[smileybiker]

I am seeing a guy who is 39 and I am 30. He has been in and out of many relationships- even married but didn't love her and divorced. We have been together for 7 months and I do care greatly about him and even almost slipped out "i love you', when I asked him how he would have felt if I said it, he replied it would have scared him. We are some what alike, yet have our differences. He has said recently that he can't show me that he does care about me and can't say I love you because "of his messed up mind."
We have broken up every Friday before the weekend for the month of August and have gotten back together by Monday. So far we're OK. But is that a way of saying he doesn't want to love me or care about me?
I want to be with him, but how can I get him to let love in? Or even better yet, can I?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

From what I see, he's afraid to commit. Hence the reason for the numerous break-ups. If he CAN'T say it then there is a problem. Lots of people have bad past relationships. This shouldn't effect the current one. If he's not in the same place that you are romantically and commitment-wise. You might need to find someone that is. Or just give him his space and see how that works.

[Romefalls19]

If he doesn't want you to get in, you're not going too and it sounds like he doesn't want you too.

Second, why would you want to be with someone who breaks up every weekend? Even if you get married to him, are you going to be okay with the marriage being put on hold every weekend?

[Romefalls19]

**Duplicate post**

[JBeaucaire]

Sorry, Momma, I have to disagree in spirit this time. Not all guys show love by talking about it. In fact, some may NEVER do that. Does that mean they don't love? Absolutely not. And that may not be the case here.

Smiley, my best advice to you is not to expect your boyfriend to be "one of the girls" and want to talk about stuff that deeply. That's not a guy thing. Some guys, many guys in fact, can eventually learn to do that, but it's not natural for most guys.

So, to keep it simple, stop pressuring him to say "I love you." You don't actually need it. Guys make it VERY clear how they feel about you by the way they treat you.

• The things they say in general, are they loving and kind?
• Does he take your feelings into consideration when making choices?
• Does he make you feel valued?
• Is he attentive and does he pursue you?
• Are his kisses genuine?

Guys can say "I'm not sure I love you" but every action coming from them can make it clear they really do. On the other hand (and this is IMPORTANT), a guy can say "I love you" and make you miserable in the meantime.

Which is more reliable? Clearly, a guy can be gauged by his actions, not his words. His words might be the opposite of what is true, so I would actually advise you to take his words with a grain of salt... even when you hear the ones you WANT to hear.

=====
SIDE NOTE: Please get it into your mind that you express your feelings to people because they are true and you want them to hear you say it... NOT because you hope you hear it back. What's the REAL point of that?

If you can only love people who love you the same way back, you are putting your happiness in their hands. NEVER, EVER do that. Never put your ability to feel love and happiness into other people's hands. You feel it anyway, you say it anyway and be happy you can.

You're not trying to teach some guy how to love you or teach him how to be loving, you're just trying to be you and make them feel loved by your attention. That's it.

So, if you tell someone you love them and they end up feeling guilty, you're doing it wrong.

[talaniman]

After 7 months I think that your getting a preview of how he is. If that's okay with you fine. If not, don't expect him to change, and for sure you can't change him.

What you can do is express yourself honestly, and judge from his actions if he is worth your time or not.

What you can realistically deal with, will determine the health and longevity, of the relationship.

We have broken up every friday before the weekend for the month of August and have gotten back together by Monday. So far we're OK.

What the heck is that about??? Not good.

[krken68]

Good advice... very true

[krken68]

Sorry, Momma, I have to disagree in spirit this time. Not all guys show love by talking about it. In fact, some may NEVER do that. Does that mean they don't love? Absolutely not. And that may not be the case here.

Smiley, my best advice to you is not to expect your boyfriend to be "one of the girls" and want to talk about stuff that deeply. That's not a guy thing. Some guys, many guys in fact, can eventually learn to do that, but it's not natural for most guys.

So, to keep it simple, stop pressuring him to say "I love you." You don't actually need it. Guys make it VERY clear how they feel about you by the way they treat you.

• The things they say in general, are they loving and kind?
• Does he take your feelings into consideration when making choices?
• Does he make you feel valued?
• Is he attentive and does he pursue you?
• Are his kisses genuine?

Guys can say "I'm not sure I love you" but every action coming from them can make it clear they really do. On the other hand (and this is IMPORTANT), a guy can say "I love you" and make you miserable in the meantime.

Which is more reliable? Clearly, a guy can be gauged by his actions, not his words. His words might be the opposite of what is true, so I would actually advise you to take his words with a grain of salt...even when you hear the ones you WANT to hear.

=====
SIDE NOTE: Please get it into your mind that you express your feelings to people because they are true and you want them to hear you say it....NOT because you hope you hear it back. What's the REAL point of that?

If you can only love people who love you the same way back, you are putting your happiness in their hands. NEVER, EVER do that. Never put your ability to feel love and happiness into other people's hands. You feel it anyway, you say it anyway and be happy you can.

You're not trying to teach some guy how to love you or teach him how to be loving, you're just trying to be you and make them feel loved by your attention. That's it.

So, if you tell someone you love them and they end up feeling guilty, you're doing it wrong.

Very true... Good advice