Check out some similar questions!

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:07 AM

Hi guys

I recently broke up with my fiancé wait he left me on this time I had a misccarage too. I really love him and want to work things out but he has not made any contact with me what so ever. The only explanation he has given me is that he does not allow any one to get to close and I did. And then he left

Please help me

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:09 AM

Can I ask how old u and your partner are

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:10 AM

Hi I am 23 years of age and he will be 30 In Jan. I know this might be cheesy aksing for help on line... I just feel like a complete failure I have no friends or family to talk to no one understands

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:13 AM

No it isn't cheesy. I find sometimes it helps more than talking to someone you know as you have more chance of someone experiencing the same thing. It sounds as though he has somekind of commitment issue. Do you mind me asking how long ago the miscarriage was. I only ask because me and my partner lost our twins a few months back and I found we drifted apart for a while as being around him reminded me of what we had lost. Also has he had many long term relationships before or a marriage

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:15 AM

This happened the 7/9/08 this year. I know he got hurt badly in his prev long term rel - but I'm nothing like her. I treat him with respect and love I honestly care for this man with all my heart. And I pray daily to God that he will only open up his eyes. I feel like a failure completley miserable

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:18 AM

You shouldn't feel like a failure as it seems this is an issue he has about being close to someone and getting hurt. He needs to get some help to deal with these thoughts he has about that and the best thing you can do is be patient. I know its upsetting but this is something he needs to realise is a problem. Do you have any mutual friends or speak to any of his family

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:20 AM

Since the brake up - they all ran to his side. I loved his sister but after I had the miscarage they all felt I tried keeping him in this relationship with a child. No the baby is gone and so are they

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:24 AM

I really feel for you as I had the same problem with my ex. I know you won't like what I'm going to say but I feel you should move on. If he gets his head together and really loves you he will come back and then like I said you could suggest him seeking help for his non commitment issue. Maybe you could also speak with someone like a counsellor as I know how hard it can be to lose a baby and then have a relationship breakdown

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:27 AM

That's the thing move on - where do you begin if everything you builded was together do I move out of the flat. Do I never go to the shops anymore cause I'm to scared to see him there. Do I quite being me... so that he can carry on and pretend that nothing happened

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:31 AM

This is just his way of dealing with things and could be down to the miscarriage. My partner refused to talk about it and wanted to carry on as normal. He finally realised that wasn't my way of coping but it took a while. People are all very complicated and every one is different when it comes to coping. If u see him in the street just hold your head up high and smile even if it is a fake smile . As far as moving out goes, if u want to stay they stay unless u want to get away from there. Is the flat in both your names

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:34 AM

The flat is in my name... I hear what you are saying and thanks - right now I just feel like I can't do anything - I'm dead within this is the time I need him the most and he runs off... I wish he would just wake up and smell the coffe. Thanks for listening

amanda-kym · Sep 25, 2008, 03:37 AM

You are welcome I'm sorry if anything sounded harsh but its only because I've been there and I know what its like. Things will get better I promise u. if you ever need to talk just message me. Don't feel like you are alone

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 03:40 AM

Thanks
At least your partner is still there

talaniman · Sep 25, 2008, 05:59 AM

You may feel bad now, but as you heal emotionally, and spiritually, you will see how finding out the true nature of those around you, and getting them out of your life is truly a blessing in disguise, and has freed you from future misery with them.

Let yourself heal, and then you can regroup, and rebuild, and be a better person for it, in the long run.

Sorry for your loss, but it will get much better.

diamond75 · Sep 25, 2008, 10:04 AM

Sweetie, Just went through something similar. Let him go is easier said than done!! Trust me I know. You're going to want to call him and check up on him, but realize that will make it harder for you to get over him and the resentment and anger you feel towards him will double. I don't suggest you try to completely get over him yet. Wait a little while, do some thinking about whether this isor could be a pattern with him. Show him your indifference and it will make a difference!

DonaldM_23 · Sep 25, 2008, 10:09 AM

Here is a question I have for you. You mention that you had a miscarrage, was he ready to have a child.

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 10:05 PM

Hi guys are you ever ready for a child
- Diamond I haven't contacted him since - but this is heart breaking cause in this time I need him the most. Now Im not just dealing with the loss of my fiancé that left wich is hard as is - but now I need to cope and moarn the death of a child

talaniman · Sep 25, 2008, 10:12 PM

Just take your own time for yourself. Do you have friends or family?

Bella E · Sep 25, 2008, 10:20 PM

Or the friends left with him...
And my family is not supportive

Homegirl 50 · Sep 26, 2008, 01:15 AM

Sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I've been there and know the pain.
As far as the guy is concerned, you cannot make him be something he is not, or feel something he doesn't. And if he has left you under these circumstances with no emotional support, this is just a foretaste of what life would like be with him.
Give yourself time to heal from the loss of your child, concentrate on you, maybe do some grief counseling. As you do this, I think what you feel for him will fade or at least this desperation you are feeling will dissipate a bit. Sounds to me like he is not worth it anyway.
It never ceases to amaze me that women will feel worthless and feel like a failure when a no good man leaves them. If you were worthless and a failure he would still be there sucking you dry.
It could also be that he was not ready for parenthood, was not ready for that kind of commitment so he left. Either way, you two were just not a match.