[wikedjuggalo]

well, we spoke today and small talk she said brought up going out to dinner with some guy that my buddy saw her with and i said to her i told him i'm sure it's just a friend and after 10 mins, she said yeah... then i said i hope to meet your friends sometimes soon and then she said this to me, "i don't want to lead you on that everything is gonna be ok. because i'm doing good. i feel like i'm finally myself again and i lost that while i was with you.i changed myself so much to keep you happy that i couldn't make myself happy anymore. i didn't like who i was." so, basically i think she found someone else after 4 years and this is her excuse because she's pointing everything at me while i feel like i was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong. you guys were right, i shouldn't give my love to this person.

Never live in regret. What you need to work on is yourself now. What makes you happy? You were making progress with that keep going. As far as being a great boyfriend I was that too but in the end the same out come came. I didn't make her truly happy, she was content. Or how ever they want to word it. Don't you feel better you didn't call her and pester her? Enjoy the time you had and look for someone who will share the same level of love for you as you do them.

[Romefalls19]

Nope, don't give your love to someone like that, she's not deserving of it. If she found someone or not doesn't matter. What matters is you get back on the NC road and stick to it, in no time you will start to feel better each passing day. Take my word, talking to her is only going to add confusion to your head where you already have enough to deal with in that brain of yours

[LifeChangesMan]

I feel like she's taking an easy way out, and pointing all this blame on me, for her just wanting to go out and party, she's not the girl I fell in love with, I guess these things do happen at least I'm not going to sit here and kid myself about it. She's coming over tomorrow to talk in person, I'll let everyone know how it goes.

[kctiger]

Good luck with the talk man! Remember to protect yourself... don't let it turn into a blaming contest as that doesn't really lead to anything productive.

[LifeChangesMan]

Any approaches you think I should take during this talk?

[Romefalls19]

Don't let yourself be walked all over, state your opinions without sounding like you are attacking her

[asking]

"...i changed myself so much to keep you happy that i couldn't make myself happy anymore. i didn't like who i was." so, basically i think she found someone else after 4 years and this is her excuse because she's pointing everything at me while i feel like i was a great boyfriend and did nothing wrong. you guys were right, i shouldn't give my love to this person.

I don't think it's an excuse. I think she is telling you the truth, that she didn't feel like there was room for her in the relationship with you.

I also don't agree that you "letting" her go to the Halloween party was some misunderstanding about words. In your original post, it sounded exactly like you thought you allowed her to go without giving her grief. But then afterward, you DID give her grief. You seemed to expect some kind of payoff for your generosity, an expression of gratitude and a detailed description of everything she did. I think she knew that from her previous experiences with you and was dreading being cross examined about the party. Your idea of playing head games with her also gave me reason to think you were not "a great boyfriend." I think she's looking for less drama.

[asking]

i feel like she's taking an easy way out, and pointing all this blame on me, for her just wanting to go out and party, she's not the girl i fell in love with, i guess these things do happen at least i'm not going to sit here and kid myself about it. she's coming over tomorrow to talk in person, i'll let everyone know how it goes.

I have advice. Treat her with respect and don't assume you know what she's thinking or feeling. She IS the person you have been seeing all this time. She's not some totally different person. As far as we know, she went to one party. Why the crack about her "just wanting to go out and party"? Nothing you've said makes her sound like a bad person and you must have liked her before. So try not to demonize her. If she's unhappy in the relationship, accept that as a fact you can't change, not an excuse or a lie.

Is this just a goodbye talk? Or are you hoping to get back together? I highly recommend that you not try to do that. Just be kind and say goodbye, don't try to get her to bed.

[LifeChangesMan]

Who knows what it is, no offense dude stick to biology, I know her better then any of you people. This is the same girl who would want to be with me every second of everyday because of her choice sending me long texts weeks ago about how I'm the only one and she wants no one else, and she'll be mine forever, something changed I've learned a lot I needed this for me, she's hanging out with the wrong crowd of people right now, and I'm truthfully scared she's going to be hurt, and that kills me. I never want to see her upset I want her to always be happy, I expect to end the relationship on good terms completely and state my mind, but I know I have to stand up for myself and speak my mind and not just let her walk all over me, and since I'm an emotional person I will probbaly show emotion, and by the way, she had breast implants in July ever since, def. not the same girl I fell in love with. I was a great boyfriend, I won't let anyone tell me different I wasn't perfect neither was she, and maybe she'll come around in the future and realize she had something great and made a mistake, if not I'm still going to turn this huge negative. Into a pos. and do something successful with my life. Thanks everyone for your advice, when it comes down to the matter, no one knows her better then I do.

[holeinheart21]

I'm not the expert here and have been asking many questions myself and dealing with a similar situation... but over time I am learning to accept that even though I was great and claimed that I knew her better than anyone else, that doesn't matter. Because who we knew, is not who they are now, and it either happened by their own decision, or because they lost focus and wound up the way they were and started changing their priorities. All in all though, it will get you no where to resort to saying that you aren't going to listen to anyone else because you know her better than anyone on here.

Look at your sn, "Life Changes Man"... you change, I change, she changes, my ex changed, everyone on this site has changed. I am still having an issue dealing with that fact, but I am well aware that this is the starting point to realizing how things could come from where they were, all good and happy, to where they are now, empty and no longer.


And in addition, just because he is a biology expert, does not mean that he does not love or that he does not have heart that was once broken, or even that he suffered the same pain and agony that you did. His niche may be biology, by his choice, but he is human to, and probably has been down this similar road a few times himself.

