[travinski]

My girlfriend is 7 months pregnant and I have a 2 yr old daughter from another woman. I have been fighting for custody since before I met my new girlfriend. I now have joint custody and primary residence. Before this I had visitation with my daughter and she lived with her mom but the ministry /social workers removed my daughter from the mom and placed her with me, because the mom has mental health issues(borderline personality disorder)
But is still a capable parent in my eyes. My girlfriend has had a rough time during her pregnancy and doesn't want my daughter around that much so I have given the mom pretty much full time responsibility of my daughter. But now she says that because my ex is unstable if she has an episode my daughter will be put back with us and she can't handle worrying about that so she is going to leave me and take my unborn child unless I give up my custody and primary residence. If I do that the ministry has to be notified and my daughter will end up in a foster home if I don't I will lose my girlfriend and unborn son I don't know what to do it's a lose/lose situation

[ANB428]

You need to tell your girlfriend that you understand that she is pregnant and her hormones are raging, but you are not going to lose your child that you already have to a foster home. You have to tell her to put herself in your shoes. She sounds like a really self-fish person if she wants you to do that to your current child. If she does leave you then you deserve someone better than that anyway. I would NEVER tell my boyfriend that he had to choose between his child that is already here or my and our child. That is really self-fish of her. I would never give my kid up for a man and my other child. That is not fair to put your daughter through that. I wold not give up custody! That would screw your daughter up for the rest of her life. She is too old now for you to be pulled out of her life without it effecting her. Good luck!

[travinski]

I've told her all of that and I know its selfish of her but I just spent the last 2 yrs going to courts and fighting I don't want to have to go through this again for my unborn son. Aside from this crap we have a very good relationship and she wants me to still see my daughter but she can't deal with the fact that I am primary parent and if the mom decides she doesn't want to take her anymore then she will be with us full time I've already given my daughter to her mom pretty much full time so we can have more time together. I don't want to miss the birth of my baby boy and lose the woman I love. I also can't lose my daughter. Letting her leave is easy to say but its hard to do when she has your child and you love each other

[h0llister]

Do want to really want to stay with her or do you just want to be with your new baby?

[ylaira]

I believe its just a hormone talking. Your Gf is just jealous of your child. Don't be scared because you can always prove that you are the father and can always run after your son if she will REALLY run away. Give her a shrug if she mentions it again.

[travinski]

I guess I didn't mention that she's packing her things right now and says she won't come back until its done. And yes I want her to stay and I want to be with the new baby but I don't want to make the wrong choice I know its her hormones but you try telling a pregnant woman she's wrong its pretty much impossible and I know all this will pass in time and the way she feels is temporary but she's forcing a lot of pretty permanent choices on me that will affect a lot of people

[ylaira]

If she wants to leave then let her. Just watch out where she's going. It won't take long that she will realize that she's becoming selfish and looks funny. She will need your help and will come back, trust me.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

If you give in to emotional blackmail concerning your young D, the nitemares with this woman will only just have started & the price will always be very high.

Your D needs you & can't take care of herself, she is barely past being a baby. Your girlfriend is an adult acting like a spoiled child & pg or not, making you choose between your D & her is beyond wrong. That's not love or a good relationship, nor a starting point for either.

Take care of your D & stand strong with your girlfriend to protect the biological child you already have that is depending on you to be her protector.

Tell your girlfriend you are scheduling counseling to help sort this out in the best way for all of you before it gets even worse.

[travinski]

Her and her mom are really close and she's going there. Her mom has been through a few bad marriages and has been screwed around. Her mom supports her but I don't think is giving her good advice about this .but I believe that if she does go her mom will say and do anything to keep her there. Her husband passed away a yr ago and all she has now is her daughter she's a very lonely woman and has no grandchildren here. I think she might have a large influence on how this turns out

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Her mother does sound like part of the problem.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this...

