[Myhearthasgone]

So.. I'm dating a guy who had sex before with other girls.
He already asked for it with me.
I don't know if I should stop this dating or just see what he is really like.
Any suggestions :confused:?

[barbiechick123]

I don't think you should dump him because he has had sex. Firstly, how old are you? Secondly, maybe all the girls he's slept with were ex girlfriends.. If you don't want to have sex with him don't, but don't dump him unless you just don't like his personality.

[Myhearthasgone]

Yes that's what I am thinking as well. I'm 14 soon 15.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just say no, and don't be pressured into sex. Some guys move from girl to girl to see how many they can "score" with.

How old is this guy

[Myhearthasgone]

He is 15 but soon 16. He is one year bigger than me.

[beautifullily]

This is something that you can only know if it is the right thing to do. If he has slept around with so many girls he is most likely a guy that wants to see how many girls he can have sex with. Try to move away from this guy because maybe someday you will meet someone you really love and wish you didn't have sex with this guy. Do the right thing.

[Myhearthasgone]

I don't know how many girls he slept with. He just told me he isn't a virgin.
I'm not thinking about having sex with him.

[JBeaucaire]

I'm not thinking about having sex with him.

There you go, just tell him that in those exact words. "I'm not thinking about having sex with you." Then change the subject nonchalantly.

[Alty]

Don't ever let someone rush you into sex. Of course he asked you to have sex with him, he's a teenage boy, he's had sex, now he wants more. That doesn't mean you have to be the next notch on his bedpost.

If you tell him no and he leaves, then at least you know what he's all about before you get any further into this relationship.

Good luck.

[Myhearthasgone]

So.. I'm back here.
I got to know that all the girls he's slept with weren't ex girlfriends.
He still does it with a girl he picks because he told me.
He is being very honest with me... and he says that he doesn't want to lie to me and bring me down.

He asked me to start a relationship with him and he promised that he would stop doing this going around with every girl.

If it was you, would you trust him?

[JBeaucaire]

Have you ever heard this story:

The Turtle and the Scorpion

A scorpion, being a very bad swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on its back across a river.

"Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."

"My dear turtle," exalted the scorpion, "If I was to sting you, you would drown and I'd go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"

"You're right," said the turtle. "Hop on."

The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting.

As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle asked, "Before I die, I must ask you something? You said there is no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?"

"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion replied. "It's just my nature."

The fable of the turtle and the scorpion is referenced in today's popular culture to illustrate the irrepressible nature of one's self at its basic level.

The truth revealed is that a person will “usually” remain consistent in their deeds, words and actions based on their past history. (Their nature)
==========
I know you want to believe he'll be different. And he may be. Human nature indicates he most likely won't. Even if it costs him something in the end, he will most likely remain true to his nature.

So, do you want to be the turtle that knows better and takes the scorpion on her back anyway? It is totally up to you.

This isn't about trust. You already know not to trust him. If you start 'dating' him, you still won't trust him.

This is about risk-management. You two will break up at some point in the future over something, perhaps you find it comforting to know in advance what it will be.

You don't HAVE to believe the scorpion, but you can choose to.

Last thought, when he does betray you, who are you going to be mad at... him or you? Getting mad at him would be pretty pointless.

[Myhearthasgone]

I must know better than this I know.I'm very responsible and whatever but I have just got dumped and I really need somebody to love me or better say I need to feel loved.
I know he will hurt me but it's like I don't care about myself anymore ='(.
I'm feeling very bad about it.

[beautifullily]

Myhearthasgone - This boy will do whatever it takes to get to you. Some boys will even tell you they love you and want to start a life with you, I know this because this has happened to me many times and when they didn't get what they want they left. Respect yourself. Respect your body. You are better than this and there is always something out there for you. Focus on yourself and making yourself a better person try not to focus on relationships and having to be with someone, I know a lot of people tend to like to put more focus on being with someone and they eventually loose themselves.

[JBeaucaire]

You need YOU to love you enough to not jump into a maelstrom of bad for the one little benefit you get from it. It's like doing drugs... you DO feel really good right after you do them, but they are meanwhile doing permanent damage to you under the hood.

The cure you're considering is worse than the symptom you're trying to ease. Being alone hurts. Heck, I get that! We all do. But being with a guy you already know is going to hurt you in a big way... I hope you love and respect yourself enough to not choose this particular drug.

Feeling bad isn't the end of the world. It's a mighty tough chapter in your life, but it's not the last chapter.

[Myhearthasgone]

He said he loves me but I'm not that out of my mind to believe it.
Yes it feels BAD and a loooootttttttt =[
I never get to find the person who really love me :(

[JBeaucaire]

That's because you're looking for someone to GIVE you love. You're looking in the wrong direction.

You should be looking for someone you can admire, respect and stand next to GIVING love. That's the definition of happiness... being able to give love to someone you admire.

Getting it BACK... well, that's just ecstasy!

[Myhearthasgone]

I know a lot of people tend to like to put more focus on being with someone and they eventually loose themselves.

I feel like I'm losing myself already :(

[beautifullily]

Jbeaucaire - Your not a relationship expert as well? :) Well to you myhearthasgone, you are looking for love in the wrong places like I said. It will come to you. I have been in that place when boys told me they love me, and of course I never believed it, the good thing is I always knew who I was through all that. Where do you feel like you lost yourself?

[templelane]

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19. Was I lonely? No, I was too busy for that with my schoolwork, job and volunteering, societies and sport.

When I went to uni I had loads to talk about because I'd done so much stuff I had guys hanging on my every word and I didn't need to try. (OK I sound a bit like an egotistical arse here but you'll have to take my word.)

This is because people who have a life and do things are more attractive. Love finds you when you are not looking for it, when you are too busy living life.

You need to get out there and do thing, contribute, take part, work hard. And then you won't be sad and lonely, or needing love. You need to love what you do and love yourself first before you even think about relationships.

Life too short to waste it moping after a snake (or scorpion!)

[hjpan]

NO.

Don't have sex with him.

If he's 15 and has had sex with a lot of girls, that shows he's a shallow douche who just wants to get laid.