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DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 04:34 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

MMMMM.... i think you need to sit him down, tie him to a chair and yell at him about your problems.. your issues as decissions need to be made and he is part of this, and should be helping you through it! Not being an immature boy! Living his life like there is no tomorrow and being selfish and only thinking about himself.
Be strong and firm with him, make it sink in that these issues are not yours only but his too.

I tried that tact before the one yesterday - it doesn't work. He just end up angry, defensive and then switches off from me completely!

I have tried every tact going! Nothing gets through and he just won't talk about any of it. Why we split or what he thinks about the pregnancy.

All I get about any of it is 'I don't know' - which is not very helpful to me. I am going round in circles all the time at the mo.

DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 06:28 AM

Looks like I really am on my own with this!

Chery · Jun 8, 2006, 07:05 AM

Honey, maybe the holiday with his parents will give him some time to reflect on what he has in you, and what he would have if he gave it all up. May I suggest that you give him some time to do this.

I know you're hurting right now, but he's also shocked. You should spend some time with loved ones and friends too - and not feel so 'alone in this'. Look for and grab all the supportive 'vibes' you can and plan something for the holiday.

Again, all the best.

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2006, 07:32 AM

Well, at least there wasn't a blow up. That was good. You were able to hang out. It was a start - key. Baby steps here - new territory for both of you.

You do need to talk about this with him. In a tactful manner... LISTENING IS KEY!! Even if he loses his cool at times - you can not.

DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Well, at least there wasn't a blow up. That was good. You were able to hang out. It was a start - key. Baby steps here - new territory for both of you.

You do need to talk about this with him. In a tactful manner....LISTENING IS KEY!!!! Even if he loses his cool at times - you can not.

I have tried he does not want to talk - always changes the subject! - but I guess you a right, we did take a small step in the right direction, even though it does not feel like it.

His bro is supporting me, he was texting me last night making sure I was all right and offering me an outlet to talk if I wanted to. But he only knows about the breakup - not the pregnancy!

kp2171 · Jun 8, 2006, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

I have tried he does not want to talk - always changes the subject! - but I guess you a right, we did take a small step in the right direction, even though it does not feel like it.

His bro is supporting me, he was texting me last night making sure I was alright and offering me an outlet to talk if I wanted to. but he only knows about the breakup - not the pregnancy!

I'm glad to hear he's sort of talking to you... and I'm sure he's overwhelmed.

I just don't get the not talking about why he wanted to separate thing.

I don't know.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums. You shouldn't threaten something unless you are willing to live with that result. There just might be a point where you need to ask him if you are done, period, point of no return. This of course is not what you want. But if there comes a point when he's simply not going to give you the answers you deserve, well then maybe you need him to understand that you are going to be putting him definitely in the past.

Again. I know this isn't what you want and I wouldn't force this until you have had it. But at some point hell need to face the real truth. That this isn't a temp break and that he's at the end of his chances.

Did you say earlier his brother knows why? I'm not sure if I'm getting this mixed with a diff post... if so, can you talk to the brother?

DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 07:52 AM

I thought his bro did know but he doesn't!

Also putting pete in the past in not that simple - if I have his child I will never be able to put him in the past - he will always be there! - this is the very reason my judgement to keep the baby or get rid of it is clouded.

How can I make a decision?

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2006, 08:26 AM

Actually - I think it was a huge step - it's really good you have given him his space right now - it will be good for the long run - believe me.

You're going to have to talk about it - no question. It has to be done.

DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 08:29 AM

I hope so! - but that does not help me now! I have to decide soon because if I decide not to go through with it then I need to get it done before I reach 3months in my pregnancy - if you have it done after then it's more painful and the risks are higher. I am on a clock!

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2006, 08:45 AM

Well, you need to communicate that with him... maybe send him a loving letter - explaining everything - I know when I was that age I didn't know that much about this stuff... be real sincere - communicate nicely/tactfully. Say I love you - even if he's not willing to give his love now. You should spell out the complications - I bet he is clueless.

What do the other ladies think??

Personally, on a selfish stan point, I want to see you have the baby, but with Pete there.

DJ 'H' · Jun 8, 2006, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Well, you need to communicate that with him.....maybe send him a loving letter - explaining everything - I know when I was that age I didn't know that much about this stuff....be real sincere - communicate nicely/tactfully. Say I love you - even if he's not willing to give hsi love now. You should spell out the complications - I bet he is clueless.

What do the other ladies think???????

Personally, on a selfish stan point, I want to see you have the baby, but with Pete there.

