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applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 07:29 PM

It did come out through all of this, at the hospital, that he can remember he was forced to perform sexual acts with one of his father's baby moma when he was 3-4yrs old. He says I was the first person he told about this.

J_9 · Jul 1, 2006, 07:32 PM

Okay, so you made the first step. That is what is important. Now more and more information will slowly be remembered and come out.

Although I feel bad for everyone involved. I feel terrible for this poor confused boy. It is good that he is with you and your sister right now so that he can straighten himself out with people who do care about him.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2006, 07:34 PM

applelonia-You are not alone through this we will be here!

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 07:35 PM

I feel like I'm the only person in this world that cares about him and his future. My sis is preoccupied with other issues and situations. I have two kids of my own but I am doing very well where (at the moment) I don't have any major stresses at all. That is why I am so involved in this case because this is the biggest stress in my life (besides what's in my other post)

J_9 · Jul 1, 2006, 07:36 PM

Is there any way you can take him in? You seem to be the strength that he needs right now. Not to mention the fact that he obviously trusts you.

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 07:39 PM

I can honestly say that coming to this site and asking help here really pushed me to make the choice I did. I was floored by the outcome but that is why I wanted to find something structured. Something that is equipped for this situation. This is what stresses me.

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 07:42 PM

He really does open up to me more than anybody else in his life, but like I said I have 2 kids of my own. Boys that are 6yrs and 9mths I can't put the time and effort he needs at this point. Plus, I can't afford to put my kids in this line of... well... up until maybe he gets some help.

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 07:45 PM

I work with individuals with all sorts of mental and emotional problems, we have a lot of resources here, but I just can't find anyone who will touch this situation within this state.

J_9 · Jul 1, 2006, 07:48 PM

What state are you in again? I can try to do some research for you.

Without getting into details I have been through a similar situation.

TxGreaseMonkey · Jul 1, 2006, 07:49 PM

Have someone share the Gospel with him and let Jesus take control. Over time, Jesus will change the desires of his heart and help turn his life around.

J_9 · Jul 1, 2006, 07:51 PM

That is all well and good, it did finally (after 6 years) work in the situation I knew of. But does not work in all situations. Please keep all options open, including this one.

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 09:14 PM

I think I have talked to every mental medical professional in the state of Oklahoma... mind you I have been working on this since I found out about this situation... nobody seems to want to help

What I am hoping will happen is that I can try after this holiday to contact the people I spoke with and let them know he has already been turned in to authorities and see if they may try to help. I am just disappointed that these doctors I've already talked with didn't jump to try to help save a child in need like this. It's just like someone drowning and everybody trying to pretend as if they don't look so if they die it wasn't their fault. I have jumped in head first to try to help a child that nobody cares if he is helped or not. This is hard

talaniman · Jul 1, 2006, 09:27 PM

YES it is but do it anyway!

applelonia · Jul 1, 2006, 09:34 PM

Is there anyone anywhere that specializes in child cases like this?? Anybody that has dealt with something like this?? Anybody that knows what to do??

talaniman · Jul 1, 2006, 09:58 PM

The only way to get help is to go to the authorities, sorry! Yes it hurts like hell but if you don't do the right thing here you will mess up a lot lives, PLEASE!!

