[BigJG]

I'm almost 30 and have never had a girlfriend. So I'm thinking no, but I might be wrong. Maybe it's just me. I'm the fat nerd type, not the skinny.

[jjwoodhull]

Everyone is attracted to something different. But I would say that most mature women are looking for a nice, honest guy with a sense of humor. Women also like men who are self confident.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Do you have potential. Can you improve yourself. Lets put it this way, I dated the buff good looking guys in college, who did I end up with a nerd. As you grow older around late 20's 30's women will see your potential and wise up as long as you are a
"smart nerd" who is employable.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Do you have any close friends that are female? Matbe you can ask them what you can do to improve yourself (clothing, hair) try an online dating service! You can get to know someone on line and like you before they even see you. This is how I met my hubby!

[BigJG]

I pretty much keep to myself and don't do anything besides work and relax when I'm not working.

[jjwoodhull]

If you don't put yourself out there you will never meet anyone. Join a club. If you are more of the shy, smart type then a book club might be a good idea for you.

[BigJG]

I'm about as anti social as they get. I don't even know why I asked this question.

[danielnoahsmommy]

You don't paint a pretty picture. Maybe it's time for some therapy?

[BigJG]

I think I'd rather stay in the situation I'm in rather than seeing Dr. Phil.

[danielnoahsmommy]

WHO SAID DR PHIL. Y you don't seem happy and perhaps you are a little depressed. You sound very lonely.

[BigJG]

Haha. I just used his name as a generalization for any shrink out there. I didn't mean him personally. But someday I may have to give in and go see one. I do have the insurance now from work to cover it. I'm just not fond of them is all.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Its always good to talk to someone. If you don't do something soon you may be alone for a very long time

[BigJG]

Sometimes I think that may be for the best.

[Emland]

I heart nerds. I married one and we have grown fat together over the years!

Since you were motivated enough to post, you are motivated enough to want something different. What you have been doing isn't working, so it is time for a change.

Counselors aren't as bad as you think. My hubby and I have been going to one for a few months to kind of get back on track. It helps to have someone tell you that you aren't crazy and help you with areas that need work.

I have battled depression all my adult life and can tell you that being inactive can feed into it and make you not want to leave the house or do anything. You would be surprised how adding a 15 brisk walk every day can add to your confidence and outlook on life.

I joined a dancing class. I'm no willowy gal, but I have a great time doing it. Find something similar whether it be a book club, hobby, learning to fly - whatever - as long as it interests you. You'll meet people and then all kinds of good things can happen.

[jrsg]

The problem is yourself confidence.
Reading your posts is even making me sad...

Your words:
"Fat nerd type" "Anti Social" "Keep to myself"
Yourself confidence is just too low. (A shrink could help with that... )

You calling yourself anti-social tells me you know what the problem is. The problem is you are anti-social, and you have a low self-esteem.

How do you expect to get a girlfriend if you "keep to yourself?"

Different girls are attracted to different things. Some girls like the jocks, sure. But some are attracted to brains. You just need to find the ones that are attracted to brains. BUT, that won't happen if you "keep to yourself!"

You need to realize that you have something desirable by EVERYONE! BRAINS! Who doesn't want to be smart? You should be proud of your nerdiness! When you realize this, maybe then you can raise yourself confidence.

I am sure you are a funny, charming, SMART guy! But, people don't see that when you "keep to yourself."

Now...
I'm sure you have realized the amount of times I have referenced your saying that you "KEEP TO YOURSELF!!!" This is the problem, along with self esteem. Once you can talk to other people, and meet some other people (including girls), you can start dating some!

Please realize that millions would kill for your smarts, and that YOU ARE DESIRABLE! Let some people get to know you!

What I do is try to introduce myself to a different person everyday in high school. It works well. You will meet literally hundreds of people if you do this! You could try this in the workplace, on the bus, or even just on the street.

Another thing I do, to keep myself confidence up, is a little weird. BUT IT WORKS! Every time I leave the house, I look at myself in the mirror, and say, "Who wouldn't want you! grrrrr!" And then I leave. I laugh at it, and I am in a good mood for the day, and myself confidence is up. (Girls like a happy person, too)

So,
Up yourself confidence. Be more social. I know it's easier said then done, but at least give it shot. What have you got to lose?

Good luck,
Try some of the advice,
And let me know how it goes.
Good luck! :)

[jrsg]

Thanks,

Also,
Take out a piece of paper, and write down everything you like about yourself. And focus on that list. Think of what is good about yourself, and that will hopefully help yourself confidence.

BUT, after reading alllllll that advice (form myself and others),
Are you going to apply any of it?
Are you going to try to be more outgoing?
And NOT keep to yourself?

At least try to make some new friends, to get used to the idea of being more social.

If you want to change, you have to change your behaviour.

Good luck :)

[BigJG]

To be completely honest with you, that paper would probably be blank. I have put myself in social situations before, but it never works out. I end up leaving and spending time alone where I feel more comfortable. Everything you've said makes sense, but I don't know if I can do it. The only time I would ever talk to strangers would be if I were drinking. I've since stopped drinking because I think my health is more important.

[jrsg]

But, it is just when you said you think your health is more important. Wouldn't you consider your mental, social, and emotional well being as your health? I am not saying drink so you can talk to others, but just talk to others.
I AM NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO DRINK. NOT DRINKING IS A GREAT DECISION.

Saying that the paper would be blank is the self confidence thing again. I can list several things about you, and I haven't even met you.
1. Your SMART!
2. You care
3. You make smart decisions (i.e. not drinking)
4. Your employed

JUST ADD ON! Over the years, you have convinced yourself that there is nothing good about you, which just isn't true at all. Everyone can see that, but you. Even I can see it, even though I have only known you have exsisted for the last hour.

I'm not saying that you should go out tomorrow, and be Mr. Social. But, at least introduce yourself to ONE person at work, and just have a small conversation. EVEN if it is just saying "hi" or "hi, I'm ____."

Please Please Please just try to introduce yourself to one person tomorrow. What have you got to lose? Just try it. Again, I know it is easier said then done, but just try it. Just get out there and do it.

And, by the way, you are talking to several complete strangers right here on this site. Maybe not face to face, and maybe it is a little impersonal, but you are still communicating with strangers! And I like you so far :).

[BigJG]

It might take a long time for any of this to take place. I have other problems that I haven't talked about. If I don't get over those none of this will ever happen.

[friend4u178]

You could also try some volunteer work , that way your doing something good for someone else which will make you feel good about yourself , and you'll meet new people while doing it.