[silent27]

Hello, well I'll get to the point I have been with her for almost si years and yes I have done some stupid , I have gone drinking with my friends and stuff but have never chested on her,ever. Now we have a three year old daughter together and both of them mean a lot to me. Two weeks ago she broke up with me and said I'm never going to change and that she wants to be friends. A week ago I asked her to forgive me for dissing her and going out with my guys,and I proposed to her,yes, I proposed to her, and she said she would think about it,later that night she said no,because she says I'm not going to change,so here it goes I have stopped smoking for one,just to show her that I really love her and that I will change,but she still doesn't want to take me back,we went to go buy my daughter a halloween costume yesterday together but she treated me like a friend only and didn't want to talk about us, she seems like really determined to leave me but I sometimes feel that she still wants to give me a chance but she doesn't and other times I feel like she just calls me to use me to take care of the baby while she does her thing,like homework,or go out with her girlfriends,and maybe just maybe might be a guy or looking for a guy, I need some advice ,I love her so much that I'm willing to change and I really mean it this time but she doesn't believe me. I'd appreciate some good advice on how to get her back,thanks.

[NItEMArE129]

Get her back by proving her wrong. Prove that you can change. Focus on becoming a better person first. She told you exactly why she broke up with you, so fix yourself and it's up to HER, not you, to decide whether to take you back. Remember, no matter how much you change, she might not take you back, but at the very least your daughter can have a father she can depend on.

[aaj2008]

I agree with the fact that you need to prove her wrong. Six years is a long time to be together with someone. It does strike me odd that she wants you to suddenly change when you have been this way for however long... Sounds to me like someone is having commitment issues which is not a good sign. A guy on the side is a possibility. I would not accuse her of anything because you don't know. She could just be in a rough spot. Give her some space to cool off. If she wants to make it work she will eventually leave herself completely vulnerable and open up to you and be willing to talk. Trying to get someone to marry you when they are stressed out is a bad idea... settle down for a little. Talk it out... Communication is the key to any relationship no matter how long you have been together.

[JBeaucaire]

If you're going to change to be more of a family man, settle down, marry her and do the whole "picket fence" thing... great. But you're not going to accomplish that in one swoop. Get that out of your head now.

Think of this new life plan as a pet you're not allowed to just grab and pick up all at once because it will just slip out of your fingers if you try.

Instead, you do it one stroke at a time. Slowly, methodically, purposefully, and with no fret-stress-aggression, just pick this life up one thing at a time.

Give her a chance to absorb each of the changes you're implementing... heck... giving YOURSELF a chance to absorb them so they don't overwhelm you and make you feel regretful.

Take it slow. Let it happen, do the work.

[kp2171]

As I said in your other post, you can't fix anything without really understanding what the problems are.

Going out with guys isn't a problem in itself. If you consistently abandoned her and was selfish, leaving her to make do, it's a problem. Issues in the bedroom aren't all that uncommon in longer term relationships, especially when the stresses of being a parent weigh heavily over you... but if you dropped the ball, accepted less than she was asking for, it's a problem.

No reconciliation works because two people miss each other. Unless you can identify what the real problems are between you, and understand how to find middle ground (and that doesn't mean you are the only one who has to change)... again... nothing solved means its probably done.

And as for taking care of your child and wondering what she does with her time... how do you get to choose for her? You are a parent with a responsibility to care for and spend time with the baby you said you love. So do it. Fretting about what your ex is doing... well... its not for you to judge.

[450donn]

Six years a child together and she has decided that you will not change and wants to move on? Yes, I can understand that. Basically what I see is that you wanted the free sex and all that goes along with without any commitment. Guess maybe you need to grow up. You now have a child with her and if you really want to make this work you first need to grow up and realize that you cannot be a free wheeling teenager any longer. Then, dump all of those friends that have drug you to this point in your life. Now, might also be a good time to seek some professional help showing you how to mature into a loving father and maybe husband. If that is the case, then stop smoking, doing drugs, drinking what ever it is and start spending as much time with the child and her mother as possible to show her without sex that you really want to make this work. Remember, friends first. The rest will come freely.

[Rainbow0077]

Just show her you're a good father, that might get her attention. It always works. And maybe the drinking was bad so work with that a little. Later you might want to ask her to hang out with your daughter, but only as friends.