Can't he tell?

asking · Oct 20, 2008, 09:43 AM

Ok, guys, please satisfy my curiosity on this point. Can a man always tell when he doesn't have full erection? My now ex boyfriend insisted he had a full erection when he had a sort of half or quarter erection. He had to hold himself in me with his hand and he said this was because I was shaped strangely (which no one has ever said before). When I said he might think about asking his doctor about this, he said, "What for?"

Is it possible he really didn't know?

(I suspect he may have undiagnosed diabetes, by the way.)

smoothy · Oct 20, 2008, 09:55 AM

I know I can tell, and I don't have to be holding it in my hand either. Can't speak for others however.

That was rude for him to comment on how you are shaped. I've seen tight women, loose women, deep women and shallow women... but never even heard of a strangely shapped woman. Unless you have Scoliosis or other problem I seriously doubt you are strangely shaped.

linnealand · Oct 20, 2008, 10:03 AM

Hmmm...

I'm quite sure a man knows if his penis is fully erect or if it's at half mast (or less), especially when he's holding it in his own hand! Maybe he "had" a full erection... beforehand. :)

The fact that he could tell you that you're at fault because you're "shaped strangely" tells me that this guy is a jerk who felt like turning the tables. How many women would feel turned on after hearing something like that? It sounds like it was pretty insulting.

Was this situation a regular occurrence? If it just that one time (or even a couple of times), I don't think it's anything to worry about. It happens. I think the only reason for someone to worry about it being a medical issue is if it happens regularly. If it was just that once, and then you suggested he see a doctor, he may have felt that you insulted his manhood. Men are proud of their erections!

asking · Oct 20, 2008, 10:29 AM

Linnealand, It was pretty much a constant for the 6 months we were together. The first month, I never saw him with a full erection even once. As soon as he took his clothes off, it would vanish. After that, it got a little better. But he would be at half mast nearly all the time we made love, regardless of what I did to try to excite him. When I tried to help out he seemed to like that and would act like I'd succeeded in getting him erect when I hadn't.

I am of normal female construction and healthy. My doctor told me so last year.

linnealand · Oct 20, 2008, 11:16 AM

Well, your diabetes theory might be playing into it. There are a number of health related issues that can cause impotency. Barring that, he might have psychological issues he's dealing with that he never felt open enough to share.

Many men (and women too) are extra sensitive when it comes to their image in the bedroom. Perhaps he didn't want to admit that there might be a problem because, in some way, he hoped he could pretend it away.

In any case, what he said to you tells me he's not a nice guy. You're much better off without someone like that in your life... or your bed. Now you should get him out of your head too! It doesn't sound like it was your fault.

asking · Oct 20, 2008, 11:34 AM

Good advice, Linnealand, to get him out of my head! I will try for the rest of the day. :)

Choux · Oct 20, 2008, 12:01 PM

Men know when they have a full hard erection or a lesser erection of some sort because they have names for these different kind of erections. :)

He is probably embarrassed by his inability to have a full hard erection like an 18 year old... so he is lying to keep you quiet on this issue.

When I was in my early 40's, I had a male friend who was a lot older than I was, and he had the problem of a soft erection. I found that it was not pleasurable at all to attempt intercourse.

Perhaps, finding other ways to get pleasure?? At least until he is ready to tell the truth?

Best wishes, :)

asking · Oct 20, 2008, 02:54 PM

Thanks, Choux. I actually wasn't sure if he really didn't know.

We were able to deal with it sort of, even though we didn't talk about it. It was not great sex, I admit, but I liked him. But we are now broken up.

I think he tends to be in denial about a lot of things--finances, relationships, etc.

Xrayman · Oct 20, 2008, 03:23 PM

Mmm diabetes is a BIG issue with the condition of erce=tions the blood supply /valve structure involved in the erection can be affected. He may have had perronies disease 9curvature of the penis) in a downwards fashion, but I doubt it. It is possible that he was not aware of the sensation of a half-erection, although you could tell if it was hard in your hands and if it is not possible to enter the vagina in a easy way then I think he was lying to you and himself about the Quality of his erections. Some penises can be as hard as a broomstick while others (normally) are at a half strength. This is dependent on time of day/arousal/chemicals on-board/alcohol/medications/ you name it. An erection is dependent on fluid dynamics(blood flow) and even some mechanical dependencies-it is not cut and dried, when it comes to the erection of a penis.

With all that said-sounds like you are better off without him with his continual denial of the problem and the RUDE accusation about YOUR anatomy.

Cheers.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 20, 2008, 03:26 PM

Ok, guess I will go against the tide here, As some know I have had issues because of various medications, and no, at times you may not know, he may have lost some amount of feelings , for many reasons including excessive masturbation but it is not uncommom for men with some forms of ED not to know for sure. And then we thank heavens for that little blue pill.

But many men are ashamed or afraid to admit they have a problem, some even try not to have sex for that reason, or make sillly excusses.

linnealand · Oct 20, 2008, 03:55 PM

Lol... maybe you should have told him he was right. Perhaps you should have said, "that's the face my lady part makes when she sees you lying about your penis." "it's sad," she says, "like a little balloon animal passing away." and then you cross your legs and send him on his way. :)

Choux · Oct 20, 2008, 07:37 PM

Chuck, don't feel bad about your situation at all. A woman who gets off on fellation would be a good match for you... as well as other erotic situations. :)

asking · Oct 20, 2008, 10:59 PM

Thanks, Fr_chuck. A part of me would really like to believe he was not in denial or lying. Maybe it was more like lack of sensation and wishful thinking.

Masturbation can cause a loss of sensation?
And Xrayman is saying this was normal variation? I didn't know that. I don't think they covered this is in sex ed in 1968... Sorry for all my ignorances. :)

cadillac59 · Oct 20, 2008, 11:01 PM

I think it is easy to tell. You merely have to feel how flexible it is and overall have an idea of its normal maximum size. With that info, it's a very simple matter to know if you are at 100% or something less.

smoothy · Oct 21, 2008, 05:02 AM

Funny but I can actually feel if I am totally erect. And can tell when I'm only partway. Don't know how to describe what it feels like however... it just does. I can be blindfolded and alone in a room and feel it. Not just the flexibility thing even though that's a dead giveaway as well.

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