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michael_jones · Oct 31, 2008, 08:39 AM

I had a gay incident as a child, when I was very young with a boy who was obsessed with doing these sorts of things. I feel like I didn't really do anything to make it happen even though I didn't stop it. Even though we were both very young, around 7 or 8. Now however recently all my friends have found about this incident and call me gay and make fun and its so upsetting and depressing as I don't feel gay at all. Like I love women and I don't feel anything towards men in the slightest. How can I make them stop and make them sure I'm not gay. Please could somebody help me I'm very depressed.

homebirthmom · Oct 31, 2008, 08:45 AM

First off, gay or not, children left to their own devices will experiment in different ways. Whether you are playing doctor with the girl next door, or playing house with your cousin of the same age, or one of your friends from school. This doesn't mean anything. You were a child when it happened. It does NOT mean you are gay, in any sense of the word. Most children don't even understand what they are doing when they are fooling around, therefore how can in be construed as anything but childhood frolics.
Just out of curiosity... how old are your friends? Sounds to me like High School antics.
Don't let what your friends say bother you. I know that's easier said than done, but you know how you feel inside, and that's what matters.

smoothy · Oct 31, 2008, 09:47 AM

What a child of 7 or 8 does didn't equate to gay anything... now if you did it at 14 or 16 that's different.

You don't feel gay and I don't see anything that can legitimately be called gay history from what you said. You were more likely drawn into it from the other kid. Not on your own initiative.

Incidentally how did all of this become public?

linnealand · Oct 31, 2008, 09:47 AM

If you aren't attracted to men in a sexual way, you're not gay.

I agree with homebirthmom. When I was a kid, I had a family friend whose younger sister used to be obsessed with trying to bring other girls into the closet so that they could do "lesbian-type" things. I don't know where she got the idea from, and I don't think that any real harm came from it. (by the way, I was little too, and I wasn't there when these events actually happened, but I was at a birthday party and stepped into the room afterwards, and I know that things were going on.) I can assure you that this girl, who is now a young adult, is totally heterosexual. I think she was doing these things out of her childish curiosity, and not because her sexuality compelled her to it.

I believe these things are much more common than you might think.

As for the teasing, well, you're just going to have to walk through it. Know who you really are, and as tough as it might seem sometimes, you're just going to have to ignore it.

Choux · Oct 31, 2008, 10:10 AM

The only thing you can do is ignore their comments.

If they get a rise out of you, they will love that and continue to tease you unmercifully.

Once you start dating a girl, the whole situation should be over.

Best wishes, :)

michael_jones · Nov 2, 2008, 04:38 PM

Hi guys. Thanks very much for your replies. The thing is I'm trying to get a girlfriend at the moment and when girls find out I think there freaked out a bit and think I'm a bit weird and I feel like there's nothing I can do. All I want is to get a girlfriend and live my life without this incident that happened when I was a child hanging over me for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. It came into the open because a friend who knew about it told people. I'm really sick of it.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 2, 2008, 05:41 PM

You did not say your age now or exactly how things got out, kids can be cruel at times. But as you grow older your past will not mean as much.

michael_jones · Nov 24, 2008, 05:26 PM

Ye I'm 17 at the moment. The thing is I'm always thinking about when I'm a grown man if my wife or kids found out about it or other men who id be friends with found out about it. I am just searching for peace of mind. Its racking my brain and I can't think about anything else apart from getting rid of this memory. I regret this crap so much. Need some desperate help. Thanks

Xrayman · Nov 24, 2008, 06:35 PM

Its called experimentation. You are not gay-dump your "friends" they're idiots.

stevetcg · Nov 25, 2008, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by michael_jones

ye im 17 at the moment. the thing is im always thinking about when im a grown man if my wife or kids found out about it or other men who id be friends with found out about it. i am just searching for peace of mind. its racking my brain and i can't think about anything else apart from getting rid of this memory. i regret this crap so much. need some desperate help. thanks

*most* adults wouldn't care if they were to find out. Certainly not any that you would want to be associated with. There is no need to regret this. You didn't do anything wrong. Its not like you killed someone...

As for your friends - get rid of them. You aren't gay. And even if you were, if your friends treat you this way you are better off without those pathetic losers.

Synnen · Nov 25, 2008, 11:35 AM

I've moved this thread to M&EH because the OP is 17---and cannot post in Adult Sexuality because of it.

I feel that answers were spot on, and that the question is legit---but we cannot have minors posting in Adult Sexuality.

Just wanted to give a heads up as to why it was moved.

liz28 · Nov 25, 2008, 01:59 PM

I know it hurts for people to be saying this about you and bringing up something you did at 7 is childish. Teenagers, and some adults, likes to start rumors and making people feel bad about themselve and they will pick on you until something some other juicy rumor comes along.

Don't let their talk justify who you are or take away who you are. You know who you are and from what you wrote you aren't gay. Do you know who started this rumor?