[justme4me]

I have previously posted on "I walked in on my husband masturbating" and need more follow up. My husband is "functionally sick". What exactly does that mean? I agree with the advice I have been given so far. Obviously after all these years I am at a road block and need more information. It seems that my only choice is for me to leave, but as I said before, it is my home legally. Also, I want future terms with this man to be as friendly as possible. There is a lot of future for me to have that he will be involved in because of our children. How do I manage this? If all it took was kahuna's, I have them. It's finess I need. I know how ugly he is and can be and I don't want to trigger anything I don't have to. I'm asking for insight.

[talaniman]

justme4me;1344816, I too recently walked in on my husband. It hurt but I told him I found the act natural. Why did it hurt? B/c in 32 yrs of marriage my husband has thought that sex is for the man. He will deny this but to explain to him my needs is a sign of his inadequacy. He calls me names like whore and slut for wearing a nighty. I finally gave up and moved to the couch 4 yrs ago. He started suffering ed 15 yrs ago and the doc suggested self stim as a tool. He rejected on moral issues. Now its my fault he is doing this. Even after reassuring him that it is OK, he sneaks it. I feel cheated on. To ask anything about his day is prying let alone getting details. He never talks about us but tells about conversations with coworkers in vivid detail yet can't remember most things I tell him. He has no pride in our home and doesn't talk with our grown children or his family. He is successful at his workplace and is the go to man both professionally and personally with his coworkers. He spends many hrs with this and is successful with his hobby. I am proud of him for his accomplishments, I wonder why it doesn't resonate at home. Also, I have to stay in the same room with him and watch TV and not interrupt with talking. I have tried to go out with friends as a group but it always leads to problems because I can't control everyone's behavior around me and I shouldn't put myself into situations where "things" can happen.
I have told him to leave and that I am done but he hasn't left. It's my home. I know, masturbation is the least of my worries here, but it's an example of where this "natural" action isn't so healthy, so before we make conclusions for others maybe we should ask for some more info. In a healthy relationship partners should know that they are partaking, not necessarily when but that it is happening, otherwise, to be honest, there is some deception going on and I'll bet it's not the only thing happening.

Justme4me, your husband is sick, functionally sick, and in denial, that's why he hides his real behavior from others. We both know he needs help, but wont get it.

That doesn't mean you can't be healthy and happy, so think of what you want, and how to get it. Put your own needs first, for a change. *

Functional sick is that he has problems, you can't help with, and he compensates for them by how he acts in public, that is different than his private side, that you see. Feel for you, since you haven't had resolution, or cooperation from him. To be blunt, he ain't gonna go quietly from your home, so you better be prepared to do what it takes, with the proper precautions, and support. Sorry from what you wrote, that's the best option, but maybe others will see differently I'm sure. Get some legal advice first (free consultation) so you will have an idea of the proper procedure and are aware of both your rights and options. I can only wish you luck, as I know things may not go as smoothly as we like.
* Original question and answer.

[liz28]

For your own piece of mind, leave.