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AC/DC · Jun 10, 2006, 11:27 AM

Just to help you guys out, I will be a freshman in high school next year. I have been on dates with plenty of girls my age and older but none of them are quite like this girl. She however is a year younger than I am and will not yet be in high school. (she looks older than she is and acts more mature.) We were friends for several years and then she asked me out. That lasted about a week and then she said she rather be friends. It was a little hard but I've been through worse things. 3 days ago she asked me out again we went to a party, we kissed things like that and when I get home she calls me and says that she rather be friends. I am honestly confused and need help. I really like this girl, more than any other before. Please try to help me out.
-Thanks

talaniman · Jun 10, 2006, 11:47 AM

She may be trying to get you or she may be experimenting with you. Either way till you figure it out don't be looking into her eyes and falling hopelessly in love. If she wants to be friends say okay and go about your own business. Maybe she likes you as a friend and that's that!

valinors_sorrow · Jun 10, 2006, 12:00 PM

My definition of adolescence is child one minute, adult the next, then child again. She is driving down both sides of the street as a result of her own unresolved confusion. It hits me as a little too self centered, frankly. As her friend, you really need to let her know this back and forth is neither kind nor fair. It will not serve her well with other guys either. You aren't her science experiment. Settle for one, and I bet its friends.

AC/DC · Jun 10, 2006, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

My definition of adolescence is child one minute, adult the next, then child again. She is driving down both sides of the street as a result of her own unresolved confusion. It hits me as a little too self centered, frankly. As her friend, you really need to let her know this back and forth is neither kind nor fair. It will not serve her well with other guys either. You aren't her science experiment. Settle for one, and I bet its friends.

Thanks to both of you

AC/DC · Jun 10, 2006, 12:15 PM

Should I say something to the girl? Like about how I feel or Should I act like its OK? I've been playing it off and acting like its fine.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 10, 2006, 12:21 PM

Say something. She needs to know how not cool this is. And you need the practice letting a girl know when they need to look at something they are doing. I call that a win-win! Just be the polite, straight forward young man to her you have shown us here. This needs to be in person though, okay? Keep in mind that the best relationships are often between two people who are good at negotiating. It's a valuable skill that you both need to acquire.

AC/DC · Jun 10, 2006, 12:41 PM

Ok Thanks I'll definitely take your advice

fredg · Jun 11, 2006, 05:41 AM

Hi,
As your other answers have said, she is just too young at this point in time.
She hasn't "grown up" to the point yet, that she wants to be more than friends with anyone.
Be her friend, and don't look for anything different right now.
I do wish you the best of luck.

Chery · Jun 11, 2006, 07:57 AM

Hi dear. Valinors_sorrow put it very well. Too bad I can't rate her response today..

Consider this phase in your life as a training ground. Just as in any other 'training areas' such as Basic Training in the military, it's a part of life that trains and teaches you how to handle and learn from real-life situations. What you derive from it and what you do to reach the outcome,depends on you.

As long as you stay fair, truthful, and compassionate towards others, you'll receive the same reaction back. We are all our own diplomats in life, and depending on what you want from others is how you should project yourself.

The more 'friends' you have on your way, the more proof and confidence you gain. So, try your best not to hurt anyone, and help them if they are touching one of your soft spots. They will not be able to better themselves if you don't tell them where you think they are lacking. All can be done with kindness and respect - this depends on you.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Real friends can help more than hinder your growing process, and rejection is only a 'no' word - one never dies from it.

s_cianci · Jun 12, 2006, 06:27 PM

As you say, this girl is very young, not even in high school yet. She's probably not as mature as you think she is. Many young people her age can't make a decision about having any committed, long-term relationship and, really, shouldn't have to. There's no need for the two of you to rush things. Let's face it, how long will it be before the two of you are ready to get married? Many, many years. That being the case, why worry about getting serious now? That would be like me worrying about a particular house in Florida that I like that's on the market and I want to buy it as my retirement home but I'm worried that it won't be on the market when I'm ready to retire. Well DUH, of course not! As much as I'd like to consider the possibility, realistically I know that it'll be many years before I'm in a position to consider such an option, so to worry about it now would just be a huge waste of time and energy on my part. Focus on the things that are important to you now ; your education and your future. Just like right now I have to focus on the things that are important to me now ; my family and my career, not my retirement, which is probably at least 20 years away.

Xaniz · Jun 13, 2007, 08:56 AM

OK what you need to do is, stop making her do every thing, you can't expect to get a girl if you don't advance at all. You need to get all close and coudle and every thing. She probably is afraid, show her that's its OK, either that or she's bi-polar or how ever you spell that