[starbuck8]

I'm glad it worked out that way Liz. That is great for everyone involved!

[liz28]

Actually, I did read your post and read it more than once. Even though you didn't single anyone out, you did use the phrase "you all" and to me if anything the first paragraph was in referring to me so I responsed back.

Again, I never tried to cause problems. Also, you did say something about the date and to me you was talking about our wedding date. In the end, everything is water under the bridge and I never intended to use under handed tactics, like you said, to get married until she did what she did. Was we suppose to keep telling her our wedding date for her to keep pulling another trick? She knew that we wanted their son there but she didn't and she already admitted to doing this.

Besides that, thanks again for your comment.

Southern, thank you too and I really hope that she meant what she said because I truly want everyone to get along.

[ruthmarx]

OMG! I have so been there. I married my husband 17 years ago. His children were so stuck in the middle. They are grown now and we are g-parents now.
My husbands ex is insane!! She has just separated from her fourth H and is living with her mother. She has no money. No job. I can't tell you how many vacations my h and I planned only to have ruined at the last minute because she changed her mind about which weekend she wanted the kids. It didn't matter about routine or schedule. She always was in a panic about something. But I can tell you that if you hold true to yourself and to your love, the children will come out OK. Both of my steps have since told me how nice it is to come to my house where things are calm and there is not hate. I wish that I could say that was always the case! Believe me! I didn't always feel that way!I would get so mad at my H's ex that I had to go to my own room - I put myself in timeout! But those feelings are for me and my h to discuss. When we lost our money for airline tickets because she never picked up the kids, that wasn't the kids fault - but believe me I was mad. When the child support check didn't arrive for 10 months (yes, she paid us - or didn't pay us - whichever the case), and we owed the orthodontist (that SHE hired!), I was mad! But not at the kids. I wish that I has said that to them more often. I just assumed that they didn't know that I was mad - but they did. Just be open. Say your mad, or disappointed or frustrated or happy or proud! Feel the whole spectrum.
Trust your instincts! I tell you that from my experience. I remember, the ex convinced the oldest girl to have a daily phone date after school. This was in the 7th grade - tought age. So the girl refused to go out for any sports or afterschool activities. She was home every day by 3:45. Now, most people wouldn't mind - knowing where the child is everyday. But the ex would just get the girl wound up! The ex would talk bad about the dad and about me. They would be one the phone until I got home from work at 5:30. When I walked in, you could have cut the anger with a knife. The girl would just radiat anger and ruin the evening. For a while, we blamed it on hormones. We tried to get her to do something after school. In retrospect, this was her only connection t her mom.
At some point, the child will pick up on the games, too. For instance, my s-son was 10 and begged and begged to go out for football. We agreed but he had to walk home from school (one block), get his uniform and walk to the park (back a block to acrsoss from the school). We walked this block often, to the corner store, to the park. All the time. I made him a snack in the fridge. One week later, we had a knock on the door from social services. WE were neglecting HIM! It turns out that when he walked home, he would call up the ex and tell her that he was scared to walk one block. She called social services. He cried and cried when we took him out of football and he went right back to day care!! That was the last time he ever played that game. The bad part is he has trust issues to this day.
I wish I could tell you that once the children turn 18, dealing with the ex is over. It's not. She is still pulling her little 'tricks' now on her own children over the g-child! Parents are parents and steps are steps. It's OK to say, 'this is what I want' and 'this is not what I want'. Remember your heart , keep in it a good place, and you'll be OK.