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nelly2185 · Sep 25, 2008, 03:01 PM

My husband left me for another women back in April. This other women happens to be a very disrespected women. She has 3 kids from 3 different men. She works a graveyard shift with my husband and leaves the kids with her 16 year old. The other 2 children are 14 and 10. I know for a fact the 16 year has run away 2 different times. So she leaves them all night while at work and then spends the rest of the next day with my husband. She has taught her kids that sleeping with married men is OK. (She told me that) She never spends any time with her kids. My emotions are just trying to get even right now. So I just wanted to get other peoples opinion on whether I should turn her in? And if they would do anything given the age of the children? I, for one, know this is no one I would want my kids around, but I thought I'd ask what other people thought. This also happens to be the 4th marriage she has split up.

rockinmommy · Sep 25, 2008, 03:08 PM

It sounds to me like your motive is revenge. (Don't totally blame you.) Usually, that's not a good reason to do something.

If you honestly have a concern for the children's welfare you could certainly make a report to Child Protective Services. In my opinionand experience... they probably won't do anything. Mainly because the system is SO overwhelmed there are probably many children in a worse scenario than these kids are.

Also, CPS is fairly used to people making reports because of personal conflicts - an attempt at revenge. So if they find out who you are in the scenario your report is likely to get less attention.

Bluerose · Sep 25, 2008, 03:18 PM

Sounds to me like this is how those kids are used to living. I don't think they will thank you for interfering. But you could have a chat with the oldest just to make sure they are okay with things as they are. Forget revenge. Anyone planning revenge should begin by digging two graves. It only brings heaps of problems down on your head. The best revenge is living well and happy.

liz28 · Sep 25, 2008, 03:50 PM

Calling cps is suppose to be for the interest of the child, not because a person dislike the parent. Many people works the night shift and leave their oldest in charge if they feel they're mature enough. Also, many people raise they kids different ways and I just hope when the child becomes an adult they can see and able to figure out right from wrong. Her telling her kids it's okay to sleep with married men is wrong but you also have people raising their kids to be bullies,disrespectful, racist,etc.

I think you can get over she took your husband but he played a role in that too. You need to move past it and in time she'll get what's coming to her. Focus on yourself and heal and worry about your life and self, that's the only thing you can't control.

JudyKayTee · Sep 25, 2008, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by nelly2185

My husband left me for another women back in april. This other women happens to be a very disrespected women. She has 3 kids from 3 different men. She works a graveyard shift with my husband and leaves the kids with her 16 year old. The other 2 children are 14 and 10. I know for a fact the 16 year has run away 2 different times. So she leaves them all night while at work and then spends the rest of the next day with my husband. She has taught her kids that sleeping with married men is ok. (She told me that) She never spends any time with her kids. My emotions are just trying to get even right now. So I just wanted to get other peoples opinion on whether or not I should turn her in? And if they would do anything given the age of the children? I, for one, know this is no one I would want my kids around, but I thought I'd ask what other people thought. This also happens to be the 4th marriage she has split up.

You posted in July that you left him in April. Now you've posted that he left you in April. I have no idea which is the truth.

What are you planning to turn her in for? A 16 year old is legally able to baby sit.

The law does not enforce morals, such as sleeping (or not sleeping) with married men.

Your husband betrayed you. She did not. Your anger should be directed at him, not her. She never made any vows with you. He did.

My thought is that he lied to you, he betrayed you - she owed you no loyalty. Women had GOT to stop getting angry with each other while the man who betrayed one and possibly both of them stands by passively.

But, again, I'm not sure what the truth is here.

JudyKayTee · Sep 25, 2008, 05:06 PM

[QUOTE=Comments on this post: nelly2185 disagrees: first, You are implying that I am a liar. My husband said that I spent all his money (he didn't make enough to spend it) & I left. When I tried to work it out for my kids sake I found out what she was doing. 2nd she is just as much to blame as him.[QUOTE]

I'm not implying anything. I'm referring to today's post ("“My husband left me for another women back in April.”) and your July 24th posts ("I moved out with my 3 kids.” "He has been paying the bill since April when I left.") They appear contradictory to me.

