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nikkir386 · Oct 13, 2008, 01:37 PM

I have not told my friends or family about this.

I went to one of my friends house over the weekend. I was there under the assumption that it was just going to be she and I there, a relatively "safe" environment, hanging out alone. We started drinking, and after a few strong drinks, I became really intoxicated. Her boyfriend came over(I did not expect that he would be coming over) by the time we were very out of it. I remember at some point he was trying to physically pull me into the bedroom with the both of them to engage in some sexual acts, but I kept resisting. He also at some point took my cell phone and hid it. Eventually I was passed out in bed with them, how, when or why I got there-I do not remember. I awoke in bed to him touching me, and I did tried pushing him away and telling him no, but he would just continue with what he was doing. I was still feeling very intoxicated at this point, and I just remember being very tired. He forced himself on me, and despite my attempts to push him off, he was much bigger than I was, and putting a lot of pressure on me and I couldn't get him to stop. So I just laid there, practically numb to everything that was going on. He was completely sober, because he doesn't drink.

I've come across a lot of people who seem to believe that this was my fault, because I was drunk, and there really isn't much I can do about it anyway because of that. I have been a complete mess about this the past few days and I feel really gross and I do not know what steps I need to take about this. I would have never, ever, EVER let this kind of thing happen normally. I almost feel like, if I were sober, I would have had more strength to make him stop. I don't know... Anyway, I am looking for advice.

mdh111688 · Oct 13, 2008, 02:25 PM

This is still rape. It doesn't matter whether you were intoxicated or not, you still said no right? Rape = sex without consent. I honestly don't know steps you can take. Perhaps, you can look it up on the internet and get the legal steps.

Also, this isn't your fault. Yes, you got drunk, but you didn't decide to have sex. The only fault in this situation lies with the boyfriend who took advantage of you. It was wrong on so many levels. He was sober, he knew what he was doing. You didn't.

missingpieces · Oct 13, 2008, 02:26 PM

First of all, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL!
1. You were drunk, he was sober, he 100% took advantage of you.
2. He is bigger and stronger and held you down even when you tried to fight. You DID try to fight and especially if he was sober he should have known better!
3. You made it very clear all night and when he was touching you, despite being drunk, that you were not OK with him touching you and that you did not want anything to do with him.
4. You went over to your friends house assuming it was a safe environment and that it was just going to be the two of you so you couldn't have known that her boyfriend was going to come over.

Secondly, You have to tell the police and your friend.
You were raped. This is 100% a case of rape. This may sound harsh, but you have to tell the police and you have to tell your friend. Your friend should not be dating such a horrible person, and maybe she should have known better than to date a guy like that in the first place (if there were any signs that he was a bad person). She could be in danger though. Even more so, you have to go to the police. You may not be the first person he has done this to, and more importantly, you may not be the last. It is awful that so much responsibility falls on the victim when all you want is for this all to go away, but you really do need to get this guy put away. And it may come down to your word against his, but a rape victim's words do not go unheard with the police, especially when so few victims actually report that they have been assaulted.
As for people blaming you, how could they possibly do this? He was the one that was sober and should have had better judgment! Again, you thought you were going into a safe environment and you made it very clear that you did not want him touching you at all. This is in no way your fault, he is a very bad person. It doesn't matter that you were drunk, he took advantage of that. Just because you were drinking does not at all make this your fault.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. If you need more support I am more than happy to talk to you more. There are also some hotlines you can call and one I found online.

The online one is here: National Sexual Assault Online Hotline
For hotlines in your area you can just type in "rape hotline" and the area you are in into Google.

Please keep posting and let us know what you decided to do.

elyle007 · Oct 16, 2008, 06:58 PM

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!
You need to report this to the police. I know its scary and you feel hurt and scared but it is of the utmost importance that you get help from a therapist and get a case going against this man. Why haven't you talked to your friend about it? She should help you! You being drunk doesn't matter, if you said no than you said no. This man should be locked up. Take care of yourself. You need to talk to someone. You're not gross, remember you're beautiful, there's nothing more you could have done whether you were sober or not. Just make sure that you talk to someone. Don't try to do this by yourself.

jjwoodhull · Oct 16, 2008, 07:38 PM

This is rape. You are the victim of a violent crime. It is not your fault. Tell your parents, call the police and get counseling for yourself. You need help to get through this.

Where was your friend while this was going on? Your best bet is to get her to go to the police with you to back up your story.

nikkir386 · Nov 12, 2008, 11:16 AM

Remove this thread please!!

nikkir386 · Nov 12, 2008, 11:19 AM

I have had people recently searching my username, because I use it for other things, and they have found my thread! This must be removed!!

missingpieces · Nov 19, 2008, 02:45 PM

Why must it be removed? If you want it removed you will have to ask an administrator to do so.

If you have not come forward to the police and your friend about this issue yet, you really need to do so. This is a dangerous situation for your friend and I know that it is so hard to do so especially when people are pointing the finger at you, but you would be doing the right thing and most likely saving other women from the horror you went through. Shame on ANYONE who points the finger at you!

roxypox · Nov 19, 2008, 05:12 PM

First of all it's rape! And secondly you have a strong case if you wish to go to the police.

I am however sympathetic if you find it hard to go to the police. Sadly, a lot of girls find that people often don't believe them when they tell people that they have been raped. Which is really really sad! I was raped this summer and I was so mentally brokendown afterwards that I wasn't able to go and report it (it doesn't help that I was on vacation in 1 country, live in another and the guy is from a 3rd country) although it was a music festi val and I could have gotten help from red cross... but I showered the next day because I wanted to get his scent of me. And I was scared that it would be a case of word against word...

Do you have a rape crisis centre near you? They might be able to help with the question of how to go about this legally... or at least help you with therapy. Do your find know what happened? If she does it might be a good idea to break all bonds with her, and if she knows you were raped she might be a witness...

I'm sorry this happened to you!