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confused1650 · Oct 15, 2008, 08:06 AM

I was dating a girl for almost 3 years when we decided to call it quits. That was 4 months ago and it was a very stressfull point in both of our lives (I was finishing college and she was entering her senior year). Since then I've been trying to fix things, and recently I've been working on myself and have really learned a lot that wouldn't have been possible without our breakup (espescially in my religious life). I feel like I found on my own what she's been wanting me to find all along... and that was a more open relationship with God. She doesn't call or text me anymore unless I make the initial contact (which really confuses me). However, we hung out the other night and she had a great time! I really just kept it about us having fun and steered away from the subject of our relationship if it came up. But, I don't remember the last time I'd seen her have so much fun. She kept bringing up fun stories about our past, even intimate stories. Would she bring those things up if she wanted to get over me? At the end of the night I asked her why she decided to come and she teared up a bit and said "I missed my best friend". It's been about a week since then and there's been no contact. She is studying abroad in 3 months and has her sister's wedding in about 2 weeks so her life is really stressed right now. I want to be there for her, and continue to build a new relationship (at least starting as friends). Question is, do I make the effort to initiate conversation again? Or wait until she contacts me?

NallaNeedsYou · Oct 15, 2008, 11:58 AM

I think that if you love her you should ask if she needs help and assure her that your not worrying about your old relationship your just trying to help her. Then wait. Don't rush her and make sure you keep her trust in you. Good luck

JBeaucaire · Oct 15, 2008, 12:47 PM

There are no "moves" to be made. Stop thinking of her as a girl you need to "get back" and treat her like a neighbor. Be neighborly.

Talk when you can, interact when you can. When she's away/abroad, an occasional email, right?

Keep it simple like you would any friendly relation until such time as you are both in the same place again for a long period... THEN you think about "moves."

talaniman · Oct 16, 2008, 12:01 PM

We decided to call it quits.

Just me, she has effectively put you in the friendzone and if your cool with that by all means be friends.

I asked her why she decided to come and she teared up a bit and said "I missed my best friend".

If your holding out false hope of her being in an official relationship with you again... forget it!!

She is studying abroad in 3 months...

I think she is telling you good bye, and don't wait for her, and maybe you should see that.

How long is her studying abroad??

confused1650 · Oct 16, 2008, 12:32 PM

She's going to be gone for 6 months. However, a while ago when we were talking about us, I had mentioned something about when you marry someone, it's because at the very least they are your best friend... I'm not going to hold on to false hope, but I figure at least I could be there for her in any way possible while she figures her life out in the next 8 months. And when she does, we'll both have a better idea of if we can ever be any more than just friends.

kctiger · Oct 16, 2008, 12:35 PM

Doing that would only limit your life and your options. I truly believe you want nothing more than to rekindle the previous relationship. If you wait around that long at it doesn't happen... how much will you be hurting then? That is just too much time to gamble on. IMO

Romefalls19 · Oct 16, 2008, 12:40 PM

You are making up a relationship inside your head filled with what-ifs, while she is trying to live her life while having you as a friend. Just let it go, accept nothing more than a friendship or nothing at all.

talaniman · Oct 16, 2008, 07:31 PM

I'm not going to hold on to false hope, but I figure at least I could be there for her in any way possible while she figures her life out in the next 8 months

Please don't do that to yourself or her, thats not fair to either of you.

Letting go is hard, but thats the right thing to do. You'll appreciate that later. For now its time to deal with reality and make the most of your life without her.

Your only making things hard for you both, and thats false hope, and a lot of FEAR!!!

turbogtir · Oct 16, 2008, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by confused1650

I was dating a girl for almost 3 years when we decided to call it quits. Question is, do I make the effort to initiate conversation again? or wait until she contacts me?

Dude i am going through the same thing right now! Im not sure what to do, do i call her first or wait for her to call? She is also doing her studys like yours, do we wait or initiate contact first?

talaniman · Oct 17, 2008, 06:05 AM

When a lady calls it quits, move on!! No contact begging or looking like a silly lovesick puppy. Give her what she asked for.

Same suggestion for you both, and no excuses about YOUR feelings and the actions they make you want to take.

Deal with them. Coping thru hard times is a fact of life.

"Yeah, but", is a loser lament!