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loserlegendr · Oct 11, 2008, 11:49 AM

My mother is embarrassed to call me her son for many reasons. I love my mom and she loves me but thinks I am an awful son. I am living with her and I am 19 years old I don't start college until the winter semester and I don't have a job. It is hard for me to find a job. She really looks down on me as an awful son and it hurts me so much I am not saying that she hates me but she expects more. I am not like her other friends sons who are doing better in life because of me. Honestly I am a good kid I never got in trouble for anything in high school never dropped out or skipped classes never hung out with the wrong people I was very mature for my age but my mother does not see that. She says I need to grow up. I also plan to major in art/animation which she disagrees is a good career but whatever I plan to move in a year in a half and she said I will never make it on my own. She really makes me hate myself. She is also embarrassed that I never had a girlfriend and am not considered a "real man" we argue all the time. She helps me with many things but the verbal abuse makes me want to leave. She said I am a nobody at the moment and I need to grow up. She blames everything on me and really wants me to be something I can't be I even told her this and she denies it. I love my mom I just hate her attitude. I am so miserable with so much other things going on in my life and this really hurts me. I also don't have a father and she constantly says that she was a single parent and did everything for me and that I am ungrateful. I think she is a great mother I just feel like a nothing when she tells me things. I have everything because of her and she always reminds me of that. I feel so worthless and unloved by the world.

Choux · Oct 11, 2008, 11:55 AM

You have to go get a job... an able-bodied man who doesn't work is a failure. You are going to make yourself sick if you don't work, in my opinion.

Every day you should go to 10 places to apply for a job... tell them you will work part-time when you start school, too.

jpothoof · Oct 13, 2008, 12:44 PM

Don't worry your not alone. Sadly my boyfriend is dealing the same thing. It might be because she feels she has failed as a parent not that you're a bad child. Even if it is our fault our parents seem to take the blame harder. My bf's mom feels he is ungreatfull selfish and inconsiderate when really he has been trying to support her and her family as well as deal with his dad's death when he was two. Now he is almost 18 and she wants his trustfund money for raising him. Either way I'm sure she does love you. And all you can do is try. My mom is my biggest doubter but I know its because she wants the best for me. I don't hate her for it.

mishelly3 · Oct 13, 2008, 07:52 PM

First all I am sooooo sorry your mom is acting like that.. DONT LISTEN TO HER she us the one with the problem NOT YOU>>>>>
Hon you have to look for a job, you need to get out of that house and stay out till she gets somehelp.. Maybe you can call the local dshs and see what they can do for you. A church the salvation army, these are all places that might help you with housing and food call today... Theres people out there who will hwlp you just have to help.. Hon your being abused and you just have to realize it all her .I think if you explain your situation to the local dshs they could get you emrgency housing, but you have to be diligent in finding a joob...

IAm sooo sorry for you but know you have to control of your life and stand up and make a change it will be so hard but you will be so much better..

GOOd luck

kitten420 · Oct 13, 2008, 09:52 PM

Your mom should be proud of you. There are lots of other kids out there that dropped out and all this other stuff. I think you and your mom should talk about it don't argue or get mad tell her just to listen to you and to try and undrstand. Your mom also just wants everything that is best for you and she just wants you to grow up and learn to be responsible and I am not saying your not but no matter what you how well you have done things your mom loves you and she just wants what's best and most of the time parents push their kids and might not even know how its effects their kids. So I would advise a mother and son moment and talk about it. And just start looking for a job at least and come to a compromise with her. She is after all your mother. Unlike me I am 19 dropped out of school and my mother and my sister and her kid are living with me. And I am the one being responsible taking care of everyone. So just be happy your mom is there and she is pushing you to do something with your life because my mom never pushed me and now I am taking care of her at the age of 19! I know my mom loves me but she needs to grow up a bit she is 36 years old and she acts like she is 22 dating guys 3 years older then me and partying all the time. I WISH I HAD A MOM LIKE YOURS!!

2008tana · Oct 14, 2008, 04:38 AM

Hey There,

Mothers are very difficult at times, now that I am a mother I feel different about mine. I went through exactly the same thing, we never saw eye to eye, she was not supportive and eventually admitted she was not a really good mother. We ended up joking about it and I said she was like that song "Buses and Trains" she sent me out to the world unprepared.:D

Anyway... Factors to take into account: Reason you are not working? What type of family lifestyle do you have? i.e. wealthy, average, poor. Are you living rural/city? You say your studying when do you graduate? What is your family life style

Those are just some of the factors, you can never completely understand one person, its so much easier not to, I think we have 2 choices to stay in this situation or remove ourselves from it.

You sound like you are a middle kid. Personally I would have moved out by now, you should know its unhealthy to have constant negative energy in your life, if the rest of your life is sh*% that is why.

You need to break free, maybe your mum now wants some me time, which 'does not justify how she is treating you at the moment but maybe one of the reasons she is lashing out on you. My mother use to tell me how selfish I was and that was all I would ever be... Strangely enough my partner would actually agree with that, but I can't help wanting something just for me.

All this aside we need to be thankful we are here because its one journey giving birth, then seeing your child grow before your eyes, Pinning so much hopes and dreams on them... :p Good luck:o:o:cool::D

"In response to the able man working, a job is not always about money. being a stay at home mum or dad is a fulltime job without pay and with its own set of rules.... its a matter of opinion"

SweetDee · Oct 15, 2008, 04:33 AM

Sounds to me like you need to clarify some stuff in your head.

You need to think about YOU, here. Not so much HER. I think you do love her, but to "like" her is something else. She acts dispicably with you and you have the right to acknowledge that.

You are going to school come the winter so you ARE doing something to further your desire to become an artist of some kind.

You can get any kind of job just to have money in your pocket and to shut her up. It will also give you loads of self esteem and perhaps you can make new friends?

I think you have a good argument. It's horrible that she treats you so badly. There IS no exuse for it. It's wonderful that she raised you and did it as a single mom, but quite frankly you did not ASK TO BE BORN so she had to do it! It was her responsibility!

She's pissed off... bitter, unhappy and miserable... NONE of it is your problem.

Do yourself a favor... get a job even if it's for the mere purpose of "lining your pockets" and shutting her up.

You can't control what she says to you, but YOU CAN control how you feel about it.

Your focus needs to be on yourself... and what it's going to take to keep you on your path and WITH yourself esteem in tack.

You can believe that you are an awesome kid. You are...

kitten420 · Oct 17, 2008, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by kitten420

Your mom should be proud of you. There are lots of other kids out there that dropped out and all this other stuff. I think you and ur mom should talk about it dont argue or get mad tell her just to listen to you and to try and undrstand. ur mom also just wants everything that is best for you and she just wants you to grow up and learn to be responsible and I am not saying your not but no matter what you how well u have done things your mom loves you and she just wants whats best and most of the time parents push thier kids and might not even kno how its effects thier kids. so i would advise a mother and son moment and talk about it. and just start lookin for a job at least and come to a comprimise with her. she is after all your mother. unlike me i am 19 dropped out of school and my mother and my sister and her kid are living with me. and i am the one being responsible taking care of everyone. so just be happy ur mom is there and she is pushing u to do something with ur life bc my mom never pushed me and now i am taking care of her at the age of 19! I kno my mom loves me but she needs to grow up a bit she is 36 years old and she acts like she is 22 dating guys 3 years older then me and partying all the time. I WISH I HAD A MOM LIKE YOURS!!!

Thank you its really hard sometimes but I do my best.