[asking]

I'm not blaming society totally but look at the way things are and have been. Little boys aren't called names growing up like "you butch little hetero creep" or laughed at for liking girls or dating women. Hell no. Quite the contrary. ... Imagine that sort of a world and you'll appreciate what we (gay people) have had to endure. So yes, I do feel like a victim.

I agree with this, it stinks. But in the real world we all live in, about the worst insult to either a hetero man or a gay man is to be compared to a woman--e.g. sissy, p***y,c***, etc. The essential insult to gay men is not that they love men, but that they are like women. How does it feel to be the insult cast as others? Not very good.

[cadillac59]

I don't think we should be giving cadillac such a hard time. It WOULD be embarrassing to have to admit to gay friends how deep in the closet one was. Whatever the reasons this happened, he's trying to fix things now, so I think we should focus on how he can best treat his wife, instead of us trying to reproduce her anger. Only she knows exactly how angry she feels or why. Let him listen to her anger, not that of strangers. She is the one who was hurt, and cadillac too, for that matter, not us.

Thank you for your kind words.

I know I carry most of the blame over this situation but I'm hurting too. Don't think I don't wish I had come out a long time ago and never gotten married. At lease I'm not like these guys who continue living in the marriage and sneaking around on the wife or like those guys who get divorced and marry again! There are plenty of guys out there doing just that (as some say living on the down low, the Brokeback Mountain thing) and so many of them hook up online, meet in parks for sex, or have sex behind a gay bar in an alley (like I've done and am not very proud of). At least I'm trying to do things right.