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ProudMAMA02 · Nov 3, 2008, 10:06 AM

ABout 2 months ago I split up with the father of my 17 month old and my growing 7 months old in the womb. He has never really shown any responsibility to my daughter or myself so eventually I became fed up. At first I wanted him involved in their lives, I wanted my girls to at least grow up knowing there father. But, this past weekend he was supposed to take his daughter from sat morning to mon after noon. When I went to go drop her off with him he was no where to be found. I knew he had been partying at his brother's house the night before so I went to see if maybe he hadn't left. His brother told me that he was most likely still out partying with girls he had met and offered to take her until he talked to their father since I was already 30 minutes late to work. By the time I got to work I ended up not having to work, they had found a replacement for me for that day. SO I waited about 3 hours then around noon I called to see if her father had shown up or if they had heard from him. They hadn't. SO I told them to get her ready and I would be there to pick her up. As I arrive and am walking through the door I see her father's older brother putting his containr of marijuana away. THey were smoking it while my 17 months old daughter was in the house! I know I cannot blame her father for his brother's actions but I do blame her father for not being there to take on the responsibility of a father. So I guess my whole point is, knowing her father the way I do, I know that as soon as child support kicks in he will be complaining about having to pay it. Especially since they are now already garnishing his checks for unpaid tickets. When that time comes I want to be able to say to him, "then sign over your rights and you won't have to worry about it" but I am absolutely no idea on how to get the papers for this. I want to have them ready for him to sign. I do not feel that he will set a good example for my girls. His response to her seeing him smoke marijuana and hearing him curse, "she'll learn it anyways, whats it matter?" I feel that she does not need to learn about it from her family. SO what do I do?

stinawords · Nov 3, 2008, 10:37 AM

First read through the hundreds if not thousands of other threads on this same topic. You will learn that there are no such papers you are not the only one that thinks it is that easy. There are hundreds of others that have been mistaken too. What you can do is go to court for support and file for full physical custody. If he shows up to ask for visitation the court will order it and it will be your job to ask the judge to have it be supervised (if you have proof of his drug usage or proof that he needs to be supervised).

ProudMAMA02 · Nov 3, 2008, 11:19 AM

Can I make it to where he needs to pass a drug test to see her? What if I just avoid him? Like do not answer his calls or call him,. Can I get in trouble for keeping her from him?

ANB428 · Nov 3, 2008, 11:50 AM

You can not legally have him sign over his rights unless there is another man willing to adopt the children. A child can not go fatherless after it already has a father. There are ways to make him pass a drug test before he sees the kids, but I am not sure of the process and I think that you will need to have proof of his drug use. Once visitation is established and you ignore his phone calls you can get in trouble. I don't think that you can if there is no order established.

stinawords · Nov 3, 2008, 11:56 AM

While no order is in place you can ignore him all you want but after the order is in place you have to have to abide by the order. The only way a judge will order that he be drug tested is if you have proof of his drug usage.

ScottGem · Nov 3, 2008, 12:29 PM

If you can prove drug usage, you can probably get supervised visitation.

It may be that he won't care and not attempt to see the kids.

bobloblaw · Nov 3, 2008, 12:34 PM

Also note that, depending on what state you are in, you may be able to leave the fathers name OFF your unborn child's birth certificate, and that means that if he wants to see that child he'll need to pay for a paternity test & pay child support for her.

As for the other child, if the father has the child in a home with drugs this is child endangerment and not only can he lose custody but may also be prosecuted. If your serious about keeping this man out of your children's life forever, get a lawyer. Often times it will pay off in the long run, if they can manage to make him pay child support and not get to see his kids!