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seahippie · Sep 26, 2008, 04:35 PM

Hi,
Im not sure what drove me to this site... but I think a lot of tears had something to do with it. Last night as I was talking to my mum on the phone she started to talk about my sisters new baby... how shed never seen a baby so beautiful... how she feels such a deep connection for her... how she's never felt this way about a child ever before blahblah...
Ive had 4 of her grandchildren and there is no regognition about them...
There is only me and my sister... whenever mum remembers anything.. its always about my sister.. and anything 'cool' I did as a kid is always remembered as if my sister did it! My mum said to me.. "I dont remember anything about the first one"... while she's talking to the 'first one' (me)!! I mean she would laugh when my dad was beating me... can't she be nice now?. I just don't understand why she would tell me her new gchild is the best thing ever... when I have 4 of her g'kids... I just don't understand...
Thanks for listening... Seahippie

liz28 · Sep 26, 2008, 06:29 PM

Your mother sounds really cruel. She shouldn't make you feel that way nor do that to her kids. I can't explain why she does it but it's a reason behind it, but only she knows.

Do you and your sister share the same dad? The reason I ask this because if your do you might look like your dad and she represent you in the process.

I know of a person who is in the same situation and no matter what she does her mom never give her a break. Now she got her masters, a home, husband, and child. Her sister has nothing but a child and that's it but her mom gives her sister all the praise. She never even acknowlegde her getting her masters and her mom talk so much about the sister to where you think she was the only child. There's was many times she cried to me and our friends about this and eventually she stop looking for her mother support in anything. You know she told us she got a hug and felt love from her mother growing up? She even calls my mother mom and her mother by her first name and just gave up on her but still is respectful towards her. It is sad also because when her mother get sick she is the first and only one by her side while the sister is no where to be found but yet the mom still praise her.

Just don't be that way with your kids, and I doubt you will. No matter what you do or say to your mom, most likely she'll continue this behavior. Have you confronted her about your feelings? Most likely if you do to her it will look like a sign of jealousy. I wished your mom wasn't like this but we can't choose our mothers. One day she will reflect on how she treated you.

seahippie · Sep 26, 2008, 07:12 PM

Thanks liz28! I appreciate your answer... I feel better. Its probably time I put my family behind me now. Im the one who rings... I try to please them... suppose I just want to be loved by my parents. But its never going to happen.
I like what your friend has done... shes found a surrogate mum... great idea.
Anyway thanks again..

liz28 · Sep 26, 2008, 07:22 PM

Yep, she has a surrogate mom in my mom. It is sad that it must come to this and you have to beg for love when you should be given it naurally because you're their daughter. Look at it this way, at least you have a family with your husband and kids and if you can't get love from anywhere else you will always get and be love by them.

ShaunCurtis · Sep 26, 2008, 07:35 PM

I once had a friend whose mother ignored her and always put her down. And no matter what she did for her mother it wasn't enough. Well one day my friend got angry at her mother and started to beat her with a frying pan asking her why she didn't love her. Her mother confessed that had done things in her life that she wasn't proud of, and that her daughter was the product of a really ugly affair that ended in her husbands death. So every time she looked at her daughter she was reminded of her husband and the pain that she put him through and the pain that she has to live with for the rest of her life. I think you should ask your mother why she treats you that way before it becomes more serious than it already is.

seahippie · Sep 26, 2008, 08:25 PM

OMG beaten with a frypan... I can't help but find that funny even though its terribly wrong... My mum totally avoids any confrontation and allways talks about birds or plants... never people.
Like I was saying to her how her g'son (my son) is turning 21 and I was discussing what I would get him for his 21st... she said get him some t-shirts... geez... I think something is missing in her brain...