[aloneIbreak]

Hello... I am new here.
My question will be simple... I will not get you all bored about it.
I am in my late 20s, I have some issues going on...
I feell like I have no reason to move on in life emotionally or personally.
I don't plan to take my life because that's not the right thing to do,
But I do not plan to continue living as a person.
I decided to isolate from everyone I know and I will become something like an ant.
Just work, provide for my family and continue. No enjoying things, no having fun, no having friends, nothing. I am young but I decided to destroy the life that as a person I could have. All that I will do now is just be a working machine to provide.
No feelings, no desires, no wishes, nothing.
And why I have isolated myself from friends and family is because I don't want to tell anyone how I feel because I feel that I don't want to be a load for anyone.
If I step into someone's life, I always mess up something.
Like a cancer, I somehow always ruin someone's life...


My question is... well, I don't think is a question...
I just wanted to say how I felt about my situation...
I guess if I need to ask something is this...
Is it wrong that I stop living for myself and just live to serve others and never myself?

[spyderglass]

I wouldn't consider that as a right or wrong answer. I don't believe someone could ever be happy that way. Why did you decide to stop living for yourself?

[Clough]

Hi, aloneIbreak!

It does sound like you have some issues that you do need to be addressing and discussing with others so that you won't feel so down on yourself.

Would you please mind sharing what some of those issue are, please?

There are some really great people here who are excellent with helping and giving support, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I have felt the way you have, many times...

Please do talk to us! You can feel safe here!

Thanks!

[aloneIbreak]

Why live for myself? What is there to gain? What goodnes or happines or greatness comes from that?
What purpose am I filling?

No reason to live as a person, so just live as a machine...
At least I don't hurt anyone if I did something stupid...
If emotions are dead, then I can not be driven by them and nothing bad should ever happen...

[spyderglass]

You are filling your purpose as a person. What are you holding back that could make you happy? What are you afraid of doing to hurt your loved ones?

[Clough]

What are some of the things that you like to do, aloneIbreak?

Thanks!

[aloneIbreak]

I find it extremely hard in trusting someone at this point in my life...
Because whatever I do, whatever it happens,
Somehow one way or the other, I am deceived...

And those who I think I trust, turn their back on me...
So, please don't take this personal, but I find it very hard to speak about myself...

I feel that I am not an interesting person at all...
Nothing exciting, nothing different...
Just one more in the population count...

And on some of the times I have talked about myself, I find it that those who listen get all fuzzed about it...

And I don't want to become a burden for anyone, and sometimes whenever I get involved with someone, whethet is as a friend or emotionally, I seem to hurt people...

And I don't want to do any of that...

[aloneIbreak]

You don't really want to know...

Nothing exciting... just reading, reading and learning stuff...

No dancing, no partying, no going out, no vacations, no travelling, no getting together, nothing...

I am young yes, but mentally I am 50+...
There's nothing exciting to know about me...

Pleaee forgive my answers filled with pessimism, but all I am trying to do is avoid making you dizzy about it...

[Clough]

I'm still waiting for an answer to my question, aloneIbreak. I would appreciate an answer, if you would be so kind to do that.

Thanks!

[aloneIbreak]

I thought I just did...

I posted at the same time you did...

[spyderglass]

Have you tried writing down your thoughts in a personal journal? I used to have a hard time trusting people too, especially men. But I came to realize that I was missing out on plenty of good friendships because of my trust issues- yes, when you trust people you open yourself up to be hurt. Without the risk there will be no rewards.

[Clough]

You don't really want to know....

nothing exciting....just reading, reading and learning stuff...

no dancing, no partying, no going out, no vacations, no travelling, no getting together, nothing...

I am young yes, but mentally I am 50+....
There's nothing exciting to know about me...

pleaee forgive my answers filled with pessimism, but all I am trying to do is avoid making you dizzy about it....

Okay, thanks!

You did answer my question, and yes, I do want to know.

Is there something that is keeping you from doing the things that you would like to do?

Please just answer simply.

Thanks!

[aloneIbreak]

I written stuff... but mostly stories...

Never about me... nothing interesting to write about me...

Just create imaginary worlds and stories...

[aloneIbreak]

No interest or will to do them anymore...

Can't find the appealing factor about them...

I can't even remember what I used to like...

[spyderglass]

aloneIbreak, I really would like to keep talking to you-but it is almost 3am where I'm at and I have a teething toddler so I need to get sleep when I can. I will log on tomorrow to talk to you. If you think you would be able to talk to me you can send me a PM, just click on my profile. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger instead of a person you see everyday. I hope you can figure things out and start feeling better- you almost sound as if you are suffering from depression. You sound so discouraged... Please try to do things for yourself, things that make you happy- sometimes that's all that we have. Goodnight aloneIbreak, Clough.

[aloneIbreak]

Please forgive my answers if they are too long or senseless... but I always have a hard time saying things and not being straight and simple... I always analyze everything from bottom to top...

I sincerely apologize...

[Clough]

no interest or will to do them anymore...

can't find the appealing factor about them...

I can't even remember what I used to like....

It's difficult to help you if you won't share with us. Why are you not willing to do that?

[aloneIbreak]

I can tell is late for both of you...
So is for me... please sleep and we can talk another time...
You must rest...

Thank you for the brief moment of listening...

Good night...

[aloneIbreak]

At the beginning of this thread I said that it is very difficult for me to share things...

I will share, but in small pieces...

Please forgive me...

[Clough]

Please forgive my answers if they are too long or senseless..... but I always have a hard time saying things and not being straight and simple.... I always analyze everything from bottom to top.....

I sincerely apologize....

I used to do exactly what you are doing now, when I was younger. Would you like to know anything about me?