You had the same question - and got well thought out answers - in July. How to keep your children away from this "very disrespected women." Two months later you're still working on the same question.

And I stand by my original statement - the other woman owed you nothing, had no responsibility to you, wasn't the parent of your children. I'm not saying she's a nice or moral person - but I am saying he's a cheater and he cheated on you. She didn't cheat on you - she never took any vows with you.

No woman pulls out a gun and forces a married man to be with her. No other person "leads the husband" astray. He managed to do it all by himself.

You are angry with her, you are angry with me - and he walks off, scott free.

Like it or not, that's how it sounds to me.

And, to repeat my question - you want to know if you should turn her in. For what?

liz28 · Sep 25, 2008, 05:29 PM

Nelly, it doesn't who left who. The only things that matter are your boys and you. Move on and stop focus on your ex is with or the girl past nor kids. Being concern about what their doing is unhealthy and can take over your life. You want to get past this and in time she will get what is coming and so will he. Just move on and hopefully you will find someone in the future that will do right by you and your boys. Let go the anger and channel it in a different way. Calling cps won't her but will only hurt the kids and most likely nothing will happen, unless they're being abuse or harms way. Life goes on so go on with it.

Ash123 · Sep 25, 2008, 05:43 PM

The good news is you are free of her.

The bad news is she is a terrible parent...

I am not sure if protective services would intervene or not at this point but I am someone who thinks abusive or neglective parents are the sickest creatures on earth. Is she one? Sounds close. If you have a case, and you are only a stranger so it would be tough. If so, and you want a piece of it, go for it. Your life will be miserable too, but if you consider it your life calling go for it... It will be nothing less than a herculean effort to achieve that as an outsider - but try if you wish.

NowWhat · Sep 26, 2008, 04:07 PM

The last thing you want to do is look like a woman scorned. And that is exactly what you will look like if you call Children services. They will probably do nothing, because the woman is not doing anything wrong. Legally anyway.

If you don't want your kids around her... contact a lawyer and see what your options are.

iDish · Sep 27, 2008, 07:49 AM

Sorry but she's technically not doing anything Illegal. In America, a child 8 and over is allowed to be left alone at home. No it is not the best idea to do but it's legal. These days, both parents are working to make ends meet so the law has taken people like that into consideration. Especially when child care is so expensive. And you can't call the police because someone is raising their children in a irresponsible fashion. Sleeping with married men is morally wrong but it's not illegal. And it's just as much the man's fault as it is the woman's. So, even though you don't agree with her methods of raising children, as long as she's not doing anything illegal there is nothing much that you can do except live your live and pray nothing bad happens to those kids. Now if she starts teaching her kids illegal trades like prostitution or drug distribution and you dig up evidence, THEN you could probably call the police.

JudyKayTee · Sep 27, 2008, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by iDish

Sorry but she's technically not doing anything Illegal. In America, a child 8 and over is allowed to be left alone at home. No it is not the best idea to do but it's legal. These days, both parents are working to make ends meet so the law has taken people like that into consideration. Especially when child care is so expensive. And you can't call the police because someone is raising their children in a irresponsible fashion. Sleeping with married men is morally wrong but it's not illegal. And it's just as much the man's fault as it is the woman's. So, even though you don't agree with her methods of raising children, as long as she's not doing anything illegal there is nothing much that you can do except live your live and pray nothing bad happens to those kids. Now if she starts teaching her kids illegal trades like prostitution or drug distribution and you dig up evidence, THEN you could probably call the police.

I am not aware of any law in the US that states that a child 8 and over can be left alone at home. This has been researched at great length for the legal board. Unfortunately "the law" has not taken working parents into consideration and it's a big problem in many States, latch key kids included.

