did get verbally abusive and do stupid stuff. This led to my girlfriend telling me she couldn't take it any more but that she loved me with all her heart and we needed a break. It is now 4 months later I do not get drunk any more I still have a few drinks but I know my limit and I have learned to stick to it. The problem is my ex has met another guy she is not in a relationship but has been out wit him a few times. What I need to know is how do I go about regainig her trust and getting our relationship back on track. I know myself this is not some school boy crush I really love this girl with all my heart and would do anything to make her happy and make her feel loved. What do I do so as not to push her away?? :confused:

[simoneaugie]

Tell her that you have changed. Do it in person. Let her know that she is still very special to you but that you understand that she has her own life. Then let it be her choice, walk away a friend.

[smurf69]

That's what I was thinking it seems to be a case of getting the courage to get my final answer that may be rejection you no

[fj-corn]

You man that is my biggest feer also. It would really hert to know she may never be with you again. I guess that's just part of life. There maybe a better girl out there that you could find.

[smurf69]

Maybe but I have my heart set on this girl so I'm going to pull out all the stops till I actually hear from her mouth its over

[simoneaugie]

Be brave and tell her that. She may say no to the relationship, but you'll know just where things stand. If she does say no, you can live right through it. Let us know what she does say.

[fj-corn]

Thatsthe same way that I feel about my ex

[smurf69]

I am thinking now face to face is the best way to tell her this but the thing is I have sent a letter already that she should get tomoro

[fj-corn]

I guess wate for a week or so for a response. If you don't get one get ahold of her and set a time to talk.

[smurf69]

You I guess that's all I can do at this stage her friends have told me she still feels for me but she does not want to go through the same thing all over again. What I can safely say is she will never see that side of me ever again

[Alty]

All you can do is talk to her, tell her how you feel, tell her that you've changed and ask for a chance to prove it.

The ball's in her court, you can't force her to take you back, but you can try.

Be prepared that she might not want to go down that road again, be prepared to accept that if she says no.

Love has it's ups and downs, this could go either way. Bottom line, you don't know what she'll say until you ask, and yes, you should ask in person.

Just be yourself and be sincere.

Good luck, I hope it works out, and stop drinking. :)

[starbuck8]

Your actions are going to have to match your words my dear. Have you ever heard the expression, "Once bitten twice shy?"

Right now she is likely thinking you are only saying things that you know she wants to hear. You are going to have to work hard at showing her that you are serious by the way you handle things. You put this "car" in the ditch, and it is your responsibility to pull it out! You will need to do that everyday, when and until! She lost her trust in you. That is not an easy thing to rebuild.

You also may just have to accept the fact that you did too much, too little, too late. If that is the case, you may never get her back. Be prepared for that.

It wouldn't be such a bad idea to get yourself into some anger management classes, or counselling. That just might show her that you are serious, and even if she doesn't come back, it's still not a bad idea for future relationships, because if you aren't with her, you will eventually be with someone else! You need to know how to handle things that come up in relationships. But it would definitely be a step in the right direction, in showing her that you are serious, and you have those actions backing up your words.

Good luck, and I really hope you are committed to changing your previous behaviour, whether the two or you are together or not! :)

[smurf69]

Its not the fact that I drank it how much I drank I mean she likes to have a night out with friends and have a few drinks it just took loseing her for me to cop on and only have a few thanks ill give it a shot

[smurf69]

Well we have the same friends so she has seen that I don't get drunk or binge drink anymore I'm just so afraid of those words "its over" that's what makes it so hard for me to express myself to her

[starbuck8]

Don't do this for her. Do it for you! That is why I said to you, she will pick up on it if she senses you are just doing this just to get her back. Sometimes guys (and girls) will say anything to get someone back, and I'm sure she knows this, and might not think you will continue the good behaviour in the future. If you are serious, plan long term, not short term.

[smurf69]

Well I am doing this for me because it will benefit me healt wise and also socially

[starbuck8]

Exactly! So keep on doing that, without expectations. If you are serious, she will sense that. You have to remember though, you two are at different stages in your life! Things are changing for both of you!

[smurf69]

I can see that now but I care so much about this girl I'm not going to let her go without a fight

[starbuck8]

Well that's very noble, but just don't do that to the point where you develop a stalker status in her mind. There is a very fine line there.

I'm sure Chery will come on and tell you some of the same things we've been telling you. I saw that you said you would like her advice. We all benefit from our "Momma C's" advice, and take it while you can get it! But, in the mean time, take it slow. Don't go overboard, or you will end up scaring her away again.

[smurf69]

Well I have kept my distance I mean I am going to pull out all the stops when we do decide to speak face to face