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meowkibobb · Nov 5, 2008, 01:30 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, and everything so far is awesome. But I have a gut feeling about something, and it makes me sick sometimes.

About a year ago my boyfriend and I were driving around with friends when I dropped something under the passenger seat.
I found empty condom wrappers under the seat.

(My boyfriend and I don't use condoms. I am on the pill)

I didn't ask anything because his friends were capable of doing stuff like that.

Until I found more wrappers in his room, I suppose snooping was the best idea at the time, so I looked under his bed and found a half empty box.

I still didn't say anything and to anyone.
I went to the movies a week prior and a girl told me she had been sleeping with him..

When I confronted him about it he denied it (of course). I believed him because he is a really nice guy and wouldn't seem like he could do something like that.

Someone then started leaving me messages his friends were saying about me like

" he wont leave her because shes f**king crazy and will kill herself" which is not true I have always gave him his space, so there was no clinging or smothering, I didn't understand any of that.

Another friend said that my boyfriend had gotten hand jobs at a parties and was seen leaving a girl.

I showed him this one night, and he got upset with me and stopped hanging out with me, and constantly was with his friends.

A few months later we had gotten into a really bad accident, which we both could have died in. things started looking for the better after the accident, and I thought nothing of the "cheating"

When he came back from vacation 2 weeks later I had found condoms in his wallet... I blew up and told him I didn't want anything to do with him...

He explained to me that he had always carried them, didn't know why he carried them, and wouldn't do it again. I believed him.

After that things really did pick up and things were really happy until I found them again about a month ago...

He told me that he doesn't know how to use them, but still why would you go through a box of condoms to practice on.

I just need advice, whether I'm just crazy or I have something to worry about.

450donn · Nov 5, 2008, 01:55 PM

According to your comments he is cheating on you. Guess no matter how nice he is he is still a cheater. I see nothing positive coming from this relationship except you sitting home alone with four kids while he is out sleeping his way through all of the females within twenty miles. Dump him and move on to someone nice.

meowkibobb · Nov 5, 2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by 450donn

According to your comments he is cheating on you. Guess no matter how nice he is he is still a cheater. I see nothing positive coming from this relationship except you sitting home alone with four kids while he is out sleeping his way through all of the females within twenty miles. Dump him and move on to someone nice.

Thank you so much for your advice

kxracer85a · Nov 5, 2008, 02:12 PM

Yea he's def. cheating, and from a nice guy's point of view he isn't very nice, cheating is the worst thing you can do. You need to leave him before you keep getting hurt, it will be hard but you deserve way better than that.

BMI · Nov 5, 2008, 02:20 PM

You have to stop believing what you want to believe.

I don't buy his stories one bit and I doubt anyone else here does either. The writing is on the wall, again, I'm surprised it went this long.

meowkibobb · Nov 5, 2008, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by kxracer85a

Yea he's def. cheating, and from a nice guy's point of view he isn't very nice, cheating is the worst thing you can do. You need to leave him before you keep getting hurt, it will be hard but you deserve way better than that.

Thank you for your advice <3
He told me he's been cheated on and could never do it to me, but do you really think he is or did?

kxracer85a · Nov 5, 2008, 02:57 PM

I think it's the person not what a person has had happen to them, I was in a 3 year relationship and was cheated on, and I know I still could never cheat on someone a girl friend. There is more than one reason to make me believe he is cheating on you, and I think If you keep finding condoms, and you two don't use them, then that' the clear answer to your question. I know you don't want to believe, cause your prob. In love with him, but you need to leave before you keep getting hurt.

meowkibobb · Nov 5, 2008, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by kxracer85a

I think its the person not what a person has had happen to them, I was in a 3 year relationship and was cheated on, and I know I still could never cheat on someone a girl friend. There is more than one reason to make me believe he is cheating on you, and I think If you keep finding condoms, and you two don't use them, then that' the clear answer to your question. I know you don't want to believe, cause your prob. in love with him, but you need to leave before you keep getting hurt.

Thank you so much for your advice one again <3
I really appreciate it

kitten420 · Nov 5, 2008, 04:42 PM

He is definitely cheating and I wouldn't try and make up excuses...

"he says he would never cheat on me"... "hes a nice guy"

Hunny the answers are right in front of your face and I think you are trying to avoid them.

As much as you love him you can't let someone treat you like that. You need to leave him and move on as hard as it might be.

And as far as if he tried to come back to you after you leave him I wouldn't put up with it. There is a diffrence if he cheated once and he felt bad and admitted it to you... but since its even obvious that its happened more then once and he could care less. Then he is not worth your time. SO just let the loser go and move on. Or in the end he will end up leaving you and you will be the one hurt.

jrsg · Nov 5, 2008, 05:10 PM

I heard the phrase, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I've found this to be true most of the time, but there are some (very few) exceptions. If he cheats once, he'll do it again.