Taukame · Jul 1, 2006, 10:51 PM

Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry that the people who were supposed to help you didn't. One other option you may have is to go through his primary care physician. Take each child and have them examined by their own doctor and tell him what you think happened. He is required to report it, and he will be able to expedite their treatment.
Another kind of sneaky why to get the boy some help is to have him tested to see if he has a learning disability. If he does, even if it is borderline, he will be eligible for state aid which can included, medical treatment, mental health treatment, and perscriptions.
[email protected]. This is the email to someone in child protective services in Oklahoma. Try sending them an email and see if they can at least point you in the right direction.
Most children in this situation start to exhibit behaviors. If he does anything that even remotely seems like he is being a danger to himself or others call the police. You can have him 302'd. It may be called something else where you are, but essentially it forces him to be evaluated by a therapist for 24 hours. During that time they try to determine if he needs further treatment and what type would be best for him. There is one other last resort but I am hesitant to mention it unless everything else fails. It is the last resort, so if nothing else works I will tell you what it is. Hopefully one of the other things I have mentioned will work.
Another thing that just occurred to me is that if you are in a state where you got a large number of the Katrina Hurricane victims expect that that services will be slow coming. The department of Humans Service in those states are very near to being overwhelmed by the amount of people who need services all at one time.
Be patient, but persistent. Try not to question the boy too much because questions asked the wrong way will affect his responses. A journal for him may be helpful. He can just start with writing down his feelings, not just the ones from the past but what he is feeling now. This may give the therapist some information, and the more they know the better.
Be careful how you deal with him. Children who have been touched inappropriately lose the ability to understand appropriate touch, and misinterpret a lot of things. Pay attention to situations that may cause him anxiety, because he may re-enact what happened to him on the other children when he is afraid, this gives his a feeliing of control over his fear. When he tells you of incidents that have happened to him, try to remain calm because if you get hysterical, he may stop telling you because he does not want to upset you. Children who have been touched inappropiately get into the habit of trying to please the people who have abused them He absolutely has to feel comfortable talking about it. Most important, tell him you care about him and are there to support him as much as you can.

Sorry if my posts are extra long, but this is very complicated. Another thing that you should do is go to the doctor yourself. You can not take care of anything else if you don't take care of yourself first.
Give all the kids opportunities to be kids. Treat them like kids. Encourage them to do regular kid stuff playing, movies etc. Children who have been abused tend to be forced too soon into adult roles. The window between adulthood and childhood is very small when bad things happen.
You are going to have make a lot of decisions on top of the ones any parent would have to make and it will be difficult. So remember to take care of yourself. Don't neglect your own wellbeing to take care of the kids, because in the long run it will hurt them more. Give yourself time to do the things that you enjoy that doesn't involve the kids. Do this religiously as if it is your job, because it is.

applelonia · Jul 2, 2006, 05:51 AM

Thank you. I will try to contact someone as soon as the 4th is over. I'm okay myself. I am just disappointed that this got to my own son. It happened, not in my care, but when they both were at my parent's house last summer. It freaks me out to think what he had done to my son. I want to be mad but I'm filled with such a great need to get help first instead of reacting negatively. I keep thinking these kids could have never told me and this would have never been known, that's what scares me the most.

My son has his own counselor, but I just found all of this out and I haven't gotten a chance to address this.

Crybaby9112001 · Jul 2, 2006, 06:02 PM

I am so sorry about what is happening because I know this must be hard on you guys.
To answer your question... if it needs or happens to acure that the state takes him away that doesn't mean you have to or will be leaving him alone or abandoning him, sometimes you just need someone who is exerienced in these kind of things. You guys will not be able to keep him supervised 24/7... this is not healthly for you or him. If you really don't want him to leave home then try speaking with a therapist about what is going on... therapist only know what you tell them, so keep names out and just say it is someone else. Try and read about it in the library or online. Just know that something's you are going to need help with, it is just going take time. Keep letting him know that you guys are there to help him and that if he needs to talk that you are there for him... if he knows he is doing wrong and he just can't help you might just have to go to the doctor and get medication... if you ever need to talk about what is happening just know we are here to listen and give whatever advice we can. Good luck.

applelonia · Jul 3, 2006, 01:35 AM

This is the only option I have to work with is to sit and watch everything.24/7

applelonia · Jul 16, 2006, 01:22 PM

We had an appointment on Thursday to take the kids to an investigator to tell their side of the story, by themselves. I had to leave after my son was done. I left my sister and her two girls there to finish up. It seemed harmless and pretty simple. Well, shortly after I left I got a call from my niece in Texas telling me that right after I left, my sister was arrested and her kids were taken away. I'm all messed up. I made a bad mistake. My whole family is against me now. I'm considering just moving away from everybody. This is a horrible mess. I can't stop crying over everything, I've caused to go wrong.