[LifeChangesMan]

Hey, here's my situation, I look forward to everyone's response and thank you in advance. I've dated my girlfriend for over 4 years now, and at about two years we both broke up and seen other people and came back to each other after a few months. Well everything has been great up until this point I would say, I mean we have our minor arguments like everyone but nothing major. My girlfriend loves me to death, just as much as I love her, she wrote me a text message "your the only person i wanna be with and the only person who i am going to be with. and you can make me happy baby you know how, i love you very much. you mean the world to me." and a few days before "you are everything to me and i never wanna go a day without you. i love you more then anything in the world and i can not imagine my life without you. i can not wait to spend the rest of my life with you, my best friend" all right now to the current, my girlfriend and I were fine I sense nothing wrong, she decided to go to a halloween party with her friends from work and I (being jealous/overprotective in the past but have gotten much much better) said okay, with no problems I let her go to the party and I didn't contact her at all during the party, nor her me. No big deal, she texted me when she got home, same old I love you good night. The next day she was acting kind of strange but I paid no attention to it, we talked sporadically through out the day, and I sent her a text saying "I'm going to lose you!" she responded with "what?" and I said I got a chain text from a person I haven't spoken to in the long time and it said "if you don't send this to 10 people you will lose the love of your life forever" I told the sender of the chain text there's not a chance in hell of me sending this to 10 people, and I told my girlfriend she simply replied I hate chain texts, later on my girlfriend came to my football game and nothing really out of the ordinary hug and kiss, laughs and she was there, after the game I walked her to her car, and have not talked about the party, I calmly asked her about the party, how was it? What'd you where? Did you have a good time? She didn't really seem to want to talk about it and gave I don't know answers and one word answers, so I looked at her and said I thought you'd have more to say to me after I LET you go to the party, this is where it goes bad. (I meant let you go, meaning I didn't care, not that I control you) she texted me immediately after saying "you let me goto the party? you don't control me" and I tried to explain myself, she then sent me a message saying "i don't have fun with you anymore, i feel like i am (my name) girlfriend not (her name), i feel like things between us are getting worse and not better, and i've sacrificed so much for you that i don't know who i am anymore, i might just need sometime for me for awhile to figure out who i am and make some friends for me instead of tagging along with your friends all the time" I called her and she was hysterically crying and the last thing she told me, I asked her if she wanted to be with me? She said I don't know, I don't know. I love you I just don't know if I can do this anymore, just give me some space and time please. I haven't spoken to her in over a week now, because I'm being a strong person and giving her request because I love her to death, and if she wants to see other people, I'm okay with it because it'll make her happy. I know that we're truly in love. The updates through out the week I sent her a text 2 days after just saying hey to see how serious it is, no answer, I got were from my mother who works with her who simply said to my mother that she just asked me for space, and she was wearing some of my jewelry still, I spoke to her mom because I wanted to make sure she was doing okay, and her mother said she hasn't brought it up and her mother and I would go out to eat sometime soon, then my buddies girlfriend went out with her 5 days after I stopped talking to her, I told my friends girlfriend please do not bring me up unless she does, I guess she brought it up and my girlfriend got real upset and mad and didn't to talk about it, and my friend told me that I need to talk to her, and that it's over. I tried calling her mother today to see about dinner, but no answer and no callback. Also my girlfriend just got into her choice school after getting her associates from community college, I'm so proud of her, so she's going away to school in January but however I'm supposed to live with her, we also have a joint bank account. Also, this break has been so great to me I finally got into school, I'm going to be attending Devry and I started realizing all the little things I've done wrong, but me realizing this stuff doesn't help unless I get a chance to tell her about them, and prove it that I've changed my ways especially if I can't contact her.

Now my questions for you to address for me, is this break to her so that she can work things out and comeback? Is she thinking about me? As much as I think about her? Is she gone forever? Do I ever take a stand and email her or call her or go see her? Her birthdays on Dec. 4 and I have her gift we were supposed to go to the city to see a Broadway show she's wanted to see? I also have her Christmas present? I understand things happen for a reason and I truly feel we are in love, I'm a very real person and like the dead truth, but this whole situation came out of left field. Please in responses rule out the fact of their being another man, because I'm 99.9% that's not the case at all. Also, by me giving her this space is it making it easier for her to walk away and let go, is that what she wants? I mean if she wanted to break up with me, wouldn't she have just done it? After 10 days of NC what is she feeling? And is she thinking about me?

[kctiger]

Here is the thing about a 'break.' I had my ex tell me she wanted a break about a year ago. Not more than one day later we were talking to each other and hanging out every so often. We never went more than three days without talking to each other. We eventually got back together, and you know now that obviously that didn't last. I think you should keep on staying away and give her time. She is going through a phase right now that makes people wake up and say, "Wow, I am not a kid anymore." Some people, ESPECIALLY women, need time to get a grip on this. I can't say what she is thinking or feeling. I will say, that if she is the one who broke it off, and she has not tried to contact you in over a week, then it doesn't look good for a reconcile. Just my opinion. I don't think it takes that long for someone to realize they really do want to be with you. Just give it time and keep your level head on your shoulders. You have your mind right and you know you are man enough to make anything work, even if it may not be what you want to hear.

[LifeChangesMan]

Yeah, I know where your coming, a lot of questions on here don't have answers as does mine and I understand every situation is different. My real question is, will she ever talk to me again? I really just want to say goodbye now, and wish her happiness and luck to find her real love.

[kctiger]

Yes, she will talk to you again. I just want to make sure you aren't looking for closure. I don't think the time has come to where she is comfortable sitting down with you and talking to you about it without letting her emotions run wild. I truly believe she is waiting for a period to let her emotions calm down so she can rationalize her feelings to you. Maybe I am wrong though, I don't know??