[High Max]

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alcohol, which I'm sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isn't a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesn't work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldn't have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isn't into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

[wikedjuggalo]

who knows what it is, no offense dude stick to biology, i know her better then any of you people. this is the same girl who would want to be with me every second of everyday because of her choice sending me long txts weeks ago about how i'm the only one and she wants no one else, and she'll be mine forever, something changed i've learned a lot i needed this for me, she's hanging out with the wrong crowd of people right now, and i'm truthfully scared she's going to be hurt, and that kills me. i never want to see her upset i want her to always be happy, i expect to end the relationship on good terms completely and state my mind, but i know i have to stand up for myself and speak my mind and not just let her walk all over me, and since i'm an emotional person i will probbaly show emotion, and by the way, she had breast implants in july ever since, def. not the same girl i fell in love with. i was a great boyfriend, i won't let anyone tell me different i wasn't perfect neither was she, and maybe she'll come around in the future and realize she had something great and made a mistake, if not i'm still going to turn this huge neg. into a pos. and do something successful with my life. thanks everyone for your advice, when it comes down to the matter, no one knows her better then i do.

Want to hear a funny story? O wait you read mine. But you see the part where I thought I knew her and how she could never do such a thing ? It happens and let me be the first to tell you PEOPLE CHANGE. Accept it. Stop getting defensive about advice we are only here to help you not dog on you.

You clam to know her better then anyone then you should have seen this coming. It just goes to prove human nature. Stop analyzing it and accept it man. But when you do talk to her in person I hope you do not start point blame because in do time you will look back and regret it because you will realize it wasn't all her. Don't wait on her to come around either.

[High Max]

Human nature exactly, which is why I trust nobody.

[asking]

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

IF she met someone at the party, I think she was distracting herself from a relationship that was failing already. There's no evidence that she ditched a four year relationship for a moment's lust.

Thanks holeinheart for the defense. I don't expect LifeChangesMan to like what I'm saying, but it's sometimes good to get different perspectives. LCM has been getting a lot of support here, which is great. I agree with all the advice about moving on and letting go. It's clearly time to let go of this relationship, which he's having a hard time doing. But I don't necessarily agree that he doesn't have anything to learn from this sad ending. There's lots of food for thought here.

[LifeChangesMan]

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alchohol, which im sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isnt a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesnt work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldnt have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

Yeah

[kctiger]

Human nature exactly, which is why I trust nobody.

I don't know if I can agree here. I understand you have been hurt and you are cautious about opening up your heart again, but you can't go through life with lock around your heart. Maybe I am just misunderstanding what you mean... just because something doesn't work out, and you are hurt by it, doesn't mean that is the way of the world. It is merely life helping us grow.

[wikedjuggalo]

Going out to dinner with a new guy? I read the beginning of this post before any mention of a guy was brought up, and I knew already what happened. Here is what I read.

PARTY. I do not see the purpose of going to a party where you do not know many people, especially one that most likely involved alchohol, which im sure it did, considering it sounds like this was a HS or College party. People go here to get laid, period. 99% of the time. They say they do not, but if the right guy comes along, why not?

I also read, that strangely, after the party she became distant. She looked for one little thing after a relationship of four years to break up with you? Honestly.

Never believe the whole "Finding myself I need space" because this isnt a revelation someone has overnight. You must look at ALL factors. Did this happen after a party, where there are likely to be GUYS hitting on her? Has she been getting close with any new guys lately, hanging out with guys from work a lot?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this is the real reason for needing "space" it means I am going to try out my new boy and maybe call you if it doesnt work. It's too bad, because now she has given you reinforcement for not wanting her to go to these kinds of things, because she has proven that she probably couldnt have been trusted in the first place. It's girls like this, that make guys cautious and possesive.

This girl is the worst kind, and I wish the most unhappyness for her and I hope she regrets ruining a good thing for her selfish lust. Good luck to you my friend. For the future, I'd go with my GF to these parties, or find a girl who isnt into parties. If someone gave me this kind BS after going to a party, I'd tell them to take a hike, because the reasons are obvious.

I didn't want to give you a red man but that is not right. It is wrong to wish pain and suffering to any human being not matter what wrong has been done. You have no way of knowing what was going on inside her head and for how long.

[Romefalls19]

If you go through life not letting anyone in, then you will live a very unhappy life.

I was cheated on by several of my girlfriends, really creates a complex for a guy. My last girlfriend emotionally cheated. But it led to my fiancé and me getting together, and me being happy. I had to put trust into this girl I started seeing, and at the time she was living with her ex's in-laws while her ex-husband was in rehab. I had A LOT of reasons not to trust her, but I did and now we live together and are engaged

[kctiger]

HighMax, I am not aware of your story, but you seem to have been deeply hurt by something. I hope that you can eventually heal from this without letting anger cloud your judgement. I am sorry that you feel the way you do... life is too short to be pissed off all of the time (believe me I am trying to change that myself).

[asking]

If you go through life not letting anyone in, then you will live a very unhappy life.

I was cheated on by several of my girlfriends, really creates a complex for a guy. My last girlfriend emotionally cheated. But it led to my fiance and me getting together, and me being happy. I had to put trust into this girl I started seeing, and at the time she was living with her ex's in-laws while her ex-husband was in rehab. I had A LOT of reasons not to trust her, but I did and now we live together and are engaged

That is such a great story. I've also been cheated on, emotionally and actually. It's a bad feeling, but you can't take that to your next relationship or you practically guarantee it will happen again.