[emotional karina]

Hi
I was adopted 7 years ago with my twin. We were adopted from St.Petersburg, Russia and I really want to find my real Mom. I know that there might be a slight chance she could be dead because she was a serious heroin user. I am 16 and I feel like I am at a point in my life in which I am ready to talk to her. The rpoblem is I don't know where she could be. I have no contact w/ her and I haven't since I was in the orphanage 6 years ago. I have no idea where I should start or shoud I even start looking for her.:eek:

[wynelle]

Get the papers from your adoptive parents and contact the orphanage. Get the International Red Cross to investigate.

[Fr_Chuck]

Finding an adoptive parent is hard enough, make that the female parent where their last name changes and there is little record of maiden names it gets almost impossible. Throw into the mix the fact that it was from an overseas agency and it was from Russia.

I am not saying it can not happen, but it is not going to be easy.

I would have to agree that contacting the orphanage and leaving your name and contact with them would be the first steap.

And you may have to wait till you are older and can try to do some personal trips over there to try and see what you can find.

[DesertRose92]

I was adopted and was told to register with an online agency giving the birth parent a chance to find you. I did that and am patiently waiting to hear back. Sometimes the saying, What you don't know won't hurt you is so true. I got in contact with my birth father and the stuff I found out about my birth mother was very disturbing. My mother was an alcoholic and drug addict and was in a mental instutution when I was born. If you have a good relationship with your adoptive parents ask them for answers but be prepared. Anybody can be a mother or father but it takes someone special to be a mommy and a daddy. It is who raises you and nurtures you, someone who is there when you are sick and broken.

[Bronica]

I too was adopted at age three, and at 16 decided to look up my parents, one was an alcoholic the other a herion addict... though mine were easy to find (my adoptive parents kept up w/them) however I can tell you what I found after all those years.. my father was a middle class worker doing OK I guess but he had remarried and had a 3yr old child she looked just like me too! All seemed to be great, you know finally... but he gave me $300 and told me to come back and see him. It was like he was paying me for being absent all those years. As for my mother I never met her she later died of aids. Though my want to meet her was never as great as wanting to meet my father. I mean what do you expect from someone who does any drugs while pregnant?
There was never a love loss there.. all I can say is be careful,don't expect much, and don't go alone. And remember the parents you have now are your parents because they chose you! They didn't have to, they could have said no. "Any one can be a parent though it takes someone special to be a mom or dad"

[s_cianci]

I was adopted and was told to register with an online agency giving the birth parent a chance to find you. I did that and am patiently waiting to hear back. Sometimes the saying, What you don't know won't hurt you is so true. I got in contact with my birth father and the stuff I found out about my birth mother was very disturbing. My mother was an alcoholic and drug addict and was in a mental instutution when I was born. If you have a good relationship with your adoptive parents ask them for answers but be prepared. Anybody can be a mother or father but it takes someone special to be a mommy and a daddy. It is who raises you and nurtures you, someone who is there when you are sick and broken.

Right on! As an adoptee myself I've never wanted to know my biological parents for precisely that reason. I've always feared finding out something I'd rather not know. I've had a good life and my Mom and Dad raised me well as and far as I'm concerned their heritage is my heritage too and that's good enough for me!

[J_9]

I applaud both s_cianci and DesertRose92. My husband is an adoptee, his sister, who is an adoptee also (different bio parents, he is from russia she is from Germany) found her bio mother last year. The bio mother came right out and said that she wanted nothing to do with her at the beginning, that is why she gave her up, and wants nothing to do with her now.

That was very painful and hurtful to hear, but it was the truth. My hubby feels that his adoptive parents are the ones who "count" because they had the choice whether to adopt or not and they chose to adopt him.

There are many reasons to give a child up for adoption. In the opinion of my husband, after watching the pain his sister went through, the only reason to find the people who did not want you in the first place is for medical records.

This may sound harsh, but he comes from a family of 7 children and only 1 is natural. He is thankful that he had wonderful people who did want him and his other brother and sisters.

So to those adoptees, remember the life you could be living being raised by someone who resents you compared to the life that some wonderful couple gave you when they were not obligated to.