I have tried telling him - so maybe a letter would be the way to go. Either that or I just make up my own mind regardless of him. If I am honest though, if I go through with this then I want pete, I and the baby to be a proper family. I don't want to be a single mum.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 8, 2006, 09:13 AM

Holly,

Personally you know what my opinion is and if I personally had to make the decision it would be a very easy decision. Just because there are two parents does not always make it a proper family. Sometimes there is more love in a single parent environment. With or without Pete it is you that needs to make the decision. My advice is to hold off a bit and see if Pete comes around. No matter what though you might have to make the decision without him. I myself no matter what would keep the baby. That is my opinion. I was brought up with a step father. My real father was not really in the picture. I think I turned out pretty good. It all depends. Yes, there would be lots of struggles, but the struggles makes people stronger. I still say GIVE IT SOME TIME. You do need to get answers and maybe a letter would be best. Get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. I am with Wildcat, Hoping Pete will come around. I know your still hoping for the same. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and we are all here to support you with any decision you make. We are all thinking about you. We are all hoping for the best outcome for all that is involved. Remember you have the support of Petes mum. She will be there for you and I would think your own family would be there with you.

Joe

orange · Jun 8, 2006, 10:54 AM

I hope Pete will come around as well...

I don't have much to add to all the great advice you've received Holly, but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and feel very badly for you right now. This is Thursday already, and if I was having a fight with my husband (or any dear friend, for that matter) that carried on this long without resolution of some kind, I would be a mess right now. I like things up front, and I hate having to wait. Especially because of the pregnancy.

Anyway take care Holly... I'm not saying much on this thread, but I am reading everything and hoping for a good outcome for you, Pete and the baby!

talaniman · Jun 8, 2006, 01:16 PM

All of us here, every single person wants Pete to have the time he needs to get his head together, as I do. Yes he's the father and he obviously is really thrown off. Part of me says be patient and part of me says kick him to the curb like I've told so many others in this situation. I really think you should wait and be patient with him and try to get yourself to a place to relax and stay calm. Yeah tell an emotional soon to be mother to stay calm... I'd settle for be patient!:cool: ;)

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2006, 02:22 PM

I think you should write the letter and have Chery take a look/see. Unbiased person.

Skell · Jun 8, 2006, 06:00 PM

Although as you say you are on a clock, giving him his time away. I think as chery said this could be the time he needs to reflect on the situation.
Giving space when asked for is very hard to do but from experience the best for everyone.

Wildcat21 · Jun 9, 2006, 07:08 AM

No word from Holly I see. Wanted to see if there were any new developments.

Krs · Jun 9, 2006, 07:30 AM

I think a letter will work well, sometimes I feel for me personally when I have to express my deep feelings I explain myself better on paper.
Hope this works.xxx

Wildcat21 · Jun 9, 2006, 08:33 AM

I am the same way. Especially with these types of matters.

Marj Ann · Jun 9, 2006, 10:24 AM

Holly: ~ Mind if a Gramma jumps in? May I give you a long distance hug and hold your hand while I say a few things? "Another abortion"? How sad! Oh, Honey! How terribly confused, abandoned, troubled & alone you must be feeling right now! But PLEASE don't even think about eliminating this 'inconvenience' as 'an option'. Do I believe in a woman's RIGHT to 'choose'? ABSOLUTELY! But you DID, Sweetie! You CHOSE to indulge in the sacred act that is the miraculous vehicle that creates LIFE. [When will we otherwise CIVILIZED human beings accept the simple reality that the act of a man & a woman coming together is NOT a recreation SPORT!] As a consequence of that CHOSEN act, a new innocent life with a heart already beating is now minute by minute growing within you. Yes, pregnancy is an obvious potential 'side-affect' of intercourse; the creation of LIFE. And Yes, pregnancy is "the luck of the draw" so to speak. Sorry, Love, but the fact is, the opportunity for you to execute your RIGHT to "choose" is PAST. You MADE your choice, you just didn't think through the potential and likely 'consequences of your choice.If you're thinking about a Plan B: Literally THOUSANDS of couples desperately wanting a child would be DELIGHTED to see you through financially & be THRILLED to 'relieve' you & Pete of this 'inconvenience'. One way to get a 'reality' check is to visit a hospital nursery & take a look at the new borns & preemies. I've lived long enough to realize that nothing happens by ACCIDENT! ~ Blessings come in an abundance of 'packages' & disguises. Please don't think I'm preaching, scolding or moralizing. You'll be at the top of my prayer list. ~ Consider yourself HUGGED!