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lonelysoul4ur · Sep 18, 2008, 01:05 PM

I have been in a healthy relationship with my wife but my erge for another women lingers around almost constantly. I have a happy sexual and emotional relationship, but in spite of which these thoughts chase me no matter how strong my resolution is. Luckily I have not entered any other relationship apart from from my wife, but I just know I could land in trouble soon, need help?

pluckyflamingo · Sep 18, 2008, 01:23 PM

Have you tried role playing? Getting out of the normal routine and pretending to be different characters, might help, and might increase your sexuality to try new things.

ylaira · Sep 18, 2008, 01:25 PM

Are you eyeing someone now? JUST KEEP DISTANT FROM THIS TRIGGER.

DonaldM_23 · Sep 18, 2008, 01:35 PM

Millions of married men goes through this phase. All I can suggest is be strong, do different things with your wife. It's a physicall urge, don't fall into that trap... be strong

Ash123 · Sep 18, 2008, 02:02 PM

Ok, here's the good news: it's normal.

Here's the better news: you have confronted it NOW.

Even better news: There is something you can do about it.

You have sexual urges like anyone. You see women and fantasize. ALL men do. ALL day long. If you are single, it's called bachelor brain. If married it's called cheating heart.

SOOOO, you need to start from scratch. Sex with a partner you know and trust is INCREDIBLE. As long as she is: horny, adventurous, and knows what you like.

How is your wife at these three things?

Ok. More after we talk more...

Choux · Sep 20, 2008, 11:48 AM

Healthy men are biologically designed to spread their seed as often and in as many women as possible!

Since you have a very good thing going with a great wife, don't throw it away!

Resist, resist, resist. :)

lonelysoul4ur · Sep 22, 2008, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by pluckyflamingo

Have you tried role playing? Getting out of the normal routine and pretending to be different characters, might help, and might increase your sexuality to try new things.

Thanks for the concern, Now I am puzzled what role play got to do with my problem, can you throw some light on it.

Originally Posted by ylaira

Are you eyeing someone now? JUST KEEP DISTANT FROM THIS TRIGGER.

That's pretty close, but my friend I guess to me these triggers are almost everywhere and they all look so accesible:D

Originally Posted by DonaldM_23

Millions of married men goes through this phase. All I can suggest is be strong, do different things with your wife. It's a physicall urge, don't fall into that trap.......be strong

Thanks for the concern donold, you look to be well informed about it, can you share any such experiences you know of?

Originally Posted by Ash123

Ok, here's the good news: it's normal.

Here's the better news: you have confronted it NOW.

Even better news: There is something you can do about it.

You have sexual urges like anyone. You see women and fantasize. ALL men do. ALL day long. If you are single, it's called bachelor brain. If married it's called cheating heart.

SOOOO, you need to start from scratch. Sex with a partner you know and trust is INCREDIBLE. As long as she is: horny, adventurous, and knows what you like.

How is your wife at these three things?

Ok. more after we talk more....

Well I would say, point one and three can be considered on a moderate scale and the second one is a definite no

Synnen · Sep 22, 2008, 01:27 PM

Please use correct grammatical English.

This is an Adult board, and typing in chat speak is not allowed.

DonaldM_23 · Sep 22, 2008, 01:38 PM

Lonelysoul4u: Here is an experience I went through, I started a small IT consulting company and a long time female friend was a partner. As the months past, the physical urges was over powering me. Her consistent flirting was the nail in the coffin, I was pretty much set going in for the kill. But, I realized what I have home, I stop for a minute and said to myself I need to get myself out of this situation for the temptation and urges to be no longer there. What I did was I told her I was going into another line of business we need to part. My statement here is women are all over the place, just don't show that your vulernable. You will be tested everyday, just remember the commitement you made is for life. Be strong you can do it.

Ash123 · Sep 22, 2008, 05:15 PM

Well, you need to talk.

Sometimes relationships get in a rut and you are in one!

People get too comfortable and get lazy and irritable when they feel stuck or uninspired in a relationship. They act out - like you are - to feel more stimulation in life.

If you tell her your relationship is in trouble and needs help and you want to talk to a marriage counselor that'll wake her up.

lonelysoul4ur · Sep 24, 2008, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by DonaldM_23

Lonelysoul4u: Here is an experience I went thru, I started a small IT consulting company and a long time female friend was a partner. As the months past, the physical urges was over powering me. Her consistant flirting was the nail in the coffin, I was pretty much set going in for the kill. But, I realized what i have home, I stop for a minute and said to myself I need to get myself out of this situation for the temptation and urges to be no longer there. What I did was I told her I was going into another line of business we need to part. My statement here is women are all over the place, just don't show that your vulernable. You will be tested everyday, just remember the commitement you made is for life. Be strong you can do it.

