[mandibrown]

My dad is really struggling after 5 weeks of chemo & radiation for pancreatic cancer... our pastor told us to start preparing for his death... where do we start?! :(

[450donn]

You start by praying for strength and enjoying every day that he is alive to be with you. For a christian death is not the end, but the beginning. Death should be a celebration of his life and his accomplishments. His time here on earth may be nearly over, but God has other plans for him. I nearly lost my wife of 41 years this summer for the second time. I would cry a lot of tears if she had died, but I would have also known that she was in heaven with my Lord and no longer suffering here on earth.

[SimpleguyJoe]

You start by trying to accept... accept the fact that the time you have with a loved one is dwindiling. He might come back from it but he might not. My dad beat cancer 3 times before it finally came back and got him. You have to be happy for any extra time god gives your father. Every day is another gift I was lucky enough to get another 3 years because of my fathers streangth and gods will. Be happy around him try and lighten up his mood do fun things with him, anything within your power to keep him in good spirits. Even if its just watching a football game with him. I hope that you can spend and enjoy as much time as you possibly can with him. Don't let what's happening push you away because of saddness. Good luck going through this and god bless =).

On another note if things are looking that grim you should get Hospice involved if they are not already. They offer a lot of solutions and will help you organize things with a funeral home and whatever else you might need.

[Clough]

Hi, mandibrown!

I do know what you're going through! For over a year I watched my dad die. I was in my mid-twenties. He died on Christmas day a long time ago. Our pastor said that was nice because that was the time that we celebrate Christ coming into the world and that my dad gave himself back to Christ at the same time.

It was only during his last year on this earth that I finally started to tell him that I loved him. His response when I would be upset about his dying was that he would tell me that "it's just one of those things" and "that there are much more important things now". What he meant by that, was that loving others, caring and being with them while you have the time and opportunity was the most important thing.

You've already received a couple of excellent answers above! I would just like to encourage you to please spend as much time with your father that you can. Also, please know that if you need shoulders on which to lean, that we'll be here for you!

Thanks!

[TexasParent]

My father died of Cancer and what I would recommend is to thank him for everything he has done for you and tell him how much you love him. If there is something you harbor a resentment about put it to rest now in case he dies. The important thing is don't wait until he's close to deaths door as was the case with my father. It can come faster than expected, so if you have something to say to him, say it now; just in case.

Some families have a difficult time communicating their love directly to one another and after a loved one passes they wished they had said more to that loved one. Please don't be in that situation. I am sure your father would love to go down memory lane with you as you describe how in love with him you were when you were 5 years old and he gave you that pony ride on his back or something similar. You can celebrate his life with him now that he is still alive, and if he comes through it; great, if not you haven't left any stone unturned.

God Bless you and your father.

[progunr]

I'd like to recommend a book, that is also available in audio form.

It is called Love, Medicine, and Miracles by Dr. Bernard Segel.

I think he also has one called The Power of Love and Laughter in Medicine.

It helped me a great deal in understanding and coping with my fathers death, also from cancer.

I will give you this bit of advice though, if you have any questions, ask them, if you have anything you feel you want, or even might want to say, say it. One of the worst things to face after the loss of a loved one are the "I wish I had told them, or I wish I had asked them" as those are wishes you will have to endure missing for the rest of your life.

[Clough]

Hey, mandibrown!

I'm just wondering how things are going now for you and yours? Would appreciate hearing back from you about that. I'm concerned, as I'm sure others are...

Thanks!

[HistorianChick]

Have your Dad start a journal of all the things that he wants to say, all the things that he could dream of saying to you on future days, all the things that he wants you to remember. My Mom went to Hallmark and bought a bunch of cards - those cards still pop up on random holidays, occasions, stressful days from my Dad - who died from cancer.

Cling to your memories, write them down so you won't forget them.

Spend as much time as you can with him. Take care of him. Love on him. Hug him every night, kiss his cheek, and tell him you love him.

[SimpleguyJoe]

My Mom went to Hallmark and bought a bunch of cards - those cards still pop up on random holidays, occasions, stressful days from my Dad - who died from cancer.

Cling to your memories, write them down so you won't forget them.

Spend as much time as you can with him. Take care of him. Love on him. Hug him every night, kiss his cheek, and tell him you love him.

I really like the card advice seems like a great thing to do.

[knl81]

Your dad and the rest of your family have been given this gift of time. You should grieve but realize that this precious gift of knowing what is to come is a time where you can reconnect as a family and say the things you want to say. The cancer and the treatments must be so hard on him physically and emotionally as well. Just being there for your dad and for your family to be a good support system to each other will help a lot. With not knowing a lot about your situation one thing you don't want to lose is hope. There are times when the cancer takes our bodies over and our hope changes into hoping that there the person is comfortable and peaceful. If your dad plans on with the treatments be there for him but if he finds himself that he doesn't want to or physically is not able to support him on that as well. If he choses that route, together seek out a local hospice. They do wonderful things in not only the person with the cancer like your dad but they can be a great support for you and your family.

[Bluerose]

I hope you'll come back and let us know how you are. It's a tough time for you and sharing with others who understand is not a bad thing. Take care.

[yogiP]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad during this difficult time. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer two years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of him.

Strolling down memory lane with your dad is a great idea. Browsing through old pictures is fun too. It will leave you both with warm feelings of the past. Please say everything there is to say to him now so there are no regrets later.

Like the other posts advised, Hospice is wonderful. They are comforting and knowledgeable.

Sometimes its hard to discuss the "if something should happen to me" but listen to him if and when he wants to have that conversation...

Most importantly... dont lose hope and god bless...