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MarchKites87 · Sep 19, 2008, 01:50 PM

So I have moved in with my boyfriend who I have been seeing for over a year recently. We had discussed moving in previously and when I decided to go to school online and was laid off from my job he thought it would be the best time for me to move. I have been here for a month and a half now and there are certain problems I'm not sure how to handle... he consistently makes comments/stares at other women to me/ in front of me... now I know men do this, but what gets me is that he compliments them and typically critiques my appearance on a regular basis... so I am already a little paranoid, but try to not let it get to me... so the kicker was about a week and a half ago after we had made love and he said he loved me, but thought he would be more attracted to me than he has been! I know my pcos makes it hard for my face to always stay clear, but I have gotten it remotely under control and work out for 2 hours every other day. I basically let him know how shallow that was and discussed my PCOS further with him... he seemed genuinely upset and wanted to stay with me as well as help me if he could with my PCOS. Since then we have gotten along fine, but anything intimate doesn't happen. I hate that he thinks this way, but even more than that I hate that I am this paranoid about my looks. I am stuck in the living situation for a while for now, but once I am able to leave I wonder if I should? Should I treat this as a friend until I can move? I'm 21 and don't want to be tied down to someone who doesn't want me. What do you think I should do? I feel so miserable...

kaykay0941 · Sep 19, 2008, 02:00 PM

Well iM Young,
But I Don't Really Know Much..
But I Would Say That..
You Move Out, Move On iN Life, And Just Find New And Happier Things To Get You Off How YOU Think YOU Look,
Even Though He Had Made Those Comments Doesn't Mean He iS Right, iF You Have Been Seeing Him For Over A Year And Your Looks Weren't A Problem To Him, Why Would They Be Now?

MarchKites87 · Sep 19, 2008, 02:10 PM

That's what I asked him... and he just said that he didn't know... in fact I had lost weight before I even moved in... it's always a killer when you hear that you are loved, but your appearance just isn't there... I think I will just have to see where I am when finances are better in a few months on whether to move out or not... in the mean time I just need advice on how to make myself not beat myself up so much... I'm in a new city without friends at the moment so it all hit me at a pretty poor time... thank you for your advice kaykay0941 :).

kaykay0941 · Sep 19, 2008, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by MarchKites87

Thats what I asked him...and he just said that he didn't know...in fact I had lost weight before I even moved in...it's always a killer when you hear that you are loved, but your appearance just isn't there...I think I will just have to see where I am when finances are better in a few months on whether to move out or not...in the mean time I just need advice on how to make myself not beat myself up so much...I'm in a new city without friends at the moment so it all hit me at a pretty poor time...thank you for your advice kaykay0941 :).

No Problem, I Just Don't Really Know How To Give You Adivce On How To Stop Making You Beat Up Yourself All The Time, But I Will Tell You One Thing, Whenever Someone Tell's Me iM Ugly Or Somewhat, I Just iGnore What They Say And Move On, I iGnore Everything They Said, And Act Like iT Never Happened, iF You Use To Like The Way You Looked Before, Then Keep iT That Way, No Need To Change, Like Your Looks? Keep Them, Don't Let Other Comments From People Bring You Down, That's The Last Thing You Need, iF This Helps, I Think You Are Pretty.

cantbelieveit · Sep 19, 2008, 02:57 PM

I know how you feel. After my break up I felt down on myself too, actually I still do. I was living with him for around 3yrs and he cheated so that made it worse. When I found out he cheated I had the option of staying there till I found my own place but the way I was feeling I forced myself to move out. I stay at my brother house for now and have to drive an hour to/from work and it sucks to not have my life planned out. I would rather this than be in a place with someone who didn't help me feel good about myself. To be honest if there is ANYWAY possible for you to move now I truly believe you should do it sooner than later.

TrueFaith · Sep 19, 2008, 03:59 PM

Listen us guys we say a lot of dumb stuff but there is no way for that, that is just a horrible thing to say to someone.

And I'm glad you let him know how it made you feel, I'm not one for vengeance but when he pulls his pants down next. Laugh at him and go ( are you serious?) Ok I know its no matuer but Trust! Me he will be so damn shy!

But I think you did the right thing if it goes on, then I would recommend dishing some back

Regards

talaniman · Sep 22, 2008, 05:16 AM

I strongly suggest that you start doing whatever it takes to unstick yourself from this situation.

It is already costing you some self esteem, and confidence, so its time to stop being dependent on him, and how he feels, about you.

You want your confidence back, do good things for yourself, and love who you are.

MarchKites87 · Sep 22, 2008, 06:17 PM

Well I have just moved to Pittsburgh from Memphis to live with my boyfriend. We had been dating for a long time and had known each other longer than that... just recently there have been a lot of stressors financially that no one could predict (windshield cracked and had to replace, cat was sick and had an outrageous vet bill, cut in hours at work) and my PCOS symptoms have flared up making things pretty hard. I had posted previously saying that I would have to wait because finances aren't in the right place, but I don't know how much longer I can take of his selfish behavior to situations and lack of communication. He yells and only wants to chat about things that interest him on his time. He wonders why I don't want to be in the same room with him much. I want to work things out and I know he is a good person, but I can't continue to be miserable. I guess I need help on where to draw the line... I hate being a quiter just need some advice on what is the relationship ending point for this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

chuff · Sep 22, 2008, 06:36 PM

I think you should tell him what you just told us when he's calm. Also, is this the first time he's lived with someone because he may be going through some adjustment period. By that same token you need to remind him that you made a move for this relationship because you believed in him and now you would like him to believe in you and you would like him to show it.

JBeaucaire · Sep 22, 2008, 10:00 PM

You're not willing to be a "quitter" on the relationship that is still not a permanent choice, but you ARE willing to be a quitter on your standards for happiness?

I find that patently odd. Don't you?

When you get to know someone so well it becomes clear that living with them for 50 years would mean 50 years of distinct unhappiness... it is NOT a failure to walk away from that road.

When you know what makes you happy and it's not the way you are treated in your current relationship (regardless of how long you've been together or how "bold" you've been moving in with him), then the definition of failure would be to stay in that relationship anyway.

Think about it.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2008, 06:11 AM

I read your other post and this one is a continuation of that one.

You both are very challenged to communicate and work together or go your own ways and if what life throws at you breaks you up, you're a couple that doesn't work well together any way.

Responding to your own post will bring more responses than reposting the same question. Posts die out with no feedback.

cantbelieveit · Sep 23, 2008, 08:39 AM

Have you thought about telling him how you are feeling and that you are considering moving out? Do you think he would make a change for the better? If he doesn't then I would take it as a cue to get the hell out ASAP. What I learned from my passed relationship is that we didn't communicate to each other what we needed. We aren't mind readers and even if it seems like a no brainer such as "I deserve respect in this relationship especially since I'm living with you now." You need to make it known that you demand his respect and if he doesn't give it to you, you need to do what's best for you no matter how hard it is.

kmj0317 · Oct 31, 2009, 02:14 AM

I have been dating this boy for 2 almost 3 years. He was my everything and I was his also. I decided to break up with him but I was not ready mentally and emotionally. I didn't try to get him back but we were still seeing each other until he rushed into another relationship. I was confused because it happened so far. I was his first everything. Now we are at the same college, we talk everyday and do something's that we shouldn't. He now have had two girlfriends of what I know of. Are there any chance that he could be rushing into these relationships so that he could get over me? I am not in love with him anymore but I do have love for him. I haven't moved on because I am finding myself and I'm not quiet over him really. I don't know what else I could do. Should I just let it go and move on or tell him how I feel about the situation. Could he still have love for me?