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cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:10 PM

Ok, a few days ago, I got really drunk with my mates on memorial day. I can't remember most of the night, and I woke up on my apartment floor by myself, my girlfriend nowhere to be found.

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:12 PM

Ok ed up and didn't finish the story, more to follow

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:22 PM

So anyway, I woke up in the morning still in my uniform, alone in my apartment. I texted her and found out she had stayed upstairs in my buddy's place. I went up there and she wouldn't even let me see her.
I called her and asked what happened, and she had said that I was flipping out on everyone around me, including her. She had never seen this part of me before, and neither have I, as I'm never an angry drunk. I must of really scared her. Later at work, I figured out that I was in two bar fights and got kicked out both times, then turned on my own mates outside the bar. She picked me up and I continued to go off on her.
I am absolutely disgusted with myself, as I would never do that to her. The following day she stayed upstairs and wouldn't see me, she texted me a couple times and I could tell it was getting awkward.
The next day she asked me "Can I stop by after my classes" I said of course and all I wanted to do was see you.
Well she came and we talked for about a half an hour. She knew I was drunk, and that I couldn't remember doing any of it. But she said that she "couldn't risk be put in that situation again... not yet", I then told her that I wouldn't drink anymore and that I could fix this, that we could fix this. She told me "Not yet, I need some time". I was heartbroken, but I was understanding and told it her it would be OK and it would work out.
I went on to learn she had made plans to stay upstairs for a few months, and then to move into her sorority house. This was very sadening as I thought it was going to be a short break for us to cool down, and discuss it later again in a couple days, but she already had long term plans all ready to go.
Is she just delaying a break up. Or is she just planning for what could happen.
Its been 3 days, and I haven't talked to her, or tried to see her. Its drving me insane because I love her so much. Should I try and talk to her? And how much longer should I wait to call her? I'm a wreck, I don't know what to do.

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 12:59 PM

We were dating for almost three years. What do I do?

jmw0713 · Nov 14, 2008, 01:00 PM

OK, you need to stop drinking. You obviously don't know your limit.

Second, I'm sure this is not the first time you "blacked out" and don't remember anything, so that's why one reason she is pissed off right now.

Third, she dumped you because she didn't see how you were going to fit into her future, especially if you are going out getting hammer every night. She has probably been planning/thinking about this for a while.

How were things before this this situation? If things were bad before this, I don't think there is anything you can say to bring her back. If that's the case it's best just to leave her alone and let her sort herself out, while you work on being responsible for your actions and knowing your limits.

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 01:03 PM

That's the thing is that I hardly every drink... and before this I was away from her for 3 weeks. My job's been stressing me out lately but other then that we've been fine. We just moved in together got our own car, everything was going great, other then the fact that my job takes me away from her and I hate that.

jmw0713 · Nov 14, 2008, 01:23 PM

OK. There seems to be more going on here than meets the eye.

She knew I was drunk, and that I couldn't remember doing any of it. But she said that she "couldn't risk be put in that situation again... not yet", I then told her that I wouldn't drink anymore and that I could fix this, that we could fix this. She told me "Not yet, I need some time".

I think she is using this as an excuse to dump you. Sorry man...but she was thinking about this for a while. You have to take the situation for what it is, a break-up, and move on from it.

Give her her space and you take yours. DO NOT contact her! Continue to occupy yourself with school, your friends, and your job.

Kitten78 · Nov 14, 2008, 01:38 PM

Ouch!
This is a sorry situation. You must have scared her to all hell.

I understand that you were drinking and not aware of yourself. But to see someone in that kind of light can be very sobering.

This is probably a deal breaker for her. Who even knows what she saw that night.

I have had instances in my life that I had to abandon IMMEDIATELY. This could very well be what she is doing. Sometimes your instinct kicks in and tells you to run!

For her to make longterm livivng arrangements without you...
My guess would be that it is over.

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 01:56 PM

If that's the case that it is 'over'. Should I continue the no-contact and "hope for the best", or maybe call her in a week and explain what I feel, or chase her now and try to win her back, or should I try to move on with no hope of seeing each other again?
I keep telling myself everything will work out, but now it seems like false hope. Is there no way for me to revive a three year relationship because of one isolated, yet disgusting, incident? What do I do?

jmw0713 · Nov 14, 2008, 02:06 PM

She didn't throw out 3 years of a relationship because of one stupid evening.

She was thinking about doing this for months. That's how it is!

Feelings don't change over night..thats just how it seems when you get dumped.

One day they're all "I love you!! I miss you...I can't live with out you!" and then the next its "I need space." OR "I don't know if I can put risk being in that situation again..." OR "I need time to think...". All of it is BS.

The change in feelings didn't happen overnight...you just finally gave her an excuse to use to end it.

Sorry man... its done.

Now, you go and work on yourself. Don't worry about her. Move on from this relationship and this experience, and do not repeat these mistakes in the next one. Work on getting a promotion at your job, getting in shape, or something to boost your confidence. Then get back out there and start dating again. Don't put life on hold for a relationship that is over.

cowboy107 · Nov 14, 2008, 02:20 PM

Ok, you cleared my head and I thank you. It makes sense now. It is over and I have to accept that.
I've been doing the NC rule and will continue to.
The only thing is that it will be a little awkward as I will probably see her around my building, If she engages in conversation (or breaks the NC rule) what should I do?

jmw0713 · Nov 14, 2008, 02:23 PM

Well if she calls, you ignore the call. If you see her and she tries to talk to you, you politely acknowledge her, smile, and go on your way. Your too busy to talk... you got plans!

Just remember to be polite and be busy.

Your right it will be awkward. Remember, especially if she catches you face to face, don't hang around long or else she is going to rope you back in emotionally. It will be very hard the at first, but if you stick to NC... with time everything will get better.

Don't let her see you cry either, you must act like everything in your life is fine. If you feel the need to cry, do it inside your place or somewhere private.