It seems, that from what you say, he is cheating. He doesn't even give you the respect of admitting it, and apologizing, or begging for your forgivness.

As great as he is, he isn't being truthful. You CAN find someone better.

Good luck,
And if you do decide to break up, there is a lot of help available on this site. Many people here will be more than willing to help you get through it.

Again, good luck,
And let us know what you decide to do

linnealand · Nov 6, 2008, 08:34 PM

What a jerk.

Darling, I don't understand how you can say that everything is awesome. Similarly, I don't understand how you can say that you have a gut feeling when there is enough evidence before you to fill an entire season of Colombo episodes.

What else would it take for you to accept the situation? A movie about it? He's decidedly not a nice guy. He's decidedly not the guy you thought he was or the guy you want him to be.

Let me spell it out for you. He's c-h-e-a-t-i-n-g. he's also lying about it. That makes him a cheater, a manipulator and a l-i-a-r.

I'd much rather be single than with a gorilla like him, 100 times out of 100. Maybe you don't think he's a gorilla because he can send you sweet texts and you have fun in bed. Maybe he plays the piano and he's on the football team. He's still a gorilla doing all of those things. No, not a gorilla... a baboon.

I feel bad that you wasted your time having to type all of that out. There's no question about what you should do. Zero.

1. leave him. Period. Forever. Don't let him hold you back, and don't let him waste any more of your precious time. He's only going to keep loosening the screws on the faith you have in yourself.

2. go get tested for STDs. All of them. He's been sleeping around, and he hasn't been wearing condoms with you. Just because he's been carrying condoms doesn't mean he let a couple of times slide by.

3. the next time you find that kind of evidence, you don't let it drag out until he's finished sleeping with everything but the kitchen sink.

4. you need to check yourself esteem. Between this post and your AS thread, it looks like you're willing to put up with an unbelievable amount of garbage. His demeaning behaviors are one thing. The way you handle yourself in front of them is totally about you. You deserve more self respect. You need to treat yourself with more respect, and you need to teach others to do the same.

I read this thread after this one: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...-277426-3.html. There are so many very bad things going on because of his actions and your allowance of them.

You seem like a very sweet, caring and innocent girl. That's wonderful. But you can't let people take advantage of you because you're naïve. Stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, and let the fray crumble in your wake.

If you were my little sister, this is exactly what I'd be telling you. You might not like the things I've said, and you might not agree with all of them. That's okay. I think you just need a big, bright, shiny reality check. It's only being said with your best interests at heart. I really do hope the best for you. I know this has got to be very painful and very difficult. If he's your first "love," I know it can feel especially tough inside. But sometimes you just have to tear the band aid off in one swift gesture. Protect your body, your heart and your mind. Throw this one back in the pond where he belongs.

starbuck8 · Nov 7, 2008, 04:37 PM

You really need to trust the advice given to you here. Especially what linnealand has said to you. You need to cut all ties with this "guy", as I hesitate to call him a man. Please take my advice to heart also, from someone that turned my head and didn't stand up for my own dignity or self respect, and in my gut I knew that all of the lies and excuses were just that. Lies and Excuses! I didn't even have all of the "in your face" lies that your guy has been blatently and unscrupulously telling you.

If you hear nothing else, hear this! LEAVE NOW! Do not waste another minute of your life with this cheater and liar! I'm sure he's absolutely charming! He's got the condom wrappers to prove it! He's really charming, until he starts ruining your rep by telling lame lies, that by the way is their way of getting attention, that you are unstable, and a phycho stalker, but he is so worried about your well being, so he stays with you.

I was apparently given that title, which I didn't find out until AFTER I left him, and heard it from others. You have had the grace of finding out ahead of time. In an odd turn of events, he is now my stalker. So you better get out now, or you could quite likely be in for the ride of your life, and it could turn out very badly for you, and you could be hurt. By the way, my ex was a great guy too, for many years, or so I thought until I found out the real truth.

You said you don't use condoms with him. Do you really think he's used a condom every time with someone else? He doesn't sound like he has much respect for people in general, and it comes hand in hand that he doesn't have much respect for himself either. He likely won't care if he passes on an STD to you, and that could effect the rest of your life. It could effect your chances of having a child, give you an incurable STD, or possibly even threaten your life! Is he really worth that because he's "AWESOME" Yeah, he's awesome all right! I'm sure he can get many girls to testify for him... well until they get a wake up call themselves.

