[neverme]

I was asked by a friend recently who's been having problems with her sex life. i.e. her boyfriend wanted her to do 'unspeakable acts' :p, so this got me to thinking...

I don't know this may sound like a naïve or stupid question.. but in the spirit that no question is stupid, what constitutes kinky sex?

[prplfae]

Pretty much anything out of the norm. i.e. being tied up, wips, food, toys. Willingness to try something new. Adventure.

[neverme]

So then anything that is more than the missionary?

[Synnen]

"Kinky" is in the mind of the beholder.

Just like "romantic" is in the mind of the beholder.

[Fr_Chuck]

yes, to many nothing says romanice better than handcuffs.

But everyone has a value or a idea of what is acceptable or what is wild, and some the wild is acceptable for the excitement

[neverme]

Thanks :)

[Choux]

Kinky... that is pretty much cultural specific, I would think. In some cultures, a person can be stoned(killed) for veering from sexual rules.

Anyway, I would think that kinky falls in the realm of Fetish'. Wearing diapers, being taken care of by "mommy" and getting off on that would be kinky, for example. :)

It is reputed that a famous Hollywood directore Otto Preminger liked to lie in a bathtub and have beautiful women defecate on him. Kinky!

There is a difference between kinky and abusive as in hurting another person against their wishes as often happens with anal sex.

[neverme]

See this is what I mean.. I would have thought hair pulling, spanking etc would be considered kinky whereas I would have thought diapers or defecation would run under a fetish category.. so I suppose the question for me is: is there a distinction between fetish and kinky? And if so what is it?

[spyderglass]

Kinky (to me) is whatever the particular culture holds as taboo. I find that 'fetish' is when there is a particular object or body part that arouses someone. I'm a bit of a sadist myself, and many people don't understand it- and sometimes it scares them.

[neverme]

If this isn't too personal.. what defines sadist? It is a term that is thrown around often (im big on the defintions for some reason :p)

[spyderglass]

The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain.
But as to not go too far, my husband and I incorporate 'safe words' yellow- back off a bit
Red-stop
Because protestation is part of the 'act'

[neverme]

Doesn't sound like it wouldn't be fun ;)

[spyderglass]

It depends on the people involved. I don't NEED to inflict pain- it just spices things up sometimes. Plus, my husband is a big guy and he can handle it. :) But yes for me, it's fun

[neverme]

So you don't have pain inflicted on you?

[spyderglass]

No that's Masochism-
The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.

[neverme]

Well I think I've sufficed my definition quota for one day! Ha ha ha no really thanks for your answers :)

[spyderglass]

No problem- it is a Help desk after all, eh? :)
So do you have any clue what the 'unspeakable acts' were?

[neverme]

No not the 'unspeakable' ones, I know it started with hair pulling and spanking which she wasn't fully comfortable with to begin with but 'allowed', then whatever he tried next didn't go so well :)

[spyderglass]

I see. I don't think that anyone should have to endure hair pulling, spanking, biting etc. if they aren't comfortable with it. But if this is something that he feels he 'needs' then I don't forsee the relationship lasting very long. But if it is something that he can do without then there is no reason that the relationship can't work.

[neverme]

You I no and to be honest as I said to her someone should never 'allow' behaviour especially in their sex life that they aren't fully comfortable with..