[Fiona2003]

You'd think that by 30, I'd understand lads, but I am stumped on this one.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I went to get chinese take out. I waited in the car and when he came out with the food, he also had a gumball machine "bubble" containing a ring. As we were driving home, he handed me the ring and when I put it on, he asked me "Will you marry me?" in Gaelic (we both speak it, I'm an intermediate learner and he's more advanced). I didn't know what to say at first and did that girly blushing and laughing thing (can't help it). He asked again, with more dramatic flair, so I said yes in Gaelic.

I wore the ring the rest of the evening, and even had it on the next time we met up, and he commented jokingly "That's some rock you got there" I figured that if he went out on a limb, there might be some true feelings there, and I didn't want to hurt him by just tossing the ring.

My question is this, do you think he did this as a way of saying "I'd like to get married but can't afford it right now" or "Commitment freaks me out so I'm going to make a joke out of it"

Background: We have been dating for one and a half years and he's sometimes been a little flaky (a.k.a. telling me he feels pressured about various things, once when I surprise visited him he was not happy to see me but pretended to be but later told his mom the truth, inviting me over but then is annoyed when I do come over) but we do have a lot of the same values and he does invite me to family functions, has brought me to work parties, his favorite bar, etc. We have gone on short vacations together and got along well on those. We are not living together (I am living at home because of a back injury right now) and are not sleeping with one another (trying to save it for marriage).

Is it possible that he is trying to tell me something but can't say it directly, good or bad?

[ZoeMarie]

that's so cute. =) maybe he's just getting a feel for how you might react when/if he does propose.

[JBeaucaire]

Why don't you just enjoy the playful moment for what it was? You know full well that if he wants to ask you to marry him for real, he will.

If you're unclear about the future, just bring it up calmly as part of some "what if" conversation the next time it comes up. Don't refer to this play ring, leave that alone. It was cute and should remain so in your mind.

[Fiona2003]

You brought up another question by answering it in my mind... should I wear it again. I'll trust you on your "no" there :)

I have trouble not overanalyzing things... part being a girl and part guys not giving much to go on. LOL. It never changes.

[450donn]

This is a very confused relationship considering 1-1/2 years together already. I guess you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him concerning your futures together and where he sees this relationship is six months, one year, five years. If it does not match up with your expectations then you have a choice to make. Sacrifice your desires,or move on to greener pastures.

[Fiona2003]

Any tips on how, where and when on that? He hates "talking" even when it's just me saying calmly that I feel bad about a small misunderstanding. Even that makes him clench his fists under the table. I don't know what I can do to facilitate his feeling more at ease.

[450donn]

You need to understand something about men. We do not talk! Saying "yea, your cute", to a man is the same as saying "I love you", to a woman. If he is that intimidated talking to you, it will not get any better with age. Maybe he needs to talk to a professional to understand a little about how to communicate with people. For your own insite into a mans brain and how we are different than women you could go to YouTube and search for Mark Gunger or laugh your way to a better marriage. They are about 10 minute snippets from one of his seminars. Watch them all and you will get a basic understanding, plus he is so funny you will probably need a kleenex to wipe away the tears.

[Fiona2003]

Funny is good. From what I've learned about men, they seem to communicate with jokes and indirect comments, so that sounds like a non-threatening start.

[JBeaucaire]

I still tug the occasional ponytail. I'm old school. :) :)