[Pezhead37]

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and she now decides that she doesn't know if she's ready for a relationship. So she wants time. I'm not okay with breaks but I gave it a try. I decide its best not to talk to her because this is the best chance of us working it out. Her ex boyfriend (before me) always calls her because he has no ing life and won't get over it. He calls her one time and I guess he can tell she's upset because of the break. Next thing I know is he has tickets to a college game here at our college. Today I call her and asking who she went to the game with. Well knowing that I've never wanted her hanging out with him, she goes with him. She feels this is part of the break I guess. I'm not happy with this and I let her know. I get back to the college because I was back in our hometown for the weekend and I go up to her room to talk about it and before I knock I listen. I hear them talking... so I knock. Dead silence. I text her and say I heard you guys talking, open the door. We talk about it and I'm like and all that jazz but try to be understanding. I say look, even if we ever get over us you should never get back with him. He broker her heart and mentally abused her for about 5 months into our relationship. She said I know and I told him he has no chance. She said he was leaving soon and not spending the night or anything. He's just helping me through this. So trying to be adjusting, I talk to her for about 10 minutes then I let her go back in the room with him. I leave and this is where I am now... that was about 4 hours ago and no offense I'm pretty sure he's still there.

She has always been brutally honest to me about the things she does even if it hurts me. So 1/2 of me wants to say she's telling the truth and nothing is going down. The other half tells me they had sex for sure and I'm going to regret asking her tomorrow... I know she'll tell me if she did something, that's just how she is.

Just to clarify, the reason of the break is because we got into a huge fight and she doesn't want to be emotionally hurt anymore, yet she goes behind my back and does like this. She told me when would date anyone during it nor have sex or anything like that. It wasn't about someone else and it wasn't against me, she just wanted to make sure she was ready for this and didn't want to give up anything in her life. The problem is, she'll say that then do something then be really honest about it.

When we talked she said she still thinks of us and not of us, its just she wants to be single right now. I told her I was going to end the break and it really upset her. All these mixed emotions I really don't know what to do. I'm 21, almost 22. She's 21.

Help.

[Pezhead37]

Sorry I meant

When we talked she said she still thinks of us and only of us, its just she wants to be single right now.

I'm a tad drunk right now. My roomie thought it would help. Obv not..

[spyderglass]

I don't think she is being honest at all. If her ex was abusive then why did she take his calls while the two of you were together? Anyhow, I don't know any couple that doesn't have fights (or at least a disagreements) when they are together-
One fight and she is out of there? It sounds like there is something deeper going on. Either something she isn't telling you, or maybe something you aren't telling us? But is seems as if she is confused about her feelings. Maybe she just isn't ready to be in a serious relationship right now

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Sorry i meant

When we talked she said she still thinks of us and only of us, its just she wants to be single right now.

i'm a tad drunk right now. my roomie thought it would help. Obv not..

I hate to say this to you my friend... but that is a very classic break-up line heard all too many times. It goes deeper than she is leading on, and believe me goes farther back than that last fight you had. I know you think she is up front with you on everything, and I am sure she will tell you some brutally honest things... But when it comes to breakups people pick and chose what they want to say. This is her's and many others like her (guys included) way of letting you down as as nicely as she can. I have been without my ex for 5 months now, and she still to this day says to me the things your g/f is saying to you. That she is not sure if it is permanent... even after sleeping with one guy repeatedly and hooking up with many more... And you know what, I let her even after I heard all that string me a along a bit longer until I finally woke up and forever ended it myself.

As for you, you cannot contact her right now... I know it is killing you inside, trust me. You want to know if they slept together, whether they are getting together... whether this has been going on longer. BUT STOP YOURSELF RIGHT NOW FROM DOING ANY OF THAT. Fishing is brutal, you could find out things that will make you absolutely miserable. She is going to do what she wants to do regardless of you... remember that. So go no contact, and if she comes back to you than great, you can talk it out, and at that point (if she's bluntly honest like you said) will tell you what she did during that break... And then you can make your own judgment on whether you want to be in it any longer.

Listen, you are going to find out that brutal details eventually... it always gets back to you, especially in a college atmosphere. So let this info find you when it does... and guess what, maybe nothing did happen, and he did leave her dorm room like she said he was going to.

