[talaniman]

Sometimes we let our fears get in the way of our actions, and put a lot of pressure on the ones we love to be comfortable with them. When we push to hard, we actually get the opposite effect we want, and make them uncomfortable with our demands.

Learning to work slowly is a skill that brings out patience in us toward those close to us, and also gives them the time to process the information we are trying to convey to them, as when they are comfortable with what we do, they can also understand why we do, what we do. The reverse is also true as being patient is also how you become comfortable with them, and can process the information you receive, and understand it better.

The mistake we all make is trying to get what we want, without regard to the feelings of others and with committed partners, that's is a cause for conflict, and misunderstanding.

There is no hurry, so take the time to be comfortable with each other thru communications, and work together to resolve your issues, thru patience and understanding.

I don't think your wife is naïve at all, I just think she enjoys her friendship. I also think she would be totally crushed if she didn't have that friend, but will slowly see for herself the needs for boundaries that you both set, for you both.

Whew, fingers are tired, and didn't really mean to rail on, but just trying to help.

[dragon76]

Very well said, thank you once more. I don't want to change her, even though my actions sometimes indicate that. I, myself, don't want to change either, the only change I really want is that which brings positive improvements to my person as a whole. I am going to be the husband I believe I should be and enjoy being, as well as pay attention to what she expects of me. I maybe focusing too much on what others are doing and that has kept me from doing things I should be doing... That was DEEP! I am very glad I came to this site, hope I can help others like you guys have helped me.

[Hazel1220]

I think that is very intersting this relationship.] she has with this guy. I wonder, does he ever come over and hang out with you two? Or do you and your wife hang out with him and his wife? I know personally for me my friends , all males and females, come over and have fun nights with me and my boyfriend. Perhaps you might glean some insight and feel more comfortable if you all had a dinner party OR bbq or just something so that everyone else, other than your wife and her firend, can get to know each other a little bit better.

[sylvan_1998]

Simply, that is what I had typed in the post I decided to delete. I would focus less on if the relationship is appropriate and trying to get her to see your side (what you view to be right), because what does that win you? An award in the "right" collum?

I would focus on being what you can be. The best husband you can be. She will either see it or not but you will have no regrets!

I too do not think she is "cheating" in the physical sense. I may not agree about the emotional relationship. But the fact she has let you in to that relationship (let you meet him, know she calls him) is a huge plus and advantage.

Good luck! Open communication and agreed upon boundaries are definitely a plus!