[meemee26]

I've been with my partner for 5 years now and have had a good sex life but I find it really hard to ride him I've always got a resone not to do it! I have put on some weigth and he isent very caring about it and says things like "if you lose some weigth ill buy you some boobs" and "you need to get your arss back in to shape babe" I'm only a size 14 and have had 3 kids! Its never been a problem for me in the past it was my fav position and loved doing it but I just hate doing it with my man. How do you tell your man you hate riding him but you never had a problem with it in the past with other sexal patners :confused: I really feel like me and my patner are missing out. Please help! :eek:

[ang8318]

"if you lose some weigth ill buy you some boobs" and "you need to get your arss back in to shape babe" :eek:

WOW, with comments like these he is lucking you are having sex with him at all. Just be honest with him, tell him you like being on top, but with him it makes you uncomfortable, etc. You need to communicate, or the problem will just get worse.

[Choux]

Sounds like sex to him is bifurcated... two kinds of women. Real women who do all the work and are devoted to him, and who he won't put himself out for. Women who look like porn stars who he wants to look at while effing them.

There is no reason for him to punish you for your sexual desires! He is very selfish, in my opinion.

You really need to drag him to couple's counselling to see if a good professional can make a dent in his selfishness and make a dent in your lack of confidence.

Good Luck to you, woman! :)

[Xrayman]

We call people like him, a$$holes.

Tell him you will do whatever, when his penis feels the right size, he has good abs, when he loses his bad attitude etc.

Or LEAVE the abuse.

[neverme]

Is he exactly the way he was 5 years ago?
I doubt it!
Tell him to **** off and buy himself some new *insert*

[linnealand]

While your partner's comments make my stomach turn, it seems that the real issue brought up by your question is even more related to own feelings and insecurities.

It sounds like you're not feel particularly comfortable with your body or yourself these days. While all of us have times when we feel a little more sexy or a little less sexy, it's hard to let loose and enjoy sex if you're feeling unattractive.

Your partner's comments could only be making a bad situation worse, but part of the issue is still the way you feel about yourself. If you feel like you've let yourself go, and it's to the point that it's having what you consider to be a real effect on your physical relationship, well, you're allowed to do something about it.

In part, you should feel good (and your partner should make you feel good) no matter what. At the same time, you might want to consider doing new things that will help to raise your own self esteem. On the physical side of that coin, you might find that exercise, like yoga, stretching or even playing with your kids in the park, will help you to feel fresher and more relaxed, and these things can only be good for your body.

Don't let anyone else, not even your husband, dictate the way you feel about your body. These are things you have to work out within yourself, for yourself, and for your own well being.

[kp2171]

Mixed feelings here...

His comment "trade ya boobs for bulk" was crude, rude, dumb.

And then again, I've always taken fitness as being an important part of my life, and especially my responsibility to my wife and my children. I'm not saying you are a "bad mom" because you've put on weight. But being fit has been a lifelong goal for me, partly tied to how I look and self esteem, partly tied to my desire to be present in my children's lives as long as I am able.

Also, the more fit I am, the more active I am, the more sexual I feel. Exercise drives my sexuality to a large extent. When I feel strong and tight and powerful, I feel confident.

Lord knows that age alone will slam your metabolism along the way. I've fought downturns more than once. Add kids, your likely taking more time for your kids and your fam than for yourself... it's a common thing.

But I agree that there are two issues here... you are distracted and he is distracted.

Let me ask you... how often do you get away without the kids? Ever?

Is there any way for you to take a night or two away with him? Even if its in town?

Sometimes a couple can get so distracted by life getting in the way that you don't get a chance to focus on each other.

Date nights are great.

Even better... plan for a night out. Completely out. Go out to dinner, maybe a movie, maybe there's good local live music, then go to a hotel where there are no distractions. No kids. No dishes to be washed. No tasks to be done.

Take some time to reconnect.

Your frustration is probably part guilt (you know you've put on weight) and part anger (you know he should be responsive to you if he's committed)...

Do you think you need to be more fit for yourself? For your kids? For him? If so, what's holding you back? Does he need to take more responsibility with the kids? Do you need a workout partner?

If you are happy with where you are, well, then I think you need to talk to him openly and honestly.

At some point we don't get to "cherry pick" and be in the same relationship... meaning, I might have been attracted to 20 year old girls at one time, but now, I'm my 30's, in a long term relationship, I can't say "but i like that" and choose to stay.

Meaning he doesn't get to stay and b!tch and moan. Yes... I think a parent has an obligation to try to do all he or she can to be present for their children, and that includes physical fitness.

And yes, I think a person should feel desired, wanted, needed, in all aspects of a relationship.

So... the problem is now, whose choice is it? Yours or his? I think you need to take some time, think about how you want your life to be, and then talk to him about it.

All you can do is give him the chance to agree or have at least reasonable overlap.

After that... both of you have choices to make.