[anxious_RN]

I can probably guess what most of the responses are going to be after reading other posts on this website... but I wanted some insight anyway.

I am 19, boyfriends 24 almost 25. We have been together for a year and seven months now. For some reason, ever since I have been dating him I have always hated porn, I would get desperatly jealous even thinking about him looking at another naked woman. This is not a trust issue between us, I know that he would never cheat or do anything like that. This is because probably - I have confidence problems. I am worried that I will get compared to this other girl, yada yada.

I asked him the other day, just out of curiousity if he would ever want to watch porn together.. kind of hoping he would say no. He said that he would, if I felt comfortable with it so that we could get ideas of different things to do. (it gets kind of boring after a year and a half :p). For some reason it's a really touchy subject for me, I was crying, and he told me that its not worth it and to forget about it, he doesn't need it.

I want to watch porn with him, I want to be able to have something different, something to spice up our sex life. But once I start thinking about that I'm thinking about him having sex with me, while being turned on by some other hot girl on the TV screen and then I just go completely against it. But then I think.. he's been w/ me for a year and a half now. He loves me, why am I so worried? But its just this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach of some other girl turning the person I gave my heart to on.?

What do I do? I WANT TO WATCH PORN WITH HIM! I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT DOING IT! But then I get all weird and start feeling that other stuff... help :(

[TexasParent]

Ask yourself, when you watch porn on your own do you want the guy or girl in the scene more than your boyfriend? Of course not, because there is no emotional connection. He can't want a digital/tv image more than you, it isn't real. Does it arouse him, sure it does, and if you were to watch it alone it would arouse you too if you gave it a chance.

So go easy, try it yourself and get comfortable with it, then invite your boyfriend to watch with you. You will be surprised how it may enhance the intimacy you have with each other if you can honestly discuss what turns you on about particular scenes, etc.

My personal experience is that the porn movie lasts about 5 to 10 minutes tops before we are to horny watch anymore and we end up making love more intensely for hours or half thereof after watching it. My wife and I, and when in the situation with previous girlfriends have never been able to watch more than 10 or so minutes of a porn before jumping each other.

Have confidence in yourself and him; and have fun.

[450donn]

I have several rants on here about porn and the effects of it. If you are curious, simply do a search on here about the subject. Seems about every other concern is about one partner watching/reading about porn. Porn is one of the fastest growing addictions in the world today. People will choose to do things in the bedroom and in the privacy of their homes that others will find offensive. If you do not want to watch porn, then don't If you think you can use porn to "spice up" your bedroom experiences, it probably won't. Remember porn is like any other addiction eventually a little will not be enough and you will need more to get off.

[TexasParent]

I have several rants on here about porn and the effects of it. If you are curious, simply do a search on here about the subject. seems about every other concern is about one partner watching/reading about porn. Porn is one of the fastest growing addictions in the world today. people will choose to do things in the bedroom and in the privacy of their homes that others will find offensive. If you do not want to watch porn, then don't If you think you can use porn to "spice up" your bedroom experiences, it probably wont. remember porn is like any other addiction eventually a little will not be enough and you will need more to get off.

It's interesting that you view porn as an addiction. In a committed replationship or marriage it can be fun when both people participate together. If the couple has a fear of one or the other becoming addicted, then they could agree to not watching porn unless the other partner is there participating.

As I said previously, porn isn't real. When a single guy or girl watches porn and they don't have a real outlet for their sexual desires, porn can become addictive; however, my experience is that in a relationship where you share the porn experience it's really just an appetizer when the main course is always there next to you.

Like anything, moderate is the key. I think it's great when two consenting adults want explore the erotic triggers of porn, erotic stories, role play, etc.. We get to explore our sexuality with someone we trust and in turn get closer though the intimacy of being honest and non-judgemental.

[missingpieces]

You have to remember, these girls are fake and special effects have been used to make them look better than they actually do. Your boyfriend knows they are fake, he also knows that you are real. I totally agree with the person that said when you watch it you will be turned on by the people in the porn, but not nearly as much as you will be by your boyfriend who you will actually be having sex with. When my boyfriend and I did it it was kind of awkward at first and we both kind of giggled and nervously laughed, but it led to us getting more comfortable with each other, trying new things, and having a lot of sex in a short period (I think the last one was the best part lol!) If you don't like it you can always turn it off, but don't forget that he knows that those girls are not you and that those girls are not going to turn him on anywhere as much as you wanting to do that with him and being there with him! Have fun!

[smoothy]

Porn can be great for couples... particularly those who don't have self esteme issues they try to blame on it.

Porn is just an adult movie... nothing more. Guys don't actually think they will be sleeping with those stars any more than women think they will be going out with Brad Pitt anytime soon.

Watching it together can give you ideas and as a couple you can expand what's on the menu. And keep things from ever becoming dull and routine. And when it never gets dull, the temptation to wander never becomes overwhelming.

[Synnen]

Your issue is NOT porn.

Your issue is your self-esteem and self-confidence.

I suggest seeing a counselor to get help for THAT, and other issues probably won't be there anymore.

[anxious_RN]

Thanks for the responses everyone... and synnen I understand that my issue is not porn. I said in my original post that it is myself confidence. But thanks for the responses I appreciate it

[TexasParent]

Thanks for the responses everyone...and synnen I understand that my issue is not porn. I said in my original post that it is my self confidence. But thanks for the responses I appreciate it

Well why not start a new thread dealing with issues of self-confidence, there are some pretty insightful people out here that can give you some ideas as to how to improve your self-esteem. The benefits in you life and in your relationships will be without measure if tackle this core behavior, all other issues will be less burdensome and you will gain a natural ability to to discern the proper path when you learn to love yourself more.

