[momof4and1]

My son is 10 and I have had full custody of him all of his life. I need some good advice like books and things to take with me to mediation as to what kind of impact this will have on my son if he is taken from my home. My ex currently has visitation of 1 overnight every other weekend and a 2-4 hours a week on weeknights. Most of the time he never even shows up. He all of the sudden wants full custody of him. I am sure this is being pushed by his new wife. Now he wants him full time.
We recently lost our business because of the economy and are not in a spot financally to fight this like we could have before. He waited until the day we closed our business doors to have me served. Also, my ex made it known to our son of my financial situation and has made my son fear that I cannot not take care of him. Nevertheless, my son doesn't want to live with him. My ex has been convicted of spousal abuse, but in our state, that doesn't apply to the children, even if they were present.

[Justwantfair]

Custody battles are long and horrible processes. While in mediation you will be talked to about making all of your choices on what is best for your son. Be prepared, this is just step one. Hopefully your ex understands that by pursuing this past mediation he will not only be hurting his son, you will both be flushing countless funds that could be applied to his future. Good luck.

[momof4and1]

Thanks, Justwantfair. Unfortunately, he cares more about making me mad than his son, or he'd show up for his visitation or put him on his insurance, or how about sign his birth cert. Oh, his mommy pays for his attorney and things.

[Justwantfair]

I am living in the same situation. For some people child custody is about the control and I don't know about the court system there but the court system in Illinois is a frustrating process. I hope that things work out well for you. The things you are listing are good examples for why you should retain custody, just keep bringing them up, and make sure to start a journal of all of the dates that things occur, dates he misses visitation, etc. It will become a key tool should this get involved in the court system. There is a wonderful book, pricey but worth the money, it's call Win your Child Custody War, by C. Hardwick.

[momof4and1]

Thanks for your help. I am going to Amazon right now to get the book! Good luck with your kid(s)! Hopefully for their sake and your sanity it is over soon with a good outcome. We both know there are no winners in these circles though, right?

[Justwantfair]

It's definitely a lose/lose. Did you find the book, I hope it wasn't too pricey. It is worth it.

[cdad]

Try to remember that mediation isn't the place for war. Maybe your better off trying to be somewhat reasonable rather then turning it into a huge fight. If he were to spend more time with his child then how much time would be reasonable ? Why not think about letting him have every other weekend and work out a graduated schedule that both of you can live with which might include extended weekends or a block of time in the summer. Hes 10 and quite frankly is going to need his father just as much as he needs you in the coming years of change and peer pressure. All this only becomes a battle if niether side compromises. Try to give that some thought and Good Luck.

[momof4and1]

Thanks for the extra insight from the other point of view. The gradual schedule is a good idea since I am not sure if he is going to really be around. I appreciate you time califdadof3.