Seriously, I know you think you love him, but trust what these other people are saying. He doesn't love you, he is trashing you to further his own cause! This is his story to get girls to think he is the great guy. He just stay with you to help you right? I know that hurts to hear, but he just doesn't love or respect you, and that the cold hard truth of it.

I don't mean to come down so hard on you, but I needed to be tough to make you realise that for your own sanity, safety, and future, that you need to leave YESTERDAY!

I wish you the best!

meowkibobb · Nov 8, 2008, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by linnealand

what a jerk.

darling, i don't understand how you can say that everything is awesome. similarly, i don't understand how you can say that you have a gut feeling when there is enough evidence before you to fill an entire season of Colombo episodes.

what else would it take for you to accept the situation? a movie about it? he's decidedly not a nice guy. he's decidedly not the guy you thought he was or the guy you want him to be.

let me spell it out for you. he's c-h-e-a-t-i-n-g. he's also lying about it. that makes him a cheater, a manipulator and a l-i-a-r.

i'd much rather be single than with a gorilla like him, 100 times out of 100. maybe you don't think he's a gorilla because he can send you sweet texts and you have fun in bed. maybe he plays the piano and he's on the football team. he's still a gorilla doing all of those things. no, not a gorilla... a baboon.

i feel bad that you wasted your time having to type all of that out. there's no question about what you should do. zero.

1. leave him. period. forever. don't let him hold you back, and don't let him waste any more of your precious time. he's only going to keep loosening the screws on the faith you have in yourself.

2. go get tested for STDs. all of them. he's been sleeping around, and he hasn't been wearing condoms with you. just because he's been carrying condoms doesn't mean he let a couple of times slide by.

3. the next time you find that kind of evidence, you don't let it drag out until he's finished sleeping with everything but the kitchen sink.

4. you need to check your self esteem. between this post and your AS thread, it looks like you're willing to put up with an unbelievable amount of garbage. his demeaning behaviors are one thing. the way you handle yourself in front of them is totally about you. you deserve more self respect. you need to treat yourself with more respect, and you need to teach others to do the same.

i read this thread after this one: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...-277426-3.html. there are so many very bad things going on because of his actions and your allowance of them.

you seem like a very sweet, caring and innocent girl. that's wonderful. but you can't let people take advantage of you because you're naive. stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, and let the fray crumble in your wake.

if you were my little sister, this is exactly what i'd be telling you. you might not like the things i've said, and you might not agree with all of them. that's okay. i think you just need a big, bright, shiny reality check. it's only being said with your best interests at heart. i really do hope the best for you. i know this has got to be very painful and very difficult. if he's your first "love," i know it can feel especially tough inside. but sometimes you just have to tear the band aid off in one swift gesture. protect your body, your heart and your mind. throw this one back in the pond where he belongs.

<3 hugs thank you so much <3
Your advice means the most to me.
I've been trying really hard this past few days to try and change a lot of things and get my point across.
And your advice has made it a lot easier
Xoxoxoxox thank you always

meowkibobb · Nov 8, 2008, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by kxracer85a

I think its the person not what a person has had happen to them, I was in a 3 year relationship and was cheated on, and I know I still could never cheat on someone a girl friend. There is more than one reason to make me believe he is cheating on you, and I think If you keep finding condoms, and you two don't use them, then that' the clear answer to your question. I know you don't want to believe, cause your prob. in love with him, but you need to leave before you keep getting hurt.

Thank you so much for your advice

meowkibobb · Nov 8, 2008, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

He is definatly cheating and I wouldnt try and make up excuses ....

"he says he would never cheat on me" ...."hes a nice guy"

Hunny the answers are right in front of your face and I think you are trying to avoid them.

As much as you love him you can't let someone treat you like that. You need to leave him and move on as hard as it might be.

And as far as if he tried to come back to you after you leave him I wouldnt put up with it. There is a diffrence if he cheated once and he felt bad and admited it to you...but since its even obvious that its happend more then once and he could care less. Then he is not worth your time. SO just let the loser go and move on. Or in the end he will end up leaving you and you will be the one hurt.

<3 thank you for your time and advice

meowkibobb · Nov 8, 2008, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by jrsg

I heard the phrase, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I've found this to be true most of the time, but there are some (very few) exceptions. If he cheats once, he'll do it again.

It seems, that from what you say, he is cheating. He doesn't even give you the respect of admitting it, and apologizing, or begging for your forgivness.

As great as he is, he isn't being truthful. You CAN find someone better.

Good luck,
and if you do decide to break up, there is a lot of help available on this site. Many people here will be more than willing to help you get through it.

