[jca]

I have never had to worry or doubt my husband's love for me. I just feel that I have a jealous streak that I have to control. My husband is very sweet natured and likes to "advise" people about their lives. This tends to attract towards him, for some reason, girls who are single moms. I'm sure they find him wise, husband-sy, and so forth. In the past, it was a girl who was friends with his little brother. I spoke up about my feelings but did not intend for him to cut her out of his life. But it seems he did after I found him texting all his boys for boys' night out - and her. Now, he is doing his masters, and there is a girl in his program who is a single mom who seems to be the only person who is always in at least one of his classes, so they have things to talk about - homework, projects, etc.

I don't want to be paranoid since I trust him but I don't trust the girls. My husband is a great catch, even with his kids in tow. I don't want to repeat myself - it just seems like the other girls in his work life don't have opportunities to study or do projects with him, sometimes just the two of them.

I spoke to him about it - and made all the disclaimers and told him I don't mind that she is in our lives at all -- it's just when I don't know anything about them it made me all anxious. He reassured me that I was his only one - verbally and physically. He didn't get mad at all and was all "she's not important enough to be in OUR lives".

I just can't seem to shake the feelings off for some reason. SO now I don't know whether it's better for someone to be out of our lives, or to be in it where I can keep an eye on her?

I hate myself for wanting to check his texts and emails - we have each other's passwords. Am I invading his privacy as his wife? The emails seem pretty mundane but she makes suggestions for events - some of which I recall in the past he has brought up, not always as a family thing, but for when he gets his "kitchen pass" to go out.

I don't have guys wth whom I have some relationship with - just those at work. All of my friends are girls in the social setting.

Reading the emails got me even more paranoid. How do I shake the jealousy feeling off? Is is OK or not OK to ask him not to go to events like parties with her.. just school projects? Am I a terrible wife to make these rules? I am afraid that rules are going to shut him off and make the other girls even more of a chase for him...

CAn someone help me sort out my feelings and suggest what I should do or say?:(

[XxRoosterXx]

Wow! What a mess. Only IMO but you have a very tough decision. I don't know your husband but if he's taking her out to parties instead of you then something is wrong. Sounds to me like he has a built in baby sitter while he goes to release "tension". Don't sell yourself short.

[JBeaucaire]

Get a babysitter and attend these events with your husband. All of them if that is the only path to peace of mind. Money well spent.

Meanwhile, trust, but verify. No need to be paranoid, just respond calmly to your instincts. Keep your husband in the loop. Present your jealous pangs to him as compliments, not accusations. Build you man up, don't drag him down, even in this.

The best mortar for holding your marriage together is to be "fans" of one another. Find the things you admire about him, and admire him out loud. Go to these events, every single boring one he will allow you to attend, and beam with unbridled pride the whole time. Avidly interact with the friends, including this woman.

Trust your instincts, but verify. In the meantime, praise and admire.

[talaniman]

Talaniman house rules- Don't go anywhere the wife, and kids aren't welcome, or with people the wife, and kids can't know.
We made this rule together many years ago, and still stick to it.

Get a little more personally involved where they are concerned.

[eucalyptus]

Haha.I totally understand what you mean.I am in the same kind of boat,only about seven seas away,in the himalayan country.my husband,he is a really sociable person,he likes to advise and give suggestions to people,as people come asking for them.he is the intelligent type,u know,a philosopher.that was one of the qualities that attracted me towards him some years back.but the times have changed and things are not as perky as they used to be between us,although he makes me feel special and loved everyday.my love for him has grown as well.
Oh,the streak of jealousy.it burns,doesn't it?burns right in the abdomen,sending the acid to the brain and to every other cell in the body.makes you want to throw up every time you think about the particular dainty Ms.Perfect Abs crying her eyes out and asking your husband to be her mentor,to stop her from committing the mistake of letting her terrible boyfriend come back in her life again.. boohooo!
You talk about you not feeling comfortable about the whole issue,and he says,I'm her friend trying to help her in the time of need.
Yes,if I had a shotgun... hehe.
So much for jealousy.
After months of suffering from the undiluted acid of jealousy in my stomach,I have reached to certain conclusions,which has changed my perspectives towards certain things.I am now as calm and happy as Buddha.
I looked at myself on the mirror,I saw a very beautiful,vibrant,confident woman with numerous talents,with a giving and caring heart.and hey,since when do such sexy women need feeling insecured?
Go right now and stand in front of the mirror,turn the lights on,pull your hair up,put on a little gloss,spray a drop of that lovely perfume on that sexy neck of yours.mmm... whats that bit of fat doing around my love handles?did I become a little lazy over the years-hey,the gym is not very far away and tomorrow is a very good day to join in!hah!
Lets see,how tidy I keep my house.not bad.nobody can make carrot cake as yummy as I can,in my neighborhood.it's been some time since I had my time out with my frens,lets dial the numbers and go out for the latest movie in the cinema.
My talents-i sure know how to paint,write a poem,make people laugh,quite popular at work,hm,and not at all bad with my children.you could call me a diva of the love nest!
I have some men frens whom I flirt a little.why should I try to be genghis khan in his life and try to measure his flirt-o-meter?I should let him be.thats he best way to attract men.set them free.what about you flirt with him,eh?wear sexy dresses,cook him nice food,throw his frens a beer party,call over Ms.Perfect Abs,be nice to her.you will know she ain't that bad as you imagined her to be.
Last but not the least-remember,you can have nice abs,you are naturally super beautiful.and quite brainy too.ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO FEEL JEALOUS.
Howzzat?:cool: