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Lost4 · Oct 2, 2008, 10:04 AM

Can someone explain this to me though... she showed no remores, sadness or anything. She has acted like the relationship never happened apparently. This is what her family tells me. ( I work with them)How does someone do that after 4 years and a proposal? The day after it happened, she told her family she had moved on and even they thought she was crazy. Im moving on but I would think she is going to realize the grass isn't greener on the other. But maybe not, who knows

talaniman · Oct 2, 2008, 10:12 AM

What is a shock to you has taken a while to become reality for her. She didn't just wake up, and make a choice, a lot of thought went into this before you found out. The shock will pass. Get busy.

Lost4 · Oct 2, 2008, 10:21 AM

I know she was probably thinking about this for a while but remember that she took the ring I bought when she found it and proposed to me only a month or so before this. Begged me to marry her... told her family it was such a big mistake her freakling out a year agao and she wished she could take it back... and then left? The whole move on thing after a day or so is nuts.

Dare81 · Oct 2, 2008, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by Lost4

i know she was probably thinking about this for a while but remember that she took the ring i bought when she found it and proposed to me only a month or so before this. begged me to marry her...told her family it was such a big mistake her freakling out a year agao and she wished she could take it back....and then left? The whole move on thing after a day or so is nuts.

I really don't think it matters why she did all that, what matters is that you move on, and learn from this experience.My and ex broke up after 9 years. There are people in worse situtation then yours. If I can try to move on after 9 years you can too after 4.
Good Luck

BMI · Oct 2, 2008, 01:18 PM

I agree with dare on this one.

What she did a year ago or 5 days before you broke up or whatever is not going to change anything. Her actions don't make sense to you nor do they to many here, only she will know what her thought process was/is.

As for her showing no emotion and appearing to not care, I doubt she does not care. Perhaps she did prepare for this a while back but then she was hurting back then as opposed to now. Everyone appears to have moved on, if I saw my ex I certainly seem like I couldn't care less and I bet she'd do the same. Its just not wanting to show weakness. She cares, may not change a thing but she was not in this for the fun of it.

Lost4 · Oct 7, 2008, 03:04 AM

Its been 2 months now and she hasn't called or texted me once. With everyone experience in these situations, is this normal to leave and then ignore for this long? I'm just curious or if she is just that cold blooded.

talaniman · Oct 7, 2008, 05:42 AM

Maybe someone told her to do the same thing we told you to do, leave each other alone, and heal.

Its normal to wonder how an ex feels. Its part of the process, but don't assume anything. Just focus on getting your own act together, and let her do the same.

busterite · Oct 7, 2008, 05:43 AM

Each person deals with it in a different way. You should be glad she hasn't called because that would just cause more confusion for you. You still cannot accept the fact that she is gone and its best if you guys don't have any contact until you have truly managed to move on. You might never find out why she left and why she is dealing with it this way. And the longer you spend trying to analyse it the longer it will take for you to move on.

Lost4 · Oct 7, 2008, 09:54 AM

I understand and I have gone NC for almost a month now. The problem is that I do not want to move on because I want her back. You can't force yourself to not want someone else. The word "move on" is thrown around too much on this site. I can try not to think about her but she'll always be there in my head that we should be married.

busterite · Oct 7, 2008, 10:57 AM

You can't force yourself to not want someone else.

You are right. But you can accept someone else's decision not wanting to be with you. That's why you need to stay away from her. You need time to accept the fact that she is gone. You might feel like you should be together but she doesn't. And as harsh as it may sound you will have to respect and accept her decision. This will take time and won't be easy but you will get through it.

BMI · Oct 7, 2008, 11:35 AM

Move on maybe used a lot but there is a damn good reason for it bud.

Either move on and she doesn't come back OR stay exactly where you are and she doesn't come back. Even if she does come back I'd still prefer the former just in case.

It makes no sense now, but it will. Anything you do now in terms of forcing this you will regret very shortly, trust me on that! Unless of course you think you are the exeption.

Dare81 · Oct 7, 2008, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by Lost4

i understand and i have gone NC for almost a month now. The problem is that i do not want to move on because i want her back. You can't force yourself to not want someone else. The word "move on" is thrown around too much on this site. I can try not to think about her but she'll always be there in my head that we should be married.

It really does not matter if you want to move on or not. The fact of the matter she did, and you have to deal with this.Now you can make it easier on yourself my doing things that will help you get over her or you can waste a couple of years of your life crying over her, trying to get her back.She probably won't come back to you, even if she does it would not be the same. Your are missing something that was, it is not there anymore.
Good Luck

talaniman · Oct 7, 2008, 05:12 PM

Lost4;1309546, I understand and I have gone NC for almost a month now. The problem is that I do not want to move on because I want her back.

That would be great, IF SHE FELT THE SAME WAY, but since she doesn't this is a one way street.

You can't force yourself to not want someone else.

Yes you can if you have to, and in this case you have to. She doesn't feel the same as you, and you have no control over her feelings, thoughts, or actions. Your in denial.

The word "move on" is thrown around too much on this site.

Thats what a human tells another when they are stuck in there own fantasy and reality is where they should be. Especially when they are in denial, and refuse to face reality.

I can try not to think about her but she'll always be there in my head that we should be married.

Over time you will get on with your life, as hard as it is for you to believe that now, and you will find your own happiness, when the shock, and hurt, settles in. Then you can move on, but until then, its gonna hurt like heck. We all have felt that pain, and understand the place your at now. It gets better later!

MarkwithaK · Oct 7, 2008, 07:05 PM

2 things:

#1. It is over. Move on, get over it or deal with it, whatever terminology you choose to use.

#2. You should have kept the ring. Better for you to pawn it then for her to. Could have bought you some liquid therapy lol.

hellonasty · Oct 8, 2008, 12:55 AM

It'll start feeling better in time. I'm 3 or so months into my breakup (almost 10 years together). In the beginning her image was banging in my head every second for weeks and I couldn't stop feeling weak. But even in this short time the pain is becoming less and less frequent. There are still moments where I think about her - but I am beginning to see the light and you will too.

You two broke up. It just wasn't meant to be for now or forever- who knows. Not even you can predict this. She was her own person before she met you and she is once again her own person and you will NEVER EVER figure her out. It's a lost cause. You'll spin your wheel continuously trying to figure it all out.

Work on accepting it and move on with your life, as hard as it may be. You have no choice but to get past this.

Life is short.. enjoy it while you have it. The sun WILL shine another day and as soon as you see this things will start falling into place.

You are not alone in this. Some people have had it worse and some not.. but most of us here have experienced this pain to some degree. Absorb the things you read here.. don't just fluff it off like "yeah, but MY situation is different... it just doesn't make sense because etc etc."

Lost4 · Oct 8, 2008, 03:59 AM

Thank you all. I'm trying.

Guidostern · Oct 8, 2008, 07:05 AM

It's all right man... the thing you have to realize is that we have ALL experienced or are experiencing the same thing...

I want to call my ex so bad that I can't see straight... Her brother still calls me and talks to me, my friends talk to her and tell me things, and everyone says that she's happy... we were together 5 years, engaged in 03/08 and then she gave me the ring back because I wouldn't change professions. Things got rocky, we split for about a week, and then were together for about another 1.5 months... then she asked me to leave...

She was telling me that she missed me and everything for the first 3 or 4 days... asking me why I did this to us and how I should be there with her... and then on day 5 it stops and I find out that she's sleeping with someone else... so man, it happens... is there hope for you guys? Sure, there could be, but don't bank on it... Those cases are just once in a blue moon... I know that my ex will probably never come back, does it hurt like hell? Yeah, it does... but it's something that I have to live with, even if I don't want to... this is because I love her so much, that I would rather know that she is happy, even if it is with someone else, rather than being miserable with me...

BMI · Oct 8, 2008, 07:46 AM

I think all three of you guys (last 3 posters) should communicate with each other. Seems as if you are more or less in the same stage.

Everyone here has been through it but it really does help to converse with those that are right where you are and encourage each other.

I tell you guys, I hated feeling like you do, drove me mad. Came here and asked all kinds of things and started all kinds of arguments over getting her back, everyone was right but me. You don't want that.

Lost4 · Dec 1, 2008, 11:46 AM

Just to keep you all up to date since I'm sure it will help others reading it. I did not receive any contact for over 3 months and my friends told me one day that she posted on Facebook that she is now in a relationship. And has been for over a month now. Seems to me like she was cheating but I then received an email from her because her family apparently yelled at her for posted it on Facebook so quickly. In the email she told me to stop making her look evil and that she will never contact me again. Little harsh huh? Considering I haven't even hooked up with anyone since it happened.

I work with her family and when I saw Facebook, I asked her brother in law if it was true and none of them knew apparently so they all questioned her that night I guess. She obviously thought I was having full out conversations with them about her which I haven't but I guess she felt stupid and then wrote me an email. She said it's the last time she will ever contact me again and to stop making her look evil. By the way, this was the first contact she has had with me since the day she just got up and walked out. So, see fellas, I am hurt beyond belief and still sadly hold hope which is horrible but some women are just heartless. Once they are done, they don't care if you get run over by a truck, they are done.