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    1927city's Avatar
    1927city Posts: 56, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #21

    Nov 3, 2008, 08:21 AM
    How do I get her to be more pro-active?
    Hey guys

    Seem to be a bit stuck and need some ideas as to how to deal with the situation.

    > Dated a girl for about 6 weeks, very casual - all was good. She said she didn't want anything serious - neither did I (although I have warmed to her obviously).

    > She then decided that it was getting too heavy and we needed to talk.. I called her up and said that we didn't, it was fine - I wanted a casual thing, but she wasn't obliged to do anything (think she was a little surprised and put out by my reaction tbh).

    > We've stayted in contact over the next few weeks and went out on Monday - she said her ex had moved back and was doing her head in (she felt like she had a husband again) and was a bit mixed up. We had fun, didn't dwell on it and I went back to hers - although we just kissed (she kept stopping herself when things got heated).

    > Told her not too worry or think too much and dropped her a jokey text a few days later and got a response yesterday - along with a couple of other texts (calling me 'love' and 'hun') - although she said she was chilling when I offered her to join me going to the cinema.

    How do I progress this - I am sure she is interested to a degree and I've kind of left the ball in her court - she usually contacts, but doesn't tend to commit to a meet after she's contacted me. I know there's ex stuff going on here - but from what she's said, even if I wasn't around I think they'd split again even if they got back together (which she says she doesn't want). Kind of frustrating as when we meet, she's usually hot for me?

    What do I do?

    J
    1927city's Avatar
    1927city Posts: 56, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #22

    Nov 3, 2008, 11:38 AM

    Anyone lol?

    Don't mind playing it cool, but she's aware I've got ex issues just like her... be good to know I'm not doing completely the wrong thing.

    Ta

    J
    Marriedguy's Avatar
    Marriedguy Posts: 474, Reputation: 115
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    #23

    Nov 3, 2008, 03:59 PM

    Progress it to what? In the beginning she said casual relationship and now you want it to progress to something more. The ball is her court and that is exactly where she wants it to be.

    This was not “let's see where this goes relationship.” Once it gets pass casual then she will end it because that is not what she wants.

    Tell her that you thought you could handle being in a casual relationship but you can't. Tell her you think her ex is a complete idiot and walk away. Stop texting and don't answer her calls.

    Look at the ratio between men and women.. stop wasting time and find someone that wants what you want.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #24

    Nov 4, 2008, 10:25 AM

    Talanimans Rule- Leave females with ex problems alone, and enjoy someone without the baggage.

    Less confusion, and more fun.
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
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    #25

    Nov 4, 2008, 04:06 PM

    I think you should go out and date other women, and don't so much wait for her, but when she wants to talk to you again and her ex is 100% out of the picture, then maybe take a chance with her if the feelings are there.

    I don't think any one should have to be in the middle of an "ex back in the picture" situation. She seems like she still has feelings for the guy, otherwise she wouldn even be in touch with him and she would be all into you.

    Girls are pretty straightforward with how they feel. If you left the ball in her court, I think that is a good thing - not to keep bugging her. But when us girls like a guy, we commit to hanging out, we look forward to seeing you because we get excited to be with you. If she isn't committing to plans with you etc, then she probably has this other guy on her mind, or just doesn't want to be involved.

    Just because she called you those pet names doesn't mean much. I call my friends those pet names in a very casual way.

    It seems like you are reading into what you have with her too much. She probably thinks you are cool, but trust me if she really liked you or was interested, she would have met you at the movies or planned something etc. Girls only drift away or seem to half a commitment when we aren't totally interested.

    The end!
    brkfstatiffs's Avatar
    brkfstatiffs Posts: 263, Reputation: 21
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    #26

    Nov 4, 2008, 04:08 PM
    P.s. as far as what do you do? Well, you go out and live your life and don't wait for her.

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