Again, good luck,
and let us know what you decide to do

Thank you so much for your advice it means a lot
Ever since I posted those too questions and read the advice and answers to them,
I've been trying to talk to him about this, and I'm trying really hard to think of reasons whether to stay or go.
Its been OK so far, sometimes awkward, and hurtful... but I think in the end I'll find a good decision.
Thank you for your time to answer my questions <3

linnealand · Nov 8, 2008, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by meowkibobb

<3 hugs thank you so much <3
your advice means the most to me.
I've been trying really hard this past few days to try and change a lot of things and get my point across.
and your advice has made it a lot easier
xoxoxoxox thank you always

:)

You deserve better!

No doubt you're a complete sweetheart. Keep that inside, but stay strong and fight for the good things in life. There are so many wonderful people out there. There's no reason to waste your time with someone who takes advantage of your innocence.

I wish only good things for you.

starbuck8 · Nov 8, 2008, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by meowkibobb

thank you so much for your advice it means a lot
ever since i posted those too questions and read the advice and answers to them,
I've been trying to talk to him about this, and i'm trying really hard to think of reasons whether to stay or go.
its been ok so far, sometimes awkward, and hurtful... but i think in the end i'll find a good decision.
thank you for your time to answer my questions <3

Honey, I don't know why it is hard to think of reasons. The reasons are right in front of you. He cheats, lies about it, and lies to other people that he only stays because you're so weak without him that you will kill yourself. Also, your sex life suffers, because he can't get hard, but then masturbates after you've gone to sleep. There are your reasons.

I know you are probably thinking... but she doesn't know the emotional bond we have. He is great when we are together, and we just click on an emotional level. Well, I do know. My ex and I had that bond. We were best friends, we could tell each other anything, we never fought, we just didn't. All of our friends used to comment on they would die to have a relationship like ours. We would sit for hours on end, at least 3 or 4 nights a week and just talk, and laugh, sometimes cry. We went on beautiful trips together. We would spend days, just the two of us on a boat floating around, and then sit on the beach at night and would just tell each other everything, or so I thought. We were joined at the hip. We really didn't go many places apart. It's not like we didn't make time for our separate friends, but most times we were together, enjoying golfing, or fishing, things like that. He would go to work in the morning, and come home every night. His son, him and I would always sit and have dinner together. My point is, I thought I knew everything there was to know. But, he left out a few details. When I thought he was hard at work, he really was "hard" at work! See he was the boss. He would let his employees know what was on the agenda for the day, and off he would go to cheat on me. Not with just one girl, not with two, but countless. Then he would come home to me, and everything was normal... when in fact it wasn't. I was heartbroken when I finally found out.

So you can talk to him until you are blue in the face. He can make you all the promises in the world. Mine used to tell me he would NEVER even think of cheating on me or lying to me, because it had been done to him. Classic line by the way. Your guy just isn't going to up and change what he's been doing, trust me he won't. He may for awhile, but eventually he will go back to what he's doing. By that time, you will be in so deep, you won't be able to see the light of day. Yourself esteem and self worth will be shot to hell, and you will be left with more of a broken heart than you would if you left now.

Please think about this. I don't want someone else to go through what I had to.

kitten420 · Nov 8, 2008, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by meowkibobb

<3 thank you for your time and advice

Thank you ,

I hope everything works out for the best. In the end you will see that you are MORE happy without him. I you really need help leaving him I would write down on a piece of paper all the bad things in your relationship DO NOT write any of the good things it will just trap you even more. Write down all the bad things in your relationship and think about it seriously and when ist time for the break up think of all the things your wrote down and it will help you with your break up a lot!! I have done this before... and old friend told me to do it and it really made me feel better about all the reasons we shouldn't be together and then in the end I didn't feel like any of the things he did was my fault. And then I thought of myself and I knew I deserved better then that. Good luck hun and remember to stay strong no matter how much you still want to be with him.

meowkibobb · Nov 8, 2008, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

Thank you ,

I hope everything works out for the best. In the end you will see that u are MORE happy without him. I you really need help leaving him I would write down on a peice of paper all the bad things in your relationship DO NOT write any of the good things it will just trap you even more. Write down all the bad things in your relationship and think about it seriously and when ist time for the break up think of all the things your wrote down and it will help you with ur break up a lot!!! I have done this before...and old friend told me to do it and it rly made me feel better about all the reasons why we shouldnt be together and then in the end I didnt feel like any of the things he did was my fault. And then I thought of myself and I knew I deserved better then that. Good luck hun and remember to stay strong no matter how much u still want to be with him.

*hugs* thanks, today I think I will start that list. Thank you so much for your advice I really do appreciate it.
Take care