[banjo9494]

My ex and I dated on and off for 8 years. A little over 2 years ago we had a son and started living together. Things weren't great, but they were OK. A couple of months ago, I found out that he had been sleeping with this girl who was 4 years younger than me for the past two years! I was shocked to say the least! Not to mention that when he got caught in his lies, he went back and forth between us trying to mend things on both ends. Needless to say, I moved out and tried to get on with my life. Since then, him and this girl are still together and he still tells me he loves me and wants us to be together. He's such a manipulating liar, I can hardly stand him at most times. I don't want us to be the kind of parents who absolutely can't stand each other but I don't want us to be best friends either. How do I let go of all of this and have a platonic relationship so my son isn't the one who suffers in the end?

[DonaldM_23]

In this situation you will have to take the matrue route. When the both of you speak, keep it short and about your son only. Don't let your emotions get in the way. This approach is the best way, where you don't have to be the best of buddies. Also your son and his father have an open line of communication.

[ANB428]

Next time you talk to him you should tell him that you do NOT want to get back with him and whenever you two see each other it will only be pertaining to your son and it will be totally platonic. When he tells you he loves you still, tell him, Thanks! You two should be able to be cordual if you are around your son, and that is so good to hear that you know that already! You are deffinantly thinking about the best for your son!! So cudos on that! I don't know how to tell you to move on and to make the pain go away. With time your heart will heal and it won't hurt anymore. I know that it has to suck to see him with her. I remember the first time I saw my daughter's father with his girlfriend (who was also 4 years younger than me). It tore me up and I wanted to lose it! It doesn't bother me any more because I know that I am way better than he and that my life is much better without him in it. I am kind of glad now that she is with him because now he can't bring me down with him. It took me awhile to get over it all, but I got there. Hopefully you will too soon. Good Luck!!

[happy_jester]

He went back and forth between us trying to mend things on both ends.

It can't be easy for you to find out that,not only had he been involved with another
Girl,he'd been doing it for two years!

I believe,that,he went back and forth trying to mend both ends,because that's exactly
What he wanted,BOTH relationships! :eek:

I don't want us to be the kind of parents who absolutely can't stand each other but I don't want us to be best friends either.

I can understand [and so have YOU] that you need a fine balance,even if it's
just for your son.

This won't be easy,"keeping a way open" but in the end
Your son will benefit from this,which is the right way to be.

[ylaira]

Your son is almost 3 yrs old so I assume he can communicate well. Might as well just have your son freely call his dad directly whenever he want something: be it a new toy, a trip or visitation on his place. Child support should be settled as early as now.

As much as you can, refrain criticizing your ex on your son. Your son will think, part of him is rotten.

[13months]

I have a 3 yo daughter and 2 yo son and recently split up with my husband after 5 years. It has been really hard because he is so angry abou it and cannot separate the kids and me. Congratulations on leaving early as I wish I had done instead of creating more memories to try and forget. I think you need to be very emotionless (as hard as I know that is and cannot seem to take my own advice) When I have been this way it has definitely helped. If he keeps it up lay it out for him. He is the one that cheated and lied Deal with it, you had to. Good luck and just enjoy your child I have found no matter what that can make me happy.

[talaniman]

Reality check, for whatever he has done, and whatever the history between you, he is a part of you and your child's life for years to come, and whatever feelings you may have must be tempered by whats best for the raising, and welfare of the child, you have together.

You don't have the luxury, either of you of doing anything you please, at the expense of that child so getting visitation, and child support, worked out early is a must, and being civil with each other, and working together is a priority.

Putting your child's needs before your own, is what good parents do, and that is your goal.

[JBeaucaire]

Guys don't stop doing what they're doing unless there is a COST. You have to put that cost in his face if you him to actually leave you alone.

So, if he says inappropriate things to you, warn him to stop it. Tell him you're carrying a pocket recorder and he'll never know if you're recording what he's saying or not... tell him you might play recordings of his "professions of love for you" to his current boyfriend.

That should help.

As for you, sounds to me like you already want the right things. Stick with it. Your child will be the winner in it all.