[spartan101]

Hi all can I just say I think this site and everyone who is a member on it are great to have to come to for advice, first time using something like this so here goes. . This is a sort of long story but basically I started going out with a girl at xmas last year after I had just came out of a long term relationship.
We worked together and got on really well and eventually (at xmas) started going out. Things seemed OK but after a while like janary or February I found messages on her phone to her x which, when confronted she denied and then said she would stop.
a month later she was caught again but I gave her another chance. After march/april I guessed everything was great until she asked me to check her email one night and in her sent messages which she forgot to delete there were messages to him from xmas until June!! The messages were about having a child with him and saying she would try and meet up with him if she could get time off work. I also took her away to a hotel for 3 nites on her birthday as a surprise later to find out that she was in touch with him before, during and after our time away.
it is now November, nearly a year later and I'm writing to say what do u think I should do, I love her but this is insane and I feel like the piece of here. She hasn't spoke to him since June now but I can't forget all this and I really really have tried my best to try and move on. Please help thanks very much in advance . Another thing which I know may seem immature but she said she never really done it with him but I found emails talking in the hundreds of the times they dun it and in her car which she drives now and she denies he was ever in it) this last part won't leave my head and she also said the last time they met was oct 07 but he said they done it on 22nd dec. so much lies and my head is going to explode.. .

[slapshot_oi]

"If your girlfriend doesn't make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That's what girlfriends are for."

Sorry bro, she's not fully invested in your relationship, you can even see that. You should be the one to end it.

[lovnmydevildog]

I would leave her before you get more attached... I can tell you from plenty of experience she will not stop talking to other guys if she did it that many times and lied she will only get better at hiding it

[TrueFaith]

what should you do?

Leave HER!

this women has no feelings for what so ever
talking to her X

she is keeping him on the back burner for if things don't work out with you. She will go back with him

keeping her Options open!

Ok the first time texting.. you let her off

2nd time.. you should not have

and when you found the emails..
well that's it man its clear

get rid of her
and tell her that.. I Am 2nd best to no One!

this relationship will damage if you stay in it
do the right thing and leave

[asking]

Dump her.

[spartan101]

How do I forget about the other though? Its doing my head in

[kctiger]

Your head will play games with you, more than your ex will. You have control over your thoughts, you really do. Think of thoughts as a bunch of random files in your head. The key is to let them pass (think about them for a minute), and then file them in a cabinet and keep the cabinet shut. If you leave the cabinet open, you have a bunch of random screwed up thoughts just floating in your head. The mind is much more creative and hurtful when we LET it be.

You have to get rid of her and her baggage. Do not let your mind tear you down, like she has. You deserve someone with a clean slate, go find her.

[Romefalls19]

Leave her, she is lying to you and has been. I would normally suggest talking, but it seems communication just doesn't work with this girl. Say goodbye and find someone new

[redwee74]

Okay spartan, you can not fix her and she will not stop completely. It may have been since June but it may not you can not trust her. You MUST leave this relationship behind you and go forward with the rest of your life. This girlfriend will only drag you down like she is doing now. Sorry but end it. God bless and Good Luck.

[talaniman]

She is who she is. Lying cheating conniving. That's a given. What are you, that you put up with this kind of behavior?

Get your dignity, and self respect back, and leave this poor excuse of a relationship behind.

Thats exactly what you should do, or quite complaining.

Sorry to be harsh, but you're the one letting her get away with it.

[mommyoftwins200]

Run as fast as you can, I was lied to for three years. Now two children later and he's married and has a child that was born 2 1/2 weeks prior to his twin daughters being born to the woman he was cheating on me with. He lied from day one and I have no idea why I didn't leave him then. He lied about very little things like I am getting in the shower, when actually he was still at work and I knew that because I was sitting in front of his house. Then for 2 years lied about going to college, so where was he going M-F evening? Lied to me about getting jumped 2 times when really it was over drugs and a bunch of bs. Lied and said that he was visiting his father in the hospital when really he was at a sox game with his friends. Found text messages from him to other girls all the time in his phone.

[jmw0713]

She would be done... done... DONE in my book. If you can't trust her, you can't have a relationship with her. End of story. You got to make the decision here. Don't let her have the satisfaction of ending this on her terms.

If she is putting you through this much hurt, why would you want to stay?

Get out, now. It will be easier in the end. If you stay she will find other ways, or other men, to hide. You don't want that... so you need to leave her and find someone better.

[spartan101]

Is there any way to forget all the xtra be though, I mean how do I move on because it wasn't my falut, or was it? I'm 20 she's 26

[jmw0713]

You need to get yourself busy with family, friends, and hobbies. You need to distract you mind and eliminate all things that remind you of her from you sight.

Talk everything out with good friends and family and just try not to think about it.

I am going through the same stuff, pretty much as you. I was thinking that I did something, that's I was wrong... well YOU Can't THINK THAT. Look at your original post and tell me who is wrong... you or the girl who is still seeing her ex. HMMM...

Things like this happen for a reason. Sometimes you will never know why... later on if you still want answers, try to reflect back on some signs or conversations you missed in the past. This may answer a lot for you, I know it did for me. Give yourself a couple of days to settle down, then look back. Everything will be much clearer. I can almost guarantee you will see things in a clearer light and find that it was not you who messed this up.

She has not been treating you well at all. She has given you plenty of reason not to trust her, especially the fact the she is remaining in contact and spending time with her ex. BIG RED FLAG!

Don't put up with this crap. Use the advice you get here to help you make your life better... a live with out her. You deserve someone better and that someone will come when the time is right and you will be 1000% happier. That's what I hope for everyday.:)

[Eminent]

Read my post and listen to every reply that people have given me...

Basically... GET OUT OF THERE or well you will end up... umm how can I put this... completely more screwed than your feeling right now.

Dude it hurts like but its completely the best decision even if you don't feel like it is because you still love her.

[wolf2008]

If your girlfriend is doing that to you she will not stop , you got to leave and leave her now a liar is always a liar.