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4betterorworse · Nov 15, 2008, 07:07 AM

I only been maried for 4 years. In the beginning of my marriage my husband cheated on me with my niece that was living with me. We were only married for 2mts. I decided to keep him, kick her out and move on with my life. In 2007 he decide to have another affair with some chick from High school. She got pregnant and I found out the summer of 2008. Let me go back a little. He had a baby before we were married and I excused that one. We weren't together then. I had enough. I have two beautiful daughters and they love their father dearly, but I can't stay for them. I am hurt and dissapointed about what happened to us. He asked me to forgive him and he was very sorry and I see that he is, but I can't go threw this again. The other women will forever be in our lives like the first one. This is our first marriage and I can't believe I have experienced all this. I need help. I want to leave, but I am a stay home mom with no money. What to do. He doesn't deserve me.

goldenplans · Nov 15, 2008, 08:20 AM

Hi:
I'm not going to find any justifications for him , he has none but I have two questions:
1-Do you think you could have done things that might have changed the course of things such as understanding him,caring about him, loving him ?
2-If you go back into history and would be given a choice of whether marrying him or stay unmarried for the whole life, what would you choose? Your answers will , may help, decide.
Good luck

southerngalps · Nov 15, 2008, 09:10 AM

Please, leave him. You can tell by your post that what he has done has truly hurt you. You deserve happiness. I know you are worried about your daughters. I would not stay with him because of your daughters, though. It will all be a lie. I would believe he is truly sorry too. He most definitely is. That doesn't mean that he won't cheat again. Do you have family that can help you through this while you get back on your feet? If you do, I would turn to them... get back to your independency and move on. God bless!

xoxaprilwine · Nov 15, 2008, 10:58 AM

I love that picture southernglaps :). Anyway, there is no justification for your hubby... I can't believe you would forgive over and over again! Sounds like you may not have the family support but you can start to change now. You need to secure yourself prior to leaving and that's what its boiling down to because you have already made the decision to leave but how are your going to do it? Well if you don't have family to help you financially or let you and your daughters move in for a while until you get on your feet then start a plan now. What are you good at? What kind of a career will suit you? Is there education to be sought prior to? Find something that works and find daycare... start making changes and get his support. Spend time away from home... go to the gym, buy something nice for yourself, get a new hairstyle... make small changes and steps in the right direction. You will need some money to get you out there in the first place. Secondly, your grounds for divorce are strong but is granted the first time someone cheats... get legal advice... you should be getting half of everything even though you're a homemaker... you clean, cook, wash clothes, raise your daughters etc. Best of luck.

div2wice · Nov 18, 2008, 07:02 AM

Wow, I feel terribly sorry for you. You sound like I did... I excused my ex's behavior over & over & over again, even though I knew it was wrong and I knew deep down he would never change.
Cheaters are always cheaters. I do not believe they can change -- I know I'll get responses from others saying differently, but I have been around them for so long and have learned that they will never change, once a cheater always a cheater is a cliché but incredibly true.
You should not give him another chance, you've done that a lot in the past and gotten burned. He's going to continue to do what he wants, when he wants, which is basically repopulate the earth from the sounds of it.
You can file for divorce due to adultery. You will get child support, ordered by the court, and you should request alimony. This will give you the funds to get your life started over, including getting a job and finding daycare if necessary.
He will most likely get some type of visitation, unless you have proof he is harmful to the kids... so be prepared for that.