Iterrogating her will do nothing but push her farther away, so just leave her alone and don't contact her... It's up to her now and there is nothing you can do, so just live your life the best you can and try to move. And I regret having to tell you this... but its probably over, so I think you should look ahead and start the healing process... There are some great stickies at the top of the relationships page.. the NC calender is also a great place for constant help and encouragement while your going down that bumpy hellish road known as the breakup

Whatever happens happens, and no matter what that is you are going to be OK one day, I can promise you that!

[TrueFaith]

Oh wow I don't think anyone on her is going to tell you to try and make things work with her she has shown you no respect and even less for her self. How dare she. I thin you should tell her that you are 2 and best to no one and let her go back to making all her mistakes again and even if she isn't having sex with him she is stillbseeing him and she knows you don't like that leave her you do the leaving to be honest with her there are so manny better people out there for you

[Pezhead37]

All right I do want to get over this. I'm pretty sure in my mind I really want to get over this. I'm one of those movie life story people who believed in that 1 and only type thing. So I'm always going to remember her. We actually have the same major and share some of the same classes. She was going to help me out on recording my commercial for class because I'm an xfer student and I don't have many friends here yet. Should I still ask her to help me today?

+ I do want to get over it, it does seem she has no problem with it or at least no clear problem other than where I build up her emotion when I talk to her about it. Being a college student with no job I have a very low amount of consumable money and I lack a car. I checked out the things to do and I already do some of them but what about on the off times where I'm just in my room? I think about it 24/7 not just when I want to work out...

Breaks are the most ridiculous things in the world.

[talaniman]

Time to leave her alone, and get about building a life that you enjoy without her.

[Pezhead37]

Yeah I'm planning on it. I'm just limited on the things I can do to keep her out of my mind. I guess that's what I need help with. As corny as this sounds I just did one of the hardest things I had 2 do yet. I removed her from my "in a relationship" on Facebook and blocked her aim. I'm going to comehow try to film today with just me and my friend with no one working the camera.

Losing your one and only girlfriend is one thing, but losing your best friend who was 1 of your 2 actual friends hurts just as much. I keep going into mood swings. I'll read a post on here and I'll think I can do this, I'll do the no contact thing, I'll go about my life. Other moments I think if she didn't sleep with him or anything I can really trust her! But I know I shouldn't even think about that issue at all.

I'm asking two things.

1. If things were to work out eventually (and I'm not saying anytime soon nor am I counting on it) Should I bring up the ex boyfriend situation and see what happened that night? Or do I consider it part of the break time and Not question her past.

2. Her brother is one of my best friends in the world. He is just like me and I really don't want to break contact with him. Right now all we do is talk on aim since he's in our home town and I'm at purdue. Hes like my little brother, I took care of him and he took care of me. What do I do about this?

[wikedjuggalo]

I'm asking two things.

1. If things were to work out eventually (and I'm not saying anytime soon nor am i counting on it) Should i bring up the ex boyfriend situation and see what happened that night? Or do i consider it part of the break time and Not question her past.

2. Her brother is one of my best friends in the world. He is just like me and I really don't want to break contact with him. Right now all we do is talk on aim since hes in our home town and im at purdue. Hes like my little brother, I took care of him and he took care of me. What do i do about this?

The truth is she is having the "Grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.

1) Do not give yourself false hope. You should not sit around especially if she is out exploring the field. She is obviously not over her ex as per your post. I know you do not want to hear it but you need to let go. Hardly ever do breaks result in getting back together. Treat it as a break up. Get out and do things do not wallow.

2)I think you will be okay to talk to him so long as you do not bring up her. Leaving her out and not discussing the issues with him. It will probably be awkward for him. When me and my ex broke her little sister asked me to still remain friends with her as she wanted to. Occasionally she talks to me but I do not talk about my ex.

Good Luck.

[MarkwithaK]

Pezhead, this is coming from one Boilermaker to another:

1) If she realizes that she can hold you out on a string and get you twisted then what's to stop her from doing it again somewhere down the line? Just cut it loose, I know it is easier said than done. Get out and meet new people, do new things.

2)I'm sure her brother will be understanding about the situation. Just explain it to him.

