[Desarae289]

I'm 23 years old, and I have been married for only one year. I met my husband and we married only after ten months of dating. Sense we have been married, I have not been happy, mostly every day I cry. We have a lot of problems for no unreason. He doesn't show me love anymore, he doesn't kiss me or be affectionate towards me. It all started right after we got married. I noticed him looking at internet porn when Im not home, he'll say he didn't look at it, but its on the history report. All He does is ignore me. He'll sit on the computer for hours, and when he's done with the computer he'll sit in front of the TV until he falls asleep. He works two full time jobs ( because he thinks he's got to support his family in Africa) and so the only time we get to spend together is on the weekends, but he doesn't want to be with me at all. Every weekend, I'll confront him about it and ask him why he doesn't want to spend time with me and why he can't be affectionate towards me, and it always ends up in a big fight with him making me cry and hyproventilating. Finally one night I asked him again why he doesn't want to spend time with me, and the truth finally came out. He said it's because I haven't lost weight, and that I should lose weight cause it will benefite him. Yeah I'm overweight but it's not like I'm huge. I joined weight watchers five weeks ago before I found out my weight was such a big problem to my husband, and I had lost 16 pounds. I was the same weight when we first started dating and I'm still the same weight when we got married. I have not gain any weight during the marriage, I only lost weight. If my weight was such a big problem to him then why did he date me, why did he married me. I just don't understand. I need advice on what to do, He's put me in a dark corner and I've become so depressed.

[Choux]

He can't deal with your depressed mood. If you were an aggressive, happy woman, he wouldn't complain about your weight or ignore you.

You have to deal with your depression immediately so you can turn your life around. Tomorrow is Monday... call a clinic for an appointment.

[liz28]

It seems that your husband is making you feel bad and hurted your feeling on purpose by saying what he did about your weight especially if you weight the same when you got married.

It seems like marriage counseling is in order especially since your having all these problems within a year of your marriage. Communication isn't there among over things.

Also, if you want to lose weight then do it for yourself and nobody else. If your comfortable in your skin then don't let anyone bring you down. When he married you he accept you and if he can't accept you after you got married then screw him. Stand up for yourself and you shouldn't have to beg your husband to spend time with you. If he wants to hang out from his friends over you then you do the same and if you don't have friends then get up and make some. Don't ever let anyone damage your self-worth nor attack your self-esteem. You have a voice so use it.

Sadly, if you he keeps up the way he is, this marriage will fail without a third party involve. Regardless, if he refuses seek help for yourself to make yourself stronger.

Good luck!

[Desarae289]

I think my words were missunderstod. I was trying to say that the way my husband is treating me has put me into depression. I was a very happy person before, and than when we got married he started to changed. He didn't want nothing to do with me and I couldn't understand why. I was overweight before, (the same weight I am now but 16 pounds lighter) so why is it such a problem now. If me being overweight is such a problem than why did he date me, why did he ask me to marry him, that's what I don't understand.

[liz28]

I understood what you said and your husband is making you feel bad but you should seek help. What happens if you lose weight then he has another issue with him. I am sure there is something about him physically that you would change.

Counseling would make you stronger and help you with depression and marriage counseling would help the both of you with your marriage in hopes of making it last.

[brelee]

In my apinion... Does your husband's change exactly matter with your weight?

[Desarae289]

In my apinion... Does your husband's change exactly matter with your weight?

I'm not sure. I've noticed him looking at porn, and a part of me thinks he's comparing me to the women he's viewing, I asked him if he was, and I also told him that those kind of women are air brushed and I will not be compared to a cartoon. He reinsured me that he wasn't comparing and said it would never happen again, and it hasn't but still he use to not be like this, he use to be a good God fearing man, He treated me so right and than when we got married he changed and said my weight is the reason why he can't spend time with me or show me affection, and if I lost weight he would. Im the same but smaller now, so Im not sure what's up, he won't give me answers, if I talk to him he avoids it.

[Choux]

Get out of this marriage if your culture allows it. Get a job and make a life for yourself so you can gain self-confidence and avoid abuse.

Your weight is just his excuse he is giving you so he can dominate you by breaking you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, he is just using this to control you, making you feel bad about yourself, it will only get worst. Your husband needs serious counseling and you may need to separate for a while to allow him time to get help

[brelee]

There should be something happen caused his change. He may have not told you the truth.
Be patient and find out what's the problem.
Everything can be solved by communication.
If you finally find he just hate you because your body,I think he isn't worth your love

[sarahcole]

Your husband is a jackass! Girl, you are not the one who needs change! I'm so sorry you have gone through this. If your outer looks are what is his problem, then seriously give him the break he wants and kick his out! Don't put up this emotional abuse!

[mamaof2boys]

Get out of this marriage if your culture allows it. Get a job and make a life for yourself so you can gain self-confidence and avoid abuse.

Your weight is just his excuse he is giving you so he can dominate you by breaking you.

I don't think just getting out is the answer. Eventually it may be but I would explore other options first such as counseling. Divorce is not a joke, something to take lightly or an easy way out. There is no excuse for his actions at all but my guess is something much deeper (such as a porn addiction) is going on inside of him.

[Kadehadaire]

Can you imagine his reaction if you were to treat him this way? Something to think about.

[Eefchan]

This is just my opinion, but if you husband DOES really love you, he wouldn't care what matter the size of your body is. If he would care, he would be good to you and confront you APPROPRIATELY not become harsh and cold to you, now that is just immature of him. I'm sorry but that is what I think, that your husband may not love you at all. But that's just it isn't it? He married you and submitted to the vows. People, marriage isn't just being tied in the knot with somebody... it is a commitment and a major commitment. So now what? Get your head straight girl and think this over with. He doesn't have the right to make you feel inferior with your body without your permission! Good luck!

[lovingme03]

Continue to pray and believe for your husband to be changed by God. When he's not in a place to be strong, when he is being attacked in his mind, when he is not himself, you must pray with FAITH. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!