[babycakes123]

My Experience of 9/11
The event 9/11 changed everyone’s life forever. I know it changed mine. If you ask someone where they were when this event took place, they can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing. Some people view this event as being the most import event in American History. It killed more U.S. citizens than any other event since Pearl Harbor. Even though Manhattan was the city being attacked this event affected the whole country. This was a very shocking event for all. I know it shocked me, considering I was away in New Hampshire.
During this event I was away with my graduating class of 2008. We were only in 6th grade at the time. The entire 6th grade class was at Natures classroom enjoying themselves. During Natures Classroom we spent a week in New Hampshire with our fellow classmates and friends to learn about nature and finding the confidence you need as a young adult. You really learn to respect your peers during this week. You get to become closer to the teachers; they are enjoying this trip and having fun with you. It’s a great time for students and teachers. While all this fun was occurring on Tuesday September 11, 2001 something horrible had happened.
Nobody knew what was going on, but we knew it was something big. All the teachers were wearing sunglasses as if they had been crying. One of the teachers had a television in their cabin, while all the students were off doing the activities planned for us they gathered around the TV, and watched the news. The TV happened to be in the boy’s cabin when they came back they saw that the television has been taken away from their room and they weren’t allowed to watch TV. These boys were furious because the night before they got to watch it but why not tonight? The teacher had to explain to them that it was against Nature Classrooms rules to have TV in your room, because you were there to learn. Really they were taking away the TV because they didn’t want the boys to see what was going on. The next day one of the girls in my school went home because she was sick. Later when we had got home we found out that she went home because of what happened. All the students knew something had happen because of all the changes that we had witnessed. We didn’t know what happened. The teachers didn’t tell us because they didn’t want to ruin our week. We continued the week as planned. The last day we were at Natures Classroom one of the counselors said things might be different when you arrive home. This made us positive that something happened but we didn’t know what. We then went home to our families, where they told us the shocking news.
As soon as I got home my mom asked if I heard what happened on Tuesday, I was like “no but I know something bad happened”. She explained to me what happened but being so young at the time I didn’t fully understand. On the car ride home I noticed all the flags but I didn’t think to ask my mother what it was for. My family asked me how the trip was and I told them everything I did. They were glad I had fun. As soon as I told them all the fun things I did, my parents put the news on for me to see exactly what they were talking about. My dad turned on the computer and showed me pictures. I was shocked to see what had happened; although I expected something to be different at home I didn’t expect it to be so brutal. I am glad the teachers didn’t tell us because it would have ruined our week and made us worry about our families. I looked at all the pictures and looked up at my mom and was like “how’s Corrine?” Corrine is my mother’s sister who lived in New York at the time. She said “she’s doing good but its more shocking for her, the boys got out of school early that day”. I thought to myself wow, what would I have done if my aunt and my cousins had been hurt by what happened. I was so happy to hear that they were okay. This event brought the citizens closer; it shows that when something terrible happens the whole country is affected and not just one state.
This event changed America forever. Everyone will remember everything about this day. It brought the country together and the families. It shocked everyone. We will never forget the date September 11, 2001! This event will be in the history books forever. Our children and grandchildren will be learning about this life changing event in their own history classes.

[Wondergirl]

May I ask what grade you're in, and what the assignment was (and for which class)?

[babycakes123]

I am freshmen in college it was for english class and the assingment was to write a reflection essay with both a genral topic and specific occasion

[Wondergirl]

I'll put parentheses around the things that need correction. You make the corrections. Watch out for pronouns and their number and what their antecedents are. Watch out for commas after a dependent clause. Be careful with verb tenses.

My Experience of 9/11

The event 9/11 changed everyone's life forever. I know it changed mine. If you ask (someone) where they were when this event took place, they can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing. Some people view this event as being the most (import) event in American (History). It killed more U.S. citizens than any other event since Pearl Harbor. Even though Manhattan was the city being attacked() this event affected the whole country. This was a very shocking event for all. I know it shocked me, considering I was away in New Hampshire.

During this event I was away with my graduating class of 2008. We were only in 6th grade at the time. The entire 6th grade class was at (Natures) (classroom) enjoying themselves. During (Natures) Classroom() we spent a week in New Hampshire with our fellow classmates and friends to learn about nature and (finding) the confidence (you) need as a young adult. (You) really learn to respect (your) peers during this week. (You) get to become closer to the teachers; they are enjoying this trip and having fun (with you). It's a great time for students and teachers. While all this fun was occurring on Tuesday() September 11, 2001() something horrible had happened.

Nobody knew what was going on, but we knew it was something big. All the teachers were wearing sunglasses as if they had been crying. One of the teachers had a television in (their) cabin(, while) all the students were off doing the activities planned for us they gathered around the TV(,) and watched the news. The TV happened to be in the (boy's) (cabin when) they came back() they saw that the television (has) been taken away from their room() and they weren't allowed to watch TV. These boys were furious because the night before they got to watch it() but why not tonight? The teacher had to explain to them that it was against (Nature Classrooms) rules to have TV in your room(,) because you were there to learn. Really they were taking away the TV because (they) didn't want the boys to see what was going on. The next day one of the girls in my school went home because she was sick. Later when we (had got) home() we found out that she went home because of what () happened. All the students knew something had (happen) because of all the changes that we (had) witnessed. We didn't know what () happened. The teachers (didn't) tell us because they didn't want to ruin our week. We continued the week as planned. The last day we were at (Natures) Classroom() one of the counselors said things might be different when you arrive home. This made us positive that something () happened() but we didn't know what. We then went home to our families, (where) they told us the shocking news.

As soon as I got home() my mom asked if I heard what () happened on Tuesday(,) I was (like) (“no but I know something bad happened”.) She explained to me what () happened() but being so young at the time I didn't fully understand. On the car ride home() I noticed all the flags() but I didn't think to ask my mother what (it was) for. My family asked me how the trip was() and I told them everything I did. They were glad I had () fun. As soon as I told them all the fun things I did, my parents put the news on for me (to see exactly what they were talking about.) My dad turned on the computer and showed me pictures. I was shocked to see what had happened(; although) I expected something to be different at home() I didn't expect it to be so brutal. I am glad the teachers didn't tell us because it would have ruined our week and made us worry about our families. I looked at all the pictures and looked up at my mom and (was like “how's Corrine?”) Corrine is my mother's sister who lived in New York at the time. She said( “she's doing good but its more shocking for her, the boys got out of school early that day”.) I thought to myself() wow, what would I have done if my aunt and my cousins had been hurt by what happened. I was so happy to hear that they were okay. This event brought the citizens closer(; it) shows that when something terrible happens the whole country is affected and not just one state.

This event changed America forever. Everyone will remember everything about this day. It brought the country together (and the families.) It shocked everyone. We will never forget the date() September 11, 2001! This event will be in the history books forever. Our children and grandchildren will be learning about this life()changing event in their own history classes.