If you have a citation or case law I'd appreciate if you would post it.

Otherwise as far as immoral and illegal are concerned, I totally agree with you.

iDish · Sep 27, 2008, 08:02 AM

Amily Law Article, § 5-801, provides:
(a) A person who is charged with the care of a child under the age of 8 years may not allow the child to be locked or confined in a dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle while the person charged is absent and the dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle is out of the sight of the person charged unless the person charged provides a reliable person at least 13 years old to remain with the child to protect the child.
(b) A person who violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor and on conviction is subject to a fine not exceeding $500 or imprisonment not exceeding 30 days, or both.

JudyKayTee · Sep 27, 2008, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by iDish

amily Law Article, § 5-801, provides:
(a) A person who is charged with the care of a child under the age of 8 years may not allow the child to be locked or confined in a dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle while the person charged is absent and the dwelling, building, enclosure, or motor vehicle is out of the sight of the person charged unless the person charged provides a reliable person at least 13 years old to remain with the child to protect the child.
(b) A person who violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor and on conviction is subject to a fine not exceeding $500 or imprisonment not exceeding 30 days, or both.

This section says nothing about it being legal to leave children unattended at age 8 - it says that a child under age 8 cannot be locked or confined or left alone in a motor vehicle... unless there is a person of at least 13 years of age with the child. It argues against what you have posted.

You are misreading this Section of the Law and it's not a US Statute, it's Maryland law.

iDish · Sep 27, 2008, 08:09 AM

She's Got a 16 year old daughter watching the younger children so it's fine to leave them alone. However I DO need to know what state the author lives in in order to answer your question properly. But I know that 8 is the limit in pretty much all the states. For how long may very. But that's why I need to know what state she lives in.

JudyKayTee · Sep 27, 2008, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by iDish

She's Got a 16 year old daughter watching the younger children so it's fine to leave them alone. However I DO need to know what state the author lives in in order to answer your question properly. But I know that 8 is the limit in pretty much all the states. For how long may very. But that's why I need to know what state she lives in.

I was addressing what you first said: "In America, a child 8 and over is allowed to be left alone at home. No it is not the best idea to do but it's legal. These days, both parents are working to make ends meet so the law has taken people like that into consideration."

Illinois and Maryland are the only two States that have passed laws regarding the minimum age for leaving children alone as well as what time is involved. In the others, there are suggested guidelines. It's on a case by case basis and a parent CAN be charged with neglect if a child is left alone and is injured or if the parent is reported. Will the charge stick? Only a Judge can tell a parent that.

I believe there is a law in Canada and the age is 12 or 13.

There is no "pat" answer.

iDish · Sep 27, 2008, 08:20 AM

Well either way, whether that's true or not, the woman is leaving her children with a 16 year old and therefore is still not doing anything illegal. I still think that 8 is the legal age but I will wait until the author tells me her state. And then I will get back to you on it.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 27, 2008, 08:21 AM

The only "pat" answer is that this women is mad and wants revenge, she is looking at reporting someone to CPS for really no reason at all.

So the real answer here is for this women to get counseling and move on with her life.

iDish · Sep 27, 2008, 08:29 AM

Well no need to talk down about the poster. I'd be mad too. I wouldn't go so far as to try and dig up dirt on the woman who caused me emotional pain. But I'd be mad. So don't judge her for feeling the way that she does.

N0help4u · Nov 30, 2008, 05:19 PM

It is legal for 16 year olds to watch children. I see nothing illegal here BUT if the 16 yr old is irresponsible and takes off leaving the
Kids alone then the woman can be reported or even charged if there is a problem, but with 10 and 14 they are even allowed to be home alone for certain periods.

I don't even see where it says anything in the OP about an 8 year old anyway.

She is not doing anything illegal and if she is I know a ton of women just like her that should be in trouble too.
Children's Services would see it as unfounded and not do anything.