Thank's, your experience did help. Well, there was a confession that I made, to my wife. Yes and it was all about my problem, and guess what she handled it so maturely that now we both are working towards the problem. I guess I am luky to have a wife like her. Anyway thaks again.

Synnen · Sep 24, 2008, 05:48 AM

Comments on this post
Cogs disagrees: you must be kidding

I most certainly am NOT kidding.

I am the moderator for Adult Sexuality, and it is in the rules (if you bothered to read them, which I doubt, since you don't know the rules on giving disagrees, either) that chat speak will not be tolerated.

That was my one and only warning.

talaniman · Sep 24, 2008, 06:28 AM

All us guys get urges for any attractive female, that's just our nature, but we don't act on them. Why? Because we are men, and our females are so complicated, we have to pay attention to them, and give it 100%, because if we don't, and let ourselves be distracted ,we will miss something we should have noticed.

Another female will only take away from the one you have, and if you want to stay in a healthy relationship, then don't risk it for a quick feel good. Its good that you can talk about it with her, very good, but do the work involved with keeping it that way.

The cute weather girl on channel four, may trigger those urges, and it feels good to be flirted with, and given attention by a female, that doesn't give a darn about your healthy relationship with your wife, but just think of the costs in trust, and feelings, you will pay by acting on the temptation, instead of just walking away. Keep your house happy, doesn't your wife deserve it?? Don't you??

Plus those fantasies are best kept private, as they can motivate you to getting even closer, to the one who is helping, you build and maintain that healthy, happy life, we all strive for.

lonelysoul4ur · Sep 24, 2008, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

All us guys get urges for any attractive female, thats just our nature, but we don't act on them. Why?? Because we are men, and our females are so complicated, we have to pay attention to them, and give it 100%, because if we don't, and let ourselves be distracted ,we will miss something we should have noticed.

Another female will only take away from the one you have, and if you want to stay in a healthy relationship, then don't risk it for a quick feel good. Its good that you can talk about it with her, very good, but do the work involved with keeping it that way.

The cute weather girl on channel four, may trigger those urges, and it feels good to be flirted with, and given attention by a female, that doesn't give a darn about your healthy relationship with your wife, but just think of the costs in trust, and feelings, you will pay by acting on the temptation, instead of just walking away. Keep your house happy, doesn't your wife deserve it??? Don't you???

Plus those fantasies are best kept private, as they can motivate you to getting even closer, to the one who is helping, you build and maintain that healthy, happy life, we all strive for.

Thank you my friend, it was truly a point blank truth, which I totally agree with. I feel its all worth the decision to open my views at this desk.

talaniman · Sep 24, 2008, 12:19 PM

I have been married more than 30 years, and my wife, and I, have seen all our married friends go down in flames, the main reason being adultery, so as you can guess, we don't have the weekly parties, or card games, or beach volley ball, or none of that couples/family stuff.

What a doggone shame. I said that to illustrate that a lot can be learned from the mistakes of others, and you save yourself the misery, and pain, of learning the hard way.

Just a thought!

Ash123 · Sep 24, 2008, 02:02 PM

TAL:

"We don't have the weekly parties, or card games, or beach volley ball, or none of that couples/family stuff..."

To avoid temptation?
What have you found to be better activities?

talaniman · Sep 25, 2008, 08:26 AM

To avoid temptation?
What have you found to be better activities?

I don't think its just a matter of activities, as it is knowing yourself, living within boundaries of personal behavior, and appreciating your partner, and paying attention to not only their feelings, and wants, and needs, but being emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically available to them. My wife, and I, do our own things, that we enjoy separately, and together, and keep it balanced.

Above all, neither of us goes anywhere, or does anything, the other can't join too! If they so choose.

Together we like walking, Netflix, and our grandkids, sounds boring, but we love it!

Hope that answers your question somewhat.

smoothy · Sep 25, 2008, 10:13 AM

I agree with some of our previous posters. The urge to do it is there with most guys. What is different is most guys have the maturity to resist those urges and stay faithful to their partners. A mature person knows while the grass may appear greener on the other side of the fence its usually an optical illusion.