[badapple]

Me and my girlfriend broke up a few days ago. We had been dating for a little over 4 years. I had some a problem opening up to her and letting know things about my past. I didn't want to remember that or even think about that stuff. I never let the pain and hurt of previous relationships go I just bottled it up and keep it inside never dealing with. My girlfriend knew that and could tell that. She tried several times to get me to talk about and sometimes I would try but never really let it out. Ultimately this is what caused us to break up the first time. I broke up with her because I didn't feel like I was in love with her and I didn't want to be wasting her time. We remained friends and talked usually once twice a week on average. But the night that I broke up with her, she said some things about my past relationships that cracked the bottle of pain and angry I had stored up. I let some things out that I hadn't before. That is why we were able to stay friends after that night. We would talk about once or twice a week. This went on for 3 months. During those 3 months I was see a lot of stuff that was inside that bottle. I was able to feel things I hadn't in a long time. Until I was able to realize and see that I was in love with her. I finally decided to tell her on night. She was happy and told me that she felt the same way still. So we got back together. That went on for two weeks. Things kind of felt like they did before and we talked about that, things were OK again. Well, another week goes by and she tells me she that she doesn't love me and doesn't want to hurt me. So she breaks up with me. That crushed me and even better completely destroyed the bottle I had because I am able to let that out and be open now. I can hardly keep my eyes open because I took some sleeping aides to help me sleep. I can't sleep because of the pain of a broken-heart. She still wants to be friends and so do I but I also want her to come back. I have never been in love as strong as I am now. What do I do to not lose her?

[ZoeMarie]

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like you already lost her. Break-ups are hard, especially when the people say they're going to remain friends. It's not a good idea because it doesn't give you time to heal. It doesn't sound like you're ready to be her friend. I would strongly recommend starting no contact with her until you can get your life back in order.

[badapple]

I want to try to be friends at least for her because I wanted to be friends when I broke up with her and she did. I know it must have been hard for her. I want to be able to show her that I do see things that I didn't before and that I can be true to her and myself. I can handle being friends. I don't think she completely healed from me breaking up with her. I believe she is afraid that it will happen again. I know that it won't, not for the lack me loving her.

See it's that communication thing that gets me. I understand the whole no contact stuff. Not being able to communicate my feeling or anything like that is what got her hurt. I don't want it to seem like I don't feel that way by doing no contact. I want to show that I am there for her instead of just her being there for me. I can't stand to think about the way I was with me feelings. I don't want to back to that. I have been through this before in the past and that is why I was the way I was with her. I did the no contact and ended up bottling everything up.

[talaniman]

As long as you look at this from the view, you can show her you have changed to get her back, you will have nothing but misery and pain.

No Contact will allow you to heal, and deal, with your OWN problems.

Thats the goal, not being friends, with hopes of "getting her back".

Please don't ignore the fact, that you are still in shock over the break up, and need time to let the emotional dust settle.

None of this is easy, I already know from some very first hand experience, but it can be done. You are not alone, we ALL go through the tough break ups, and heal, and learn to deal with it.

For now, forget friends, and leave her alone. She will understand eventually.

[badapple]

I understand... The goal is not to get her back. The goal is to be happy again. How ever long that takes. I am letting it go and we'll see what happens. Thank you for your replies. I will keep you updated on my status.

[wolfgangqpublic]

You lost her because you bottled up previous relationships. She poked a hole in the wall and everything spilled out, and what she was left with was a guy who seemed to be very emotionally insecure and unstable. Not very attractive.

But you learned a great lesson. I'm sure you, of all people, know that you'll find someone else - and this time you won't have a bottle to hide everything in.

[badapple]

You nailed it! That is exactly what I see that happened. I am already feeling better in realizing and accepting that. I am happy that the bottle is broken and gone. Actually happy... for now.

[badapple]

Update: I have been able to talk to her and hangout with her some. I haven't pushed anything on to her or brought up what happened. She told me she had fun the times we hung out (recently) and that she was thinking about things. I told her I felt the same. She suggested we hangout and was hoping that we could "talk."

Today: We talked, she said that she wanted to be with me, to give it another shot. That is if I still wanted to be with her. I do, it's just that I still have the fears from before and the pain is still there. I don't want either one of us to go through that again. I don't think that we would be able to be friends if we were to break up again. So I am scared of being hurt again and afraid of losing a really good friend.


Advice? Thoughts?

[DeleteAndBan]

It's difficult since you will have to trust her that she wants you back for you and not just cause all of a sudden she is just very lonely and needs someone, anyone. Always difficult when they break up out of the blue.

If you're fine with having her just as a friend why not stick to that? It's the easiest thing to do I guess, knowing she is your friend and finding true love somewhere where you don't have to worry about a sudden "i dont love you" in a month or two.

[Lakyn529]

Well I think you should open up to her and come out with the truth and if u can't do that don't thing about your fear and just write her what happened in your past life and attach a love poam and send flowers to her and say Love Your name

[badapple]

I have opened up and told her stuff that I never did before and I still do that. When she told me that she wanted to give us another try, I told her how I am afraid and that I can't give an answer right away.

It's difficult because I had accepted the fact that she may never come back and I was dealing with that. A few days ago this news would have made me so happy. Now it scares me? What is up with that?

[talaniman]

Life is full of risks, and it all comes down to how bad you want something, and how much you can handle, if it doesn't work.

The only thing that stops us is fear. So decide what you want!

To be afraid, or take a chance? Is she worth it??