[Choux]

You are too desperate at this point about your relationship. You are apt to do a host of things that aren't good for you including this willingness to view pornography with your boyfriend.

Don't run away from what is best for you just because you are afraid you will lose a man. If he's a creep and treats you badly, *let him go* right away.

There are plenty of young men out there who are looking for a good *confident* young woman to love. You deserve happiness, girl.

Read articles about he harmful effects of porn on young people by Googling the subject.

Don't give up on your sexuality when you are a teenager!! You have lots of living and learning to do with real men. :)

Best wishes,

[smoothy]

"Viewing Porn" is not the moral equivalent of Body length burlap sacks in the middle east.

But to some people the reasoning between the two is identical. And that is viewing X is bad for you. Even from opposite ends of the world.

[anxious_RN]

You are too desperate at this point about your relationship. You are apt to do a host of things that aren't good for you including this willingness to view pornography with your boyfriend.

Don't run away from what is best for you just because you are afraid you will lose a man. If he's a creep and treats you badly, *let him go* right away.

I don't think your understanding everything, choux, though I do appreciate the answer. I want to look at porn with my boyfriend, he is NOT a creep in the least, and the last thing I ever want to do is let him go. He told me that if it bothers me he doesn't want to do it. I'm not doing it because I'm afraid to loose him, I'm thinking about doing it because I WANT to! I just posted another topic about my self-esteem in mental and emotional health. Thanks guys.

[anxious_RN]

smoothy, I think you were going somewhere with that post. But it went straight over my head. Explain, please? :p

[anxious_RN]

I think another reason (besides my self-confidence, well its related I guess), is because my boyfriend has been to his fair share of strip clubs, and seen plenty of naked women on TV and in person, and been with about 6 women, that I just feel like I don't match up. Although he says its not the case, it makes it even more difficult to get over this freak porn hatred I have with him looking at it. :p

[TexasParent]

I think another reason (besides my self-confidence, well its related I guess), is because my boyfriend has been to his fair share of strip clubs, and seen plenty of naked women on tv and in person, and been with about 6 women, that I just feel like I don't match up. Although he says its not the case, it makes it even more difficult to get over this freak porn hatred I have with him looking at it. :p

Let me ask you, do you trust him? I understand he's a great guy and treats you with respect, etc. Does he look at other women when you are around. Are other women attracted to him?

I just wonder if there is something other than your own lack of self-confidence that is leading you to wonder about his desires for other women?

Also, do you want to watch porn for you, or do you want to do it to please him because at some level you feel you aren't exciting him enough and you don't want to lose him?

[anxious_RN]

Yes I trust him with all of my heart, 100% sure he would never cheat on me, no he doesn't look at other woman, and last night told him our server was pretty, then I asked if he thought she was, and he said yes but your pretty too and she probably doesn't have the personality that you have.

No I don't wonder about his desires for other women... although I know why you would think I do. I just don't want to get off looking at another woman or have some other girl on a porno turning him on. I don't like that.

I want to watch porn because I want to. Not because I feel like I would lose him, I don't feel like that at all. He doesn't want to if it will make me uncomfortable, but I want to to try to spice things up I guess, have more ideas, something different, you know? But then after I think that.. I think oh my gosh, he's going to be looking at another woman's body and be aroused by it. Not because I don't trust him, but because I have this weird problem with him looking at porn that I cannot explain.

I trust him with everything, like I said. Don't think I don't. I just don't like the idea of some naked woman getting him going.

[TexasParent]

Well if you are intent on looking at porn, what about this approach.

You have decided that you want to look at porn to spice things up, but you don't want your boyfriend to be aroused by it. Well, that's not going to happen, he will be aroused by it (I have explained in previous posts).

Porn isn't always about the physical, sometimes for a guy it could be that the girl looks innocent, or she's a nurse... ;). The thing is, you could watch porn on your own to get ideas of how to spice up your sex life and then he doesn't have to get turned on by the girls, and you can get ideas from it.

Or you could try erotic stories, literature that you could read together or to each other which can be even more arousing and there are no pictures.

You could try and get ideas from sexuality sites; but mostly you could ask him what his fantasies are in a non-judgemental way and if you are comfortable with them, have that fantasy with him.

[BlackVY]

This might sound bad, but if that is a picture of you in the little avatar thing below your nickname, I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about in the looks department.

Forgive me for being forward, but in my opinion, you have a very nice body and shouldn't have a low self-esteem or confidence issues. You boyfriend is a very lucky guy to have you and that's the truth.

[anxious_RN]

Well thank you, blackvy, and yes that is me, and I do not understand why I have these problems and worries about my boyfriend either. I grew up my whole life with my father cheatin on my mother, and she had low confidence for as long as I can remember. Maybe that has something to do with it, although I am not worried in the least about my boyfriend cheating. But just an idea that that may have something to do with it. I'm not searching for compliments or attention, I sincerely just am like this for some reason. Thank you for your responses.

[anxious_RN]

I think I can thank the media for wanting a picture perfect body, but that is what I want. I know I'm not close to getting it and probably will never have one (I'm addicted to chocolate). I think my confidence issues have gotten much worse since I gained that 25 pounds since I started college.