[MsJulia]

Bottum line, if she loved you and wanted to be with you, then SHE WOULD BE WITH YOU. Trust me, I'm a girl, so I know. If I loved a guy and wanted to be with him, I would NEVER ask for "space", or second guess if I wanted to be single or not.

[Pezhead37]

So yep, I had class with her today. It was an exam and I finished and walked out. Didn't make eye contact or anything. I called up a local friend to tell her about it and say what all happened. When I got off the phone, poof, the ex comes out. Asks me if I was getting lunch. I said yes, you can come along if you want (we always ate together after the class).

I know you're all thinking this is a bad idea probably but yesterday was a great day for me, I thought about all the things I didn't get out of the relationship.

So I go to lunch with her and I eat and I don't event hink about us the whole time. I'm actually thinking about editing the film I just shot for my commercial and about the volleyball game tomorrow where my roomie's girlfriend is going to try to get me to meet this chick.

The ex could tell I was in friend mode and I asked how was your weekend. All she talked about is how she went out and drank at 3 bars on Friday, went to another bar on Saturday and all this jazz... This was one of the reasons we got into the fight that caused the break.

With that information all I could do is smile. I think I'm over it... it took only 3 days? Seems wrong but maybe I'm not really. Haha, guess time will tell.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

With that information all i could do is smile. I think im over it...it took only 3 days? seems wrong but maybe im not really. haha, guess time will tell.

Well probably not, but enjoy these good days, and remember them when you get down. My ex became quite the bar hound leading up to our break-up and after... And I got the same lines as you... "not sure if it's permanent.... need time to think" it's a load of bull. And you have to ask yourself if being with someone who can just do this is worth your time. If they can do it once than they can always do it again. Hope this good feeling you have continues!

[Romefalls19]

Drop her, having the other guy in her room, the dialogue stops once you knock on the door? Forget her, start living your life.

This relationship is over, and it should be. Why would you want to be with someone who can constantly change if she wants a relationship or not? Do you like being a yo-yo? I know I sure wouldn't

[Pezhead37]

I thought I was over it. Today wasn't a fun time for me. I was walking back up to campus from McDonalds and there I saw her at chipotles with some guy. I know she wasn't on a date, he was older and dressed in business-ish clothes. Just the idea of her with someone else, brought it all back. Why does she have to be in this immature stage. We could have had it all.

[Romefalls19]

She obviously didn't want it all, it wasn't meant to be. Just walk away and keep going, she isn't worth your time

[Pezhead37]

She sent me a text saying the following: "dom I hope you don't think that was a date or anything right? I will always love you and care for you too.

Me:i can't stand the idea of seeing you with another guy, it kills me.

Her: do you think we could be friends eventually?.

Me: no. I would never be content with you with someone else and I love you too much to be your friend.

Her: I wish it didn't have to be that way... but if we can't be friends then there's nothing ic an do...

Me: I'm sorry I think it is best this way. 1 of two things can happen. You get to live your single life and do what you need to and maybe you end up remembering what we had and want it back, or I eventually get over what has happened and get over the two years that we spent together and I won't have to watch you grow old without me

Her: OK... well I guess only time will tell then...



So what I get from this. She doesn't want to hurt me or she still has feelings for me and she really wants to just live out the rest of her college year a free spirit, or its over and she can't grow the balls to say its over.


Anyway I feel I did good with this. No more contact, no more anything. It's over in my eyes. I let her know I still love her and want to be with her so its up to her for that. But I will go on living my life. Tonight is the vball game my friend wants me to meet this girl.

[wikedjuggalo]

So what i get from this. She doesn't want to hurt me or she still has feelings for me and she really wants to just live out the rest of her college year a free spirit, or its over and she can't grow the balls to say its over.

.

Yeah basically its over and instead of being straightforward she is trying to let you down easy. Move on and be happy. Learn from the relationship and embrace the memories.

[Romefalls19]

Got to love the cowardice of some people, I would rather have my heart ripped out all at once than piece by piece over a long stretch of time.. but that's just me

[wikedjuggalo]

Gotta love the cowardice of some people, I would rather have my heart ripped out all at once than piece by piece over a long stretch of time..but that's just me

Yeah Tell me about it. I'd rather be shoved off a cliff then slowly lead up higher to be pushed off later.