[Grey Kid]

Hey guys,

So I’ve been on two dates (Met her two weeks ago) with this girl and so far there’s promise. Both dates have gone decently well. She’s told me to call her and that we should hang out together soon. But here’s the thing…

She never initiates calling. The five or six times I’ve been on the phone with her during this fortnight, I’ve had to make the calls. Sometimes, when I text her, she doesn’t text back.

Now before you think I bombard her with contact- I don’t. I always make sure to leave 48 hours (at least) between each call, and keep them brief, no more than 5 minutes. Texts messages are sporadic and usually the lead-on from some injoke or teasing.

It seems trivial, but it’s doing my head in.

I know that if I like someone, I would probably text them back if they texted me, or at least not place the ENTIRE responsibility of calling and planning dates on them. Girls, any advice from the female perspective?

It seems like the ‘rules’ state that I should match her phone call for phone call, and that I should wait for her to call. Have I set the wrong pattern by being the one to initiate? When we are together we get along great, but when we aren’t it seems like we are both trying to be as ‘indifferent’ towards each other as possible.

I’m probably over-analysing but I would really appreciate a girl’s perspective (Or a guy in the know). Cheers.

[holeinheart21]

Well, sounds like she is either playing hard to get, is not wanting to write back to commit in anyway, or in all honesty, from personal experience, this could mean that she enjoys your company, but only because she has nothing else planned. I am not trying to make it sound like you aren't an amazing person, but I think it is an option you simply must entertain. How many people give false impressions? I don't think this is the case here, but then again, it is something to keep an eye out for. It could mean she is still playing the field as well.

From advice that I have been given, you don't have too much invested yet, so I would take a chance to see how interested she really is in you, and don't call. Let her be the one to call you. She doesn't call in a reasonable period of the time, then, well you just saved yourself many future nights that you may have wasted on dates with her.

On the flip side, some women like to play games, and they like you chasing them. They want you to be the one to initiate things and be the one to take control of the situation. They want to leave the effort up to you. Whatever her reasoning is, I would just keep your eyes open. It is only your second date though, so its tough to tell if its something serious.

[Grey Kid]

That is all very true. I think I should offer a few more tidbits, so you guys can assess the situation from an external perspective:

- She approached me to ask me out for coffee (

[Grey Kid]

- edit. I hit the post key on the above post before I could finish it.

-Yes, she approached me first, which I found strange.

-We both are very independent and busy people

- 2nd date, we are only at the childish hand holding stage (albeit very tentative hand holding). At the end of our 2nd date she tried to kiss me on the lips goodbye, but I ducked in for a cheek peck instead. I guess I wasn't ready for it and didn't want to seem overly eager.

Holeinheart, I think you're right. She's been giving me good signs, but I'm beginning to think that it could just be a false impression.

[holeinheart21]

Well, the fact that she approached you and tried to kiss you are good signs. This is showing that she is a t least taking some initiative to represent her interest in you. Seeing that she at least made some attempt, I wouldn't sweat the sporadic text messaging, since you are really just dating. It would seem that she is interested in you considering she wanted to kiss you, but think about it this way. You weren't ready to kiss her yet, and so you didn't make that commitment and seem over eager, and her reasons for not calling and texting as often could also be that she wanted to play it cool and not seem over eager.

This little bit of information helps with the insight of things a little bit, and I think you should just go with it right now, and not sweat it. Considering your concerns, just take it slow and one step at a time. Don't let yourself over think things too much. Just enjoy it for now. I'm not saying totally let your guard down, but it's still to early to worry too much about things.

[JBeaucaire]

There are no rules. There is no right and wrong way to do what feels right in fitting dates into your real life. You make the best choice you can for you... for today... for this particular dating endeavor.

The problem is you're spending all the time between texts and calls wondering about her. She isn't doing your head in, you are.

There's nothing to stop you from actually using that time for other things, other dates, even.

[talaniman]

The problem is you're spending all the time inbetween texts and calls wondering about her. She isn't doing your head in, you are.

There's nothing to stop you from actually using that time for other things, other dates, even.

Well said, and the absolute truth, as usual, rocket guy.