[travinski]

So I'm pretty much screwed huh

[BetrayalBtCamp]

It doesn't look good, that's for sure.

I don't mean to kick you while you're down, but taking the time to figure out how to pick a good partner as well as being one would be something you should do. You obviously have a good heart or you wouldn't have custody of your D but it seems the women you are getting involved with have some major flaws that should have kept you away from them before an innocent child was put into the picture.

As to what you can do about this pg girlfriend, is to be kind to her but firm in upholding your commitment to your D. Hopefully, your girlfriend will calm down & be more willing to work things out with you than it appears right now.

But professional help to make sure you both provide a great home for the kids & yourselves is certainly indicated. It's the best chance you'll have for a great relationship.

[ANB428]

Dude, I am sorry that this is happening to you. This situation really sucks. I know that you love her, but if she really loved you then she wouldn't put you in this situation. Hopefully she will realize what she is doing while she is living with her mom. I left my daughter's father when I was pregnant and I went back a few weeks later. I chalked it all up to hormones. I missed him so much and wanted him to go through all of the pregnancy with me. Hopefully she will wisen up nad come back home, but if not there is no way that she can keep your son from you. Espically if you guys went to court and you told the judge the situation in why she left you. You need to stand firm for your daughter, she NEEDS you in her life. You are her daddy and your girlfriend needs to realize that. If she doesn't come back after your son is born then you deserve better than what she is giving you. Please don't give up your daughter for your girlfriend. It will screw her up. I know that the things that the people on this board are saying are things that you don't want to hear and you just want a solution to your problem, but it isn't that easy. Don't make a huge mistake by losing your daughter. There aren't too many father's that are in their children's lives and I think that you are a great man for raising yours and being so concerned about the situation. Hope everything works out!!

[BetrayalBtCamp]

It is a horrible situation to be in & obviously we want the best for you & your children. This is not something that can be easily solved or that you can handle on your own, professional help would be the best thing for all of you. Even if your girlfriend comes back, her resentment of your D could cause major damage to her especially since she is so young & your gf's actions aren't going to be ones condusive to a good relationship short or long term, which will only hurt all of you too.

Can you make an appt for counseling & ask her to join you?

[talaniman]

she's forcing alot of pretty permanent choices on me that will affect alot of people

Don't let her, plain and simple,

I don't know if its hormones, or if she is an idiot, but your kids need you to stand up, and do the right thing for them. I can only hope you have the strength to do what's necessary for them and yourself.

You've been great so far, and if you need to leave her alone for a while, but don't let her dictate your own course of action toward your kids.

She really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Just between me, and you, your choice of women could use some "adjusting"!

[travinski]

Its not that she a bad person or crazy. Before she was pregnant we had a very good relationship and that's why we decided to have the baby. But I guess she didn't know what she was getting into with the hormones and she's constantly sick 6 out of the 7 months. She went from being single with no worries to a pregnant mother with a 2 yr old. She can't blow off steam like she used to by going out and having a few drinks or whatever. I know there's other ways but she also quit smoking. I know its hard on her and she feels it will be better if she leaves so she can focus on the baby and getting her head straight but her condition on coming back is me giving up the custody. So its just me her and the baby. I'm OK with visiting my daughter but I want her to be with her mom not in a foster home, is it a bad idea to give my brother custody and let her live with her mom and visit me? If its going to help everyone. Can custody just be thrown around like that does it have to go before a judge every time?

[travinski]

My daughter has spent most of her time with her mother also and I had visitation before I've had her full time for about 3 months

[travinski]

I've asked her if we could talk to someone and not just bounce our opinions back and forth going in circles and she says she's not changing her mind and that's all there is to it

[travinski]

By the way I appreciate all the help you guys are great, this is the biggest cluster fk of choices I've ever had to deal with

[talaniman]

she's not changing her mind and that's all there is to it

So what? Wait until she drops her load. Until then do nothing, I mean what are you supposed to do, but say yes dear, and pass the pickles.