[LifeChangesMan]

So when she talks to me, talk like everythings fine be her best friend still opposed to the relationship part is a good approach? Like my mother works with her and says she still wheres my necklace and she just seems distant lately, I hope she figures out herself you know? I truly just want her to find happiness w. or w.o. me because I care about her so so much.

[wikedjuggalo]

Ball isn't in your side of the court right now man. You have and this is vital. Wait for her to contact you!

Attempting to communicate will only push her further and this did not come out of left field as you so stated. It has been building up and up until she finally boiled over. I only say this not to upset you but to help you realize this.

Contacting her mother is probably not a good idea. Let her contact you when she is ready and don't push the subject other wise you risk pushing it all to the breaking point.


Sometimes a break is used as an attempt to ease a break up. Treat this as such and you will come out much better.

[kctiger]

Don't be her best friend. Just be someone that she can talk to. Be the bigger person no matter what. Don't show a lot of emotion and don't judge, at least not to her. As emotional as she is, you DO NOT want to add emotion to a situation that is already steaming over with it. Just stay cool, calm and collected. Then, when you hang up, you can ball your eyes out if you want.

[LifeChangesMan]

Your right. It did boil up in my opinion, but she should have talked to me about it, I feel like this was the wrong way to approach it and she's being selfish on the matter and not tending to my needs as I sit here in agony for her and she's off doing w.e. but I know my relationship better then you guys obviously. I don't see this being the end. Realistic or not? My basic question to you wicked is it is quite possible that this will help us in the long run and things will turn out great. Is it or is it not possible?

[LifeChangesMan]

So KC whenever this day comes and she wants to contact me, just let her do the talking basically?

[kctiger]

Yup... if the day comes. Also, if you guys do have that 'break up' talk, both of you need to do the talking. Both of you need to communicate and say how you feel. I am referring to if she calls you just to vent, but not 'end' it, then let her vent. Two pissed off people yelling at each other will not solve anything.

[LifeChangesMan]

You... you... your good you... basically bottom line is that bs quote everyone says, if it's meant to be it'll work itself out, and crap. Let love take it's course. We will see how much she truly loves me.

[wikedjuggalo]

your right. it did boil up in my opinion, but she should have talked to me about it, i feel like this was the wrong way to approach it and she's being selfish on the matter and not tending to my needs as i sit here in agony for her and she's off doing w.e. but i know my relationship better then you guys obviously. i don't see this being the end. realistic or not? my basic question to you wicked is it is quite possible that this will help us in the long run and things will turn out great. is it or is it not possible?

Hold on there. You are misplacing the blame for what happened. Do not attempt to get angry over that. You spoke of past issues of control and what not. Was that ever really resolved or swept under the rug? She is probably hurt in all this to. I can see part of your problem already is you put your needs above others. Something you should work on is considering other people's needs also. Do not always take everyone else needs over yours but you need a balance.

I know what it is like to be tossed into a purgatory of hell while waiting for an answer you have no control over. Go read my story. I do not like breaks but you should use this time to evaluate yourself and where you stand. Learn from what has happened and either accept it or be doomed to repeat it. I see you have insecurity issues so work on that.

[LifeChangesMan]

Your right, I have been getting a lot better with the whole situation honestly and my insecurity has faded especially because of this break, I haven't drove past her house I haven't wondered where she's been and it dawned on me like... I needed to be like this while we were together. Like I've learned a lot about myself from my break and I never thought I would, basically got my head back on track. So your right, but I've grown up a lot since we started this relationship, by the way I'm only 20. :eek:

[spitvenom]

I would send her those tickets to the broadway show. Put them in a card and just write I got you these tickets for your Birthday I want you to have them and have a great time with one of your friends. Happy Birthday Love (your name).

Leave it at that don't call her don't insist that she takes you don't do anything. Odds are she will call you to thank you for the tickets if she wants you to go just say no I think you should go with one of your friends and have a great time.

In my mind it shows you still care about her and still want her to have her space.

[wikedjuggalo]

your right, i have been getting a lot better with the whole situation honestly and my insecurity has faded especially because of this break, i havent drove past her house i havent wondered where shes been and it dawned on me like... i needed to be like this while we were together. like i've learned a lot about myself from my break and i never thought i would, basically got my head back on track. so your right, but i've grown up a lot since we started this relationship, btw i'm only 20. :eek:

Don't say you haven't because you stated a minute ago basically stating you are :D. We all have to learn and age has nothing to do with it. I'm only 18.

Like I said learn about yourself first and then learn from mistakes. As far as that gift goes I'd suggest not approaching that until she wants to talk. Still plenty of time till then and no need to get hasted with decisions.

[LifeChangesMan]

So gentleman basically anything can happen?

[wikedjuggalo]

so gentleman basically anything can happen?

Of course anything can happen. Listen you can sit and wait around for something to happen or live your life and see what it brings you. Keep moving forward and do not dwell in the past for life will pass you by.

[kctiger]

You control you and ONLY you. Don't worry about anything else as it is out of your hands. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it'll keep you busy but I doesn't get you anywhere (stole that).

[spitvenom]

so gentleman basically anything can happen?

Life is unpredictable. Prepare for the worse hope for the best. It is all you can do. But if it is any hope I went through the same thing gave the girl her space she realized how much I meant to her and now we are engaged. So there are happy endings.

[LifeChangesMan]

spitvenom you just made me so happy and brought tears to my eyes. Thanks pal. But I also cope with that fact that not all things happen like this as well as they did for you, how long were you guys not talking? If you don't mind me asking