[spin833]

I have a 22 year old daughter and 2 year old granddaughter who live with me. She has a very good job with a future so no issues there, BUT she was diagnosed with Bipolar in the past and shows sign of this all of the time. She is verbally abusive to me on a daily basis and shows signs of that potential with the baby. She cannot afford to live on her own. She does not help out around the house unless I make her. I only ask for $100 a month in rent which I have to make her pay. She has a real anger problem and always has. If I dare to ask her for rent for example, she gets mad tries to guilt me. I ask her to pick up, she gets mad. Everything is about responding through anger. Now she is starting to cuss in front of the baby and say things like "Gramma is a f!@##^% !" to the 2 year old. Her parenting skills with the baby are good sometimes, but other times she is harsh and impatient. I hear the baby cry a lot. She has had a drug problem is the past. On her weekends without the baby, she is gone to friends and partying. That is her choice, but lately, she is gone all weekend with the baby. I have no idea where she is with her.

My daughter has come to me a several occasions crying, saying she needs counseling. She can't be alone and thinks she has to be with a man. Unfortunately, she is picking the loosers that use and abuse. She will do anything for them and not take care of herself. Then she comes home and treats the baby and me terrilby! Sometimes she sees this and says she needs help to control her behavior with men and how she treats us. A week will go by and she has forgotten all about that conversation and it starts all over again. I am at my wits end. I would kick her out in a heartbeat if it was just her, but I am very concerned about the baby.

[J_9]

One question I have... Is she taking her meds?

[spin833]

No, she went off her maeds as soon as she turned 18. In her low times, she will say she needs counseling and maybe meds, but quickly forgets that conversations.

[J_9]

This is common with Bipolar Disorder. She need her meds to remain stable. It's like a diabetic not taking their insulin, however it is a different chemical imbalance than diabetes.

You need to insist that she get on her meds and take them daily or she will have to find a place of her own. You cannot enable this behavior, especially in front of your grandchild.

[spin833]

I agree, the thing that keeps stopping me is the safety of the baby.

[spin833]

Does anyone think and intervention would help? It seems that she will listen to others over me.

[J_9]

If the baby's safety is at risk you can petition for temporary custody until she gets the help she needs.

Interventions rarely work with Bipolar Disorder, although I would recommend trying it. It is up to the person with this disorder to realize that they have a chemical imbalance much like someone with diabetes or high blood pressure for instance. They need to take medication for a lifetime.

Usually they quit taking the meds as soon as they feel better, thinking they are cured, but this is further than the truth. Once the body stops making, or diminishes in making the neurotransmitters that keep us from having bipolar, we need synthetic neurotransmitters to keep us mentally and emotionally happy.

She most definitely needs counseling.

[spin833]

I agree, helping her realize is the problem. She will set up an appointment with a couselor then cancel. Do you think this is enough to get temp custody of the baby? Verbal abuse?

[J_9]

Does she have a current diagnosis, from a doctor, of Bipolar Disorder?

[spin833]

She asked to go to a new Dr. last year. I went with her and the Dr. confirmed that she was Bipolar then prescribed meds, but she never filled it.

[KBC]

Well you could get custody of your grandchild,with the diagnosis by the Dr. she saw,diagnosing the bi-polar disorder,and not taking her meds.

If a person is unstable,the courts would be more than ready to allow you even temporary custody of the child,or health and human services might take the child,for safety reasons alone.

If you have her committed to a facility for the treatment she needs,temporary custody for the grandchild would warranted,maybe encouraged by the courts.

Sorry this is happening to you,it might get harder before it gets better.

All the best,

KBC

[spin833]

Thank you so much for your respones. I hope I am not in denial, but I don't believe she is bad enough to be committed for help. She has a very good job and is doing very well at it. It is the one positive thing in her life right now. She is proud of herself which is so important. I just don't know how to get her in therapy and on her med. I am thinking if I could get temp custody she would get with it.

[KBC]

The normal response for someone we love,"It might not be all that bad,maybe I could try....."

How difficult is it for you to be the brunt of you daughters rants?

When is enough,enough.

My statement of the definition of insanity being this,Doing the same things, expecting different results,It keeps coming up in this area(mental health) and not just for the people with mental problems,their family and friends all suffer from this.

Enabling someone is a personal judgment, I reserve judging others,I rather enlighten their perspective in hope they will see it for themselves.

New idea just came to me,

Setting boundries,Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Maybe this will help explain this process.

Back to you,

KBC

[Buddy19902003]

Her anger is a result of the bi-polar issues. My mother was bi-polar and so was my ex boyfriend. My life has been profoundly affected and myself esteem is very low. I was screamed at as a child and called names. I was abused in different ways. Bi-polar people must have their medication to function with their families. Make sure you give her the support and help her get on medication. Please help her realize the lifelong consequences that this child will suffer if she does not get help now. My mother never took any medication until I was an adult. I was very shy as a child and felt as if everything was my fault, that my mother hated me and was basically alone. A child cannot get close to this type of parent because one minite they love them then in the next breath they hate them. So a child will just feel alone. It could almost be like not having a mother.

[dragonbones]

I am a mother of a 31 yr old bi polar probably with a personality disorder. She has 2 children. I have filled all the gaps foryears . I wanted the kids to stay with the family. They are now 14 and 10. She has just turned on me again. I have looked after the boy most of his life, now she won't let me have him. She accuses me of all sorts of things that aren't true. Now she's decided to take the kids to Melbourne. We live in Brisbane. The biggest mistake I made was keep welfare out. Now I can't protect them as they will be so far away. How I wish I had notified welfare when she locked them in the unit she had alone at night. Also when she beat into the older girl grand child. I have always been on the begging line trying to keep them safe and providing food and money when they were short. I gave up various jobs when I could provide care for them. Now I am left a empty vessel. I don't have good health and they will be so far away. Don't be a fool no matter what you do they will always resent you. I nearly died from high blood pressure a couple of weeks ago when all this started again. There have been so many abusive times. She puts on a good front to everyone else. There are so many lies it is impossible to find which story could be true. Don't make my mistake and think you can fix things yourself, all you will do is ruin your health and become worn out and poor. Get help. May God help you I